Gutsy Move

We went over to my mom's house last night. Simon was told to go take a bathroom break. He bellowed (there's no other word for it) from the bathroom, "Nothing!"

Simon is watching Cars for the upteenth time. He got to the part where Lightning McQueen revs his horn and all the tractor cows fall over. Simon looked at me and said, "That wasn't nice. Now they're all dead." I assured Simon that no one died and he looked at me and said, "They rolled over and can't get up. They're dead."

Simon had me help him spell "No teasing allowed". He wrote it on a piece of paper and taped it to the wall. I told him he was silly, and he pointed at the paper and said, "Read it, Mom. No. Teasing. Allowed."

Simon: "Mom, I really love you, but I love God more. Sorry."
Don't be sorry, Simon!!!

Me: "How'd you sleep last night? Did you have any good dreams?"
Simon: "How should I know? I forget these things."

Simon was given a new game last night. It's basically a kid version of Jenga and it is so much fun! Simon kept saying, "Gutsy move!", after every single one of his turns.

Christmas Eve

Simon: "I have something to say about Christmas Eve: snowman. That's all."

Simon: "I'm a nerd, like Dad and I'm geeking out about Ninja Turtles!"

Simon was playing with his Lego guys. He held one up and said, "Roger, roger", like he was talking into a walkie-talkie then he looked at me and said, "This guy's name is Roger."

Simon: "They sing really loud at church! They're louder than me!"

Simon is walking around the house, trying to sing the "Snow" song from White Christmas. Unfortunately, the only part he knows is, "Snow, snow, snow, snow, snow!" It's gotten rather old.

Simon: "I'm generous. You can have all  my old toys when I get presents. Except the ones I play with."

Something in Common

Simon asked suspiciously, "Is today a school day?"
When Jeff said yes, Simon said, "I knew it!"

Simon: "I can't go to school today."
Jeff: "Why not?"
Simon: "It's too much fun. I can't handle it."

Simon: "Mom, you're a slow poke. I'm a fast poke!"

Simon: "Am I adorable?"
Me: "Sometimes you're very adorable."
Simon: "Thanks, that's good to know."

Simon: "Mom, did you have a dog?"
Me: "No, I've never had a dog of my own."
Simon: "That's something we have in common."

Simon: "S'Barro's! Indescribably good!"

Simon gave me a kiss and said, "Mom, God gave me you because He loves me so much!"
That made my day!

Me: "Simon, do you want to give your teacher a Christmas present?"
Simon: "Yes! I want to give her those things I wear on my arms so I don't sink when I go swimming."
Me: "Floaties?"
Simon: "Yeah. Except she probably can swim, so...I'll get her shoes instead."
Me: "That's sweet of you, but I was thinking maybe we could make her cookies, or something."
Simon (sighing): " Yeah, I guess so."

VCR=Old

Simon keeps unzipping his Superman pj's (they have feet attached) and ripping the top half partially off his body while sticking his chest out. Why? Because he's "turning into Clark Kent the way Clark Kent changes into Superman."

I asked Simon if he wanted some medicine to help with his cough. He shrugged and said, "Sure, why not? It could work."
Simon: "I wish I had a stingray."
Jeff: "Well, you can't really have a stingray for a pet."
Simon: "Yeah, 'cause all it'll do is sting you. I can't have a fish, because fish are boring!"
Me: "What pet would you want?"
Simon: "A rocket ship!"


Simon: "I'm a lean, mean, dancing machine!"

Simon:"Mom, I'm dead. I'm honestly dead."
Me: "Really? Are you sure about that?"
Simon (lifting his head off my shoulder to look me right in the eye): "I honestly am."


Simon: "The sounds squirrels and chipmunks make are hilarious!"


Simon wanted to show me his color-by-number. He held it up and said, "It's gonna blow your socks off!"


Simon: "What's a VCR?"
Me: "It's how people used to watch videos before DVD players. I think Grandma has one."
Simon: "But she's not old!"

Simon: "Babies love chocolate."
Me: "Really?"
Simon: "Yup. I love chocolate too, but I'm not a baby. I guess babies are smart after all."
He has a low opinion of anything that can't talk.

Grandma: "I'm excited to see you for Thanksgiving, Simon. We'll have turkey."
Simon: "And I'll eat the candy corn!"
Me: "I don't think there'll be candy corn."
Simon (looking disappointed): "But I like candy corn."

Kookamunga!

Simon said, "Mom, this is what Jesus always does!" Then, he made the sign language sign for love.

We stopped at McDonalds before heading to Trunk-or-Treat. It spawned some very interesting observations:

Simon (while eating chicken nuggets): "Chicken makes you strong! But not this stuff!"

There was a man sitting by himself at a table, facing some Halloween decorations. He was talking into his cell phone, but Simon was convinced he was talking to the scarecrow.

A teen put on a V for Vendetta mask. Simon said, "Look, it's Kookamunga!"
I have no idea.

I told Simon that tomorrow is picture day at  his school. He said, "We take pictures on Christmas! Tomorrow is Christmas!"
I answered, "No, tomorrow isn't Christmas, it's just picture day."
Simon: "But you need to put up the tree, because I've been waiting and waiting! You want a good picture, right?"

Today, while playing soccer, Simon told me they were playing "dog park". Somehow, I doubt it.

Jeff: "Don't act up, please."
Simon: "I won't. I'll act down."

Mulch

Simon gave me a big hug and said, "This is how you turn an enemy into a friend."

Jeff was poking me. Simon shouted, "Stop picking on my mother!"
Ha ha, he took my side!

Simon: "Today at school, a lot of kids were running. They accidentally knocked me over."
Jeff: "Are you okay?"
Simon: "Yeah. I just fell in the mulch."

Simon: "Do I have hair on my chest yet?"

Simon was humming to himself in the car this morning. All of a sudden he got really upset.
Simon: "Jesus doesn't love me!"
Me: "Of course He does!"
Simon: "But the song says, "red or yellow, black or white" and my shirt is orange!"
I had to explain to him that the song was talking about skin color. It took a minute to get him to calm down; he was very sure that Jesus had a clothing preference.

Jeff got cut off twice yesterday. After the second time, Jeff asked, "Am I invisible?"
Without missing a beat, Simon answered, "Yes. Yes, you are."

Like a Boss

On our way to the car today (after picking Simon up from school), Simon said, "Look at me, walking like a boss!"

Simon: "I'm in the background. You're in the frontground."

Simon kicked a really good pass at soccer practice today. I told him what a good job he did and he said, "I did a killer kick! It almost killed me!"

Simon picked out some pants at the store the other day. He's very proud of them and wore them for the first time today. I said, "I like your pants, Simon."
He smiled and said, "Thanks! They're my best feature!"


Simon: "I want to watch Spiderman!"
Jeff: "You're not old enough, buddy. But when you're older, you can watch Spiderman, and Iron Man, and Avengers. You'll have a superhero time!"
Simon: "And you'll  have a naptime!"

Jedi Knights Don't Bake

I took Simon to get his hair cut. He chattered non-stop the entire time. When the lady finished, he interrupted himself mid-sentence (he was describing the plotline to Lego Star Wars) and said, "That's about the size of things. Thank you." Then he got up and walked away!
Simon: " Here's a joke: a stormtrooper said, "I am your father", and Darth Vader said, "Hey, that's my line!". Is that funny?"

Simon: "What Star Wars movies did I see?"
Me: "Four and five. We're going to get six from the library soon."
Simon: "Is that the one where they crack the Han Solo ice cube?"
Simon: "I'm a great superhero, 'cause I have a personal trainer."

Simon: "I want to highlight that part in my Bible when Paul talks about talking in lungs."

Simon, while playing in the bath, decided to made me a frappucino with no whipped cream.

"Look, it's Dad! He has a huge smile on his face!"

"I can't wait for the firetruck! It's going to be epic! EPIC!" [the firetruck is coming to his school on Thursday].

Simon just squealed from his bedroom. When I went to tuck him back in, I asked why he'd done that. He answered, "To be cute. Was I cute?"
Simon is watching "What's in the Bible with Buck Denver". This video is talking about sin. Simon said, "Everybody sins. Except Buck Denver. He's a puppet. Puppets don't sin."
Simon was playing with a little girl at church last night. She asked Simon to help her bake a cake, to which Simon replied (very seriously), "I'm a Jedi Knight. Jedi Knights don't bake."

When I picked Simon up from school he said, "I have a good attitude. Are you having a good day now, Mom?"
His teacher couldn't stop laughing.
Simon is such a little gentleman: every time he ran in front of another kid while playing soccer, he'd say "excuse me!". That kid cracks me up.

Swap Meet

We got an ad from a Halloween costume store in the mail and it's all Simon can talk about.

Simon: "For Halloween, I want to be Darth Vader. But everyone'll know it's me because my eyes will be popping out."

Simon: "I'm going to be Bobba Fett for Halloween."
Jeff: "If you're going to be Bobba Fett, you have to practice saying, "Put Captain Solo in the cargo hold". Can you do that?"
Simon: "Put Captain Solo in the cargo hold. But what does that mean?"

Simon was watching Clifford on tv yesterday. He looked at me and said, "Mom, this show is really immature."

We let Simon watch Star Wars for the first time last night. Jeff showed him the jawas, but Simon heard him wrong and called them "yahwehs". We had to explain the difference between Jawa and Yahweh.

Simon: "Do you know what a swap meet is? It's "one person's junk is another person's treasure". There's a swap meet in my room. My toys are your junk and my treasure."

Simon is still sick. He is currently curled up on the sofa with his toy lightsaber. Poor little man!

French Fries

Simon: "French fries, french."
Me: "What?"
Simon: "Pretend you don't understand me."
Me: "I really don't understand you."
Simon: "I'm speaking a different language, like in the Tower of Babel."

Simon was watching "Underdog". In the episode, they had just called in the Air Force. Simon looked at me and asked, "Why are they calling the airport?"

Simon (in his most pathetic voice): "I need to go to the hospital."
Me: "Why?"
Simon: "I scraped my finger."
Oi.

Me: "That cat is so cute! I want to take it home with me."
Simon: "Welcome to my world."I tucked Simon into bed. He immediately got out of bed and walked to the door. I asked what he was doing (it was more of a "what do you think you're doing, young man?") and he said, "I'm opening the door for you like a gentleman. When I grow up, I want to be a gentleman, like Dad."

Simon was throwing himself around the living room. After a couple minutes of this, he looked at me and said, "I just love to dance around!"

Simon said "Welcome to my world" again. Then he looked at me with confusion and said, "You didn't laugh?!?". That made me laugh and he said, "There it is." Silly boy.

Simon accused me of not telling the truth about something. I got annoyed about it (I'm not always as patient with him as I should be, I admit it) and said, "So, you think I'm a big, fat, liar?". Simon answered, "No. I think you're a big, fat, not a liar."
Ouch.

Magnetic Cereal

Simon: "My Apple Jacks are magnetic 'cause they stick together sometimes."

For Simon's quiet time tonight, Jeff read 1 Corinthians 3. He asked Simon if he knew what it meant and Simon said, "We don't belong in the world, we're children of God. And we drink milk."


Simon: "When I grow up, I'm going to be God's helper."
Simon: "Today [at school] I cut out a fish. A paper fish, not a real one. Not like it was dead or something."


Today Simon read all of Hop on Pop by himself. I'm so proud!

Me: "Simon, you need to eat your spaghetti."
Simon: "I am,I'm just savoring it."
He took ten minutes to eat one bite.

Protein

We're having people over later. Simon keeps asking when our "customers" are coming. He means company.

Simon: "God made me. God made my bones. God made protein!"

Simon accidentally knocked over a cup. It was no big deal, but he said, "I accidentally knocked over this cup that I've had for many years!"

Simon: "Mom, ask how many crackers I have!"
Me: "Okay. How many crackers do you have?"
Simon: "Only about a dozen or so."

Simon: "Mom, after I sing this song, will you tell me I'm brilliant?"

Not Much of a Singer

I told Simon that the radio station in the car kept playing the same five songs and that we should bring our own music next time. He answered, "Well, I'm not much of a singer. I just know the Spiderman song."

Simon: "How many letters are in your name?"
Me: "Five. Just like in your name."
Simon: "No, you have three! M-O-M. That's three, silly face."




This morning when I went in to wake Simon up, all that was visible was a slightly twitching pile of blankets. When I pulled the blankets back, Simon (who was very wide-awake) beamed up at me and said, "Is it school time yet?"
Simon: "I love you, Mom."
Me: "I love you too."
Simon: "Mom, I love you. I love you, Mom. I love you a lot. I have to keep saying so. I can't help myself."
I'm waiting to see what he did that he's trying to avoid punishment for.


I asked Simon what he wanted to get Jeff for his birthday (we're celebrating this weekend). So far, he's said that he wants to give him a Lego Star Wars set, Halo guys, and a transformer toy. I wonder who Simon is really shopping for?


Simon: "I showed God's love at school today!"
Me: "How did you do that?"
Simon: "Well...I was going to help Ms. Lynn clean up but instead I wandered around."
Me: "How were you showing God's love, then?"
Simon: "I was very quiet when I didn't clean up."
Hahahaha!

Lambs

Simon kept trying to lift Jeff's head off his pillow Saturday morning (apparently he wasn't waking up fast enough). He ended up dropping Jeff's head and saying, "Dad's head is too heavy because he thought so many thoughts."

The children's Sunday School rooms are split up by age. Each age has a different animal attached to it. Last year Simon was a dolphin, this year he's a lamb.
Simon: "Are lambs mammals?"
Me: "Yes."
Simon: "Good! I'm a mammal all the time but I want to be a mammal on Sunday too."

Simon: "Mom, I'm going crazy; I have to tickle you!"

Simon: "I'm freezing half to death. You must tuck me in!"
Must?

Simon to Jeff: "Hey. Don't forget to tuck me in, man."

Dear Dad...

I got into the drivers' side of the car today and Simon said, "Mom, why are you sitting in Dad's chair?"

Simon: "Why is my underwear warm?"
Me: "It just came out of the dryer."
Simon: "You're a genius, Mom." (yells to Jeff in the other room), "Dad, I think Mom is a genius!"

Simon and I were praying before he went to school this morning. I thanked God for giving me such a great son and Simon said, "You said some very nice things to God. Good job!"

Me: "I love you, Simon!"
Simon: "Phew! I was hoping so. That's great! I love you too!"


Me: "Simon, do you want to make a birthday card for Dad?"
Simon: "Sure. It says, "Dear Uncle Ryan, thank you for the crash robots" (that he got for Christmas) "and the Megatron one and Happy Birthday. Love, Simon."
Me: "No, buddy. It's Dad's birthday. Do you want to make a card for Dad?"
Simon: "Yes. It will say, "Dear Dad, blah, blah, blah."
Me: "How about writing "Happy Birthday, Love, Simon."
Simon: "Nah."

A Tall Drink of Water

Simon: "I have a germ in my throat. One germ. And it's the bad kind, not the good kind."

Grandma: "You're a tall drink of water."
Simon: "This isn't water! It's juice!"

Only Simon would feel the need to look at the tag on the back of his shirt every time he puts one on:
"Mom! I've got a jumping bean shirt!"

 Simon didn't want to do his homework (cutting out paper cookies), so I had Simon make up a story: "The bad guy, Mothman, made cookies for Batman, Mom. Batman thought they were good cookies but Mothman played a trick and they tasted gross!"
It worked, he did his homework.

Simon and Jeff watched part of the Chelsea match together (English soccer). Jeff taught Simon to say, "Peter, Cech, Cech, Cech!"
Jeff had a great time training a future fan.

Simon: "Mom, who is asthma?"
Me: "It's not a who, it's a what."
Simon: "Oh. Mom, what's an asthma?"

55 Miles Per Hour

Simon keeps trying to smooch me on the mouth, saying, "I need to practice for when I get married!"
Oh dear.

We were at Target and Simon asked, "Am I paid for?"

Jeff was tickling Simon. Simon asked him, "How do I get you to stop doing that?"

Simon, after trying to blow his nose: "Can you help me? I tried to do it, but it was a disaster."

Simon: "Why is my  nose blowsy?"
Me: "You have allergies, buddy."
Simon: "Oh, man! The world is out to get me!"
So dramatic.

Simon: "I'm a Lego ninja guy and I run really fast! I run 55 miles per hour!'

Legitimate Job Positions

I asked Simon what he wants to be when he grows up. He ended up saying he wants to be a police officer, after Jeff explained that "Halo guy" is not a legitimate job position.

Simon: "Mom, what does y'll mean?"
Oh boy.

Me: "Did you have fun at school?"
Simon: "Yup."
Me: "What did you do?"
Simon: "It's a long story. I'll tell ya later."

Simon was riding his bike yesterday. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, folded his hands and said, "God, please heal my bug bites. Amen."

Simon handed me a piece of paper and said, "It's a message from God. I'm being a prophet."
The paper was an instruction manual for a Lego set. Simon has a very strong imagination.

On the way to school this morning, Simon said, "I think school is the teacher poking a board with a stick thing. Then we go home!"

I have a t-shirt with a stormtrooper on it (yes, I am a nerd). Simon looked at it the other day and said, "Mom, that shirt is a capital idea!"

Disturbing

Simon: "Dad, did you make my toy in China?"
Jeff: "No. Why do you ask?"
Simon: "Because it says "China" on it. See? C-H-I-N-A."

Simon was yanking his hair, hard. I asked him why he was doing that and he said, "I was checking to see if I have Lego hair. I don't."

I asked Simon if he liked his new haircut and he said, "I want my hair just longer again so I look like a wookie." Cue the pout.

Simon was pretending he was asleep this morning. I said to Jeff, "You can tell Simon is pretending because he has a smile on his face."
Without opening his eyes, Simon immediately assumed an angry expression.

Simon belched then said, "Now that's disturbing."

Me: "Guess what, Simon? You get to go to school tomorrow!"
Simon: "No, thanks, 'cause I'll miss you."
Awwww!

Simon: "Can I have some chips?"
Me: "No." (It was eight a.m.)
Simon: "But I need a meal fit for a king!"
I'm still laughing about that one.

Getting squished

I "raced" Simon to the window to wave goodbye to Jeff when he left for work. I said, "You beat me to the window!", to which Simon answered, "Yeah! I always beat you at everything."
Good grief.

Simon poured water all over his hands, then put his hands on my arms and neck. I asked what on earth he was doing and he said, "I'm putting cold hands on you so you'll freak out!"

Simon has a little harmonica. He said, "That's what I'll do! I'll play music for the Lord when I grow up, with my harmonica!"

Simon: "Sit on me!"
Me: "Why? You'll get squished."
Simon: "But I love getting squished! It's fun."

Me:" Simon, are you going to eat or what?"
Simon: "What."

This has happened before, but I'm going to write it down so I don't forget. Simon calls his comforter and "comfortable".

Simon: "I'm going to teach my teacher at school how to sign 'pay attention' and 'I love you'."

Phone Book

Simon: "Did God create the people who created eggs?"
Me: "No. God created chickens and chickens lay eggs-"
Did Simon just figure out the whole 'which came first' thing?!?! Ha ha!

Simon dumped his piggy bank out on his bed (during nap time, no less). I asked him what he was doing (I wasn't all that happy with him) and he said, "I'm the Joker and the Joker is a bad guy and bad guys steal money."

My sister wore a paisley skirt yesterday. Simon saw it and said, "Wow, your dress is funky! Funky is my favorite!"

Jeff: "Do you need a phone book to sit on?"
Simon: "What's a phone book?"
We have officially turned into "back in the day" people.

Simon: "I need to tell you a knock knock joke: how many doors can Captain America open? Zero. Ha ha ha!"
What?

Me: "You need to eat so you have energy."
Simon: "Energy to be naughty?"
Oh boy.

A warning to everyone who regularly converses with Simon: his new favorite word is 'betrayed'. Don't take it personally if Simon accuses you of betraying him like Judas betrayed Jesus. I wonder what his school teacher will think of that one.

Wakie Wakie

Simon realized that the scab on the end of his nose is gone. He wandered into the other room and I heard him saying, "God, you healed me! That's amazing! That's totally amazing, God!"
He is a really good reminder of how God likes to hear from us.

I was talking to Simon this morning. He interrupted me to say, "Mom, sometimes I interject."
No kidding.

I asked Simon if he wanted waffles for breakfast. He looked at me and said, "D! That means 'yes' in Spanish."
I answered, "'Yes' in Spanish is si."
Simon then said, "Oh. I said the wrong letter."

Simon: "I have no desire to eat my breakfast."
Me (trying to keep a straight face): "Can you eat anyway?"
Simon: "I guess so, 'cause I totally love you. I totally do."

Simon built a spaceship out of Legos. He told us it was called "Golden Yellow, Black Star, Tie Fighter Ship". Then he told me its' nickname: Ship.

Simon: "Wakie, wakie, heads and bakey."

Are We In Heaven?

We passed a Zaxby's and Simon wanted to know what the sign said. Jeff said, "Sound it out. What's the first letter?"
Simon: "Z."
Jeff: "What's the second letter?"
Simon: "Can't you guess!?!"

Me: "What did you learn about in church this morning?"
Simon: "That one guy who lowered that guy who couldn't move into that one house and he got healed. I love that story!"

Simon: "So, how was your day so far, Dad?"

Simon was in the play area at Chick-Fil-A. He was acting really timid and was kind of hanging back. I told him to go make some new friends (there were some kids about his age there). He found the only other adult in the room, sauntered up to her and said, "Hey, how's it goin'?"

Simon:"I had a blast at church, even though I got worn out there."

Simon: "Are we in heaven?"
Wanda (a friend): "No, we're on earth. It's too hot to be heaven."
Me: "Simon, what do you need to do to get to heaven?"
Simon: "Die."

Southeast

I went driving last night to practice for my license. Simon said, "Mom, Dad needs to drive!" but later changed his mind saying, "Dad, Mom is the most better" (he's still learning when to say "more" and when not to) "driver than you". Ha!

Simon: "Excuse me, Mom? I have to say something."
Me: "What, Simon?"
Simon: "You're so silly, it knocks my socks off!"

Simon took one bite of the dinner we made for him, then said, "I eat variety, admit it!"

Simon: "Dad, can I have some water?"
Jeff: "Sure, buddy."
Simon: "And don't forget to make it extra watery!"

Every five minutes, Simon wants me to "fix" his hair. I'm getting really tired of brushing his hair. Cowlicks are cowlicks, kid. They're going to be there for a while.

Simon: "We need to go get a new robot helmet for me. We just need to go by my VPK-left, right, then left, then southeast. Then-you're there!"

Simon: "Mom, let's watch my show in Spanish!"

As You Wish

Simon: "I'm going to play a game: I'm going to shoot you with my blaster, then I'm going to kiss you."

Simon: "There's someone with a lawnmower and a sombrero by our house. That's kind of odd."
I didn't see the person he was talking about, but I seriously doubt he was wearing a sombrero. Life is so interesting through a kids' eyes.

Me: "Simon, take a bite of your dinner please."
Simon: "As you wish."
Now, I'm fully aware that, since he hasn't see Princess Bride, there's no way he was quoting that movie. It made me laugh anyway.

Me: "You're being silly."
Simon: "I'm just like that sometimes."

Last night Simon got out of bed. His reason? He wanted to apologize for getting out of bed.

Me: "Simon, I like your picture of Robin. You are so creative!"
Simon: "Are you mocking me?"

Yesterday I made bath paint for Simon (shaving cream and food coloring. It was easy to clean up, too). He had a great time painting, and just as much fun helping me clean up.

The Blue Jordan River

Simon was brushing his hair (after soaking it in the sink first) and somehow managed to give himself a jerry curl. I asked, "Simon, how'd you get to be so cute?"
He answered, "I kinda think God made me that way."

Simon: "I sorta like pants, but I like underwear better."


Simon: "I wish I could fly to the top of the Statue of Litterly like Superman."
Me: "Do you mean the Statue of Liberty?"
Simon: "The one that looks like a lady holding up something weird."

Yesterday I asked Simon what he wanted for lunch. He said waffles and I told him no (he ate those for breakfast), then macaroni and cheese. When I told him no to that (he ate that for dinner the night before; a special treat since boxed mac & cheese isn't exactly healthy), he sighed and said, "Well, then. I guess I'm out of options."

Simon: "When I grow up, I want to be a race car driver because I'm a transformer that transforms into a race car, then- VROOM!"


Yesterday, I made a "sight word treasure hunt" in our bathtub. Simon loved it! He told me he was "in the blue Jordan River".

Millennium Falcon

Simon is obsessed with idea of putting on "suits" that make him into different animals. His newest: "I put on my creature suit. Now I turn into a millennium falcon."

Simon has really gotten into Star Wars. It's funny because he's never seen it. The other day, I had to say, "Luke Skywalker, you need to eat your food" or "Luke Skywalker, what color clothes do you want to wear?".

Me: "What are you doing?"
Simon: "Oh, nothing special."

Me: "Good morning. What did you dream about last night?"
Simon: "Nothing, 'cause my eyes were open all night."

Simon (with panic in his voice): "I haven't seen Dad play Lego Batman in  years!"

I saw that Simon was having a hard time getting the hand towel on the towel rack. I asked if he wanted help and he said, "Thank you! I've been trying and trying for minutes and minutes!"

Jeff: "Are you done with your macaroni and cheese?"
Simon: "Um...I think I'm going to eat my last piece in a jiffy."

Naked Like a Penny

Simon decided to pretend he was a new superhero, Axelchop. He said, "Anxelchop poses with his axe like this." (Strikes pose) "He does it just to show off."

Simon: "Sadios means good-bye in Spanish."

I told Simon it was time for his bath and he said, "Time to get naked like a penny!"

Jeff: "One of these days, I'll teach you my special puddle-jumping tricks."
Simon: "You mean like jumping in the puddle upside-down?"

A friend of ours asked Simon how he was doing. He said, "Um, I'm not sure."

Me: "What happened in your class [at church] tonight?"
Simon: "Well, it started with me. Then Eli came..."

Simon (excitedly): "Mom, guess what? God created the guy who made Legos!"

Wishful Thinking

Simon: "We have to go to the new Winn Dixie that's up the street. It just has robots that are only for kids and it's by the chicken and fries place so we might as well stop there too."
Wishful thinking.

Simon was rolling around in his blankets. He wound himself up like a hotdog and said, "I'm stuck tighter than an astronaut!"
Huh?

Me: "Hey, Simon, what do you want for lunch?"
Simon: "Your face! Hahaha!"
He's been learning from Jeff.

Simon explained why he kept getting out of bed last night: "I was seeing what you were doing to make sure it was still boring."

Simon: "Mom, do you love me even when I belch like this: BWWUUUUPPP!?"

Simon, talking to Jeff on the phone: "Dad, you're uber-cool!"

Simon: "Mom, I smell ripe. I'm good to eat and I need a bath."

I got a phone call from the library, saying Simon won a prize for reading. I told him and he immediately said, "Is my prize a toy? I think is must be a trophy!"

Simon: "I believe in God so I'm going to Heaven with you but I'm going to bring macaroni and cheese in case I get hungry and a bed for when I'm tired."

You can't stop the meat!

Simon was singing along with "You Can't Stop The Beat" from the movie Hairspray. He kept singing, "You can't stop the meat!" I like his version better.

Me: "Why are you hitting your hand?"
Simon: "It just seemed like the thing to do."

Simon was playing with his Indiana Jones Lego set and I just heard him say, "No time for love, Dr. Jones."

Simon said to me this morning: "Mom, I need help with my chore" (his chore is making his bed) "because I was defeating the squid and blah, blah, blah, I lost and now it's a messy mess!"

Me: "Simon, do you want to practice writing?"
Simon: "I certainly do!"

Simon: "Mom, you're brave. Dad is brave. I'm brave, but sometimes I'm a coward."
Aren't we all?

"Am I daft?"

Me: "You're creative, Simon."
Simon: "Oh, shocks."
Me: "Shocks?"
Simon: "I said "oh, shocks" 'cause I'm embarrassed."
Me: "Do you mean 'oh, shucks'?"
Simon: "No. That's silly."

Simon: "I'm not quite sure what color I need to wear. Can you go take a look-see in my room? I want to look spiffy, like a superhero."

Simon: "Am I daft? Or just dazed?"
He knows the meaning of the word "dazed", but I have no idea where he heard "daft".

Simon said, "I'm confused about why you're old. You're even eight!"
Me: "Actually, I'm twenty nine."
Simon (whispering to his toy Batman car): "She's twenty nine! Can you believe it?!?"

Jealous

While we were in Chick-Filet the other day, we walked by an army soldier. Simon looked at him, then turned to me and whispered (very audibly), "Why is that man wearing pajamas?"

A while ago Simon about Solomon having many wives. He told me very seriously, "If I marry you when I grow up and you're married to Dad, that'd be bad."
Oh kid, you have no idea. Ha ha!

My friend was telling a story about he husband: "Bruce was-"
Simon: "Jealous?"
She was about to say "meticulous".

Simon: "Mom, you're a good driver, but you need to learn how to park more better."
To be fair, I did almost crash into the downstairs neighbors' front window.

Me: "Simon, will you please eat your breakfast?"
Simon: "Sure! Wait-what?"
...And it starts.

Simon to me: "You look pretty today, honey."
He's been imitating Jeff a lot lately.

Simon: "I know what cowboys do, but I don't have a saddle!" Thinks for a minute, "Or a horse!"

Moses Overreacted

We read Simon the story of Moses. When we got to the part about Moses killing the Egyptian, Simon said, "Moses overreacted."
I love my silly boy!

Simon: "You should buy my toy robot from me. It's buy one, get one."
Me: "How expensive is it?"
Simon: "Pretty darn expensive."

Simon couldn't find a toy he was looking for. He did his best superhero pose and said, "A great superhero never gives up!"
He did eventually find his toy.

I was coughing yesterday because I swallowed the wrong way. Simon, looking concerned, said, "Maybe a brain is stuck in your lungs."

Looking in the mirror this morning, Simon shouted, "Oh no! I have a cowlick circus on my head!"

Discovery

Simon dropped his head into his hands and yelled, "Oh no! A cowlick!"

Simon: "I hurt my neck. Please get rid of it."
Me: "Oh, buddy, it will go away on its' own. I can't really do much to get rid of that hurt."
Simon: "No, I meant get rid of my neck."
Oh.

Simon: "Let's play Discovery."
Me: "How do you play that?"
Simon: "You discover bad guys, then you defeat them and realize they're your best friends."

Simon kept craning his neck in weird ways. I finally asked what he was doing and he said: "I can't see my bum!"
Me: "Why are you trying to see your bum?"
Simon: "To see if I'm a giraffe."
Me: "Why would a giraffe look at its' bum?"
Simon (as if it's the most obvious thing in the world): "To see if it has a tail."

Simon: "I want to go birdwatching."
Me: "Do you know how to do that?"
Simon: "By using, b-noculors, of course! And a camera, and paint to paint on the birds. Will they even come close to me?"
Me: "Probably not. Birds are skittish. Do you remember what that means?"
Simon: "They get startled easy. But there's more to it: bird balloons. It's something that a balloon with no strings. You just do a show with it by playing with it any way you want to and make the birds happy."

I did take him outside. I forgot to put batteries in the camera, which is too bad. It was so funny to see him stopping to stare at every tree, bird, and bug with his binoculars. He did get to see an eagle, which was pretty cool.

Me: "Simon, I need you to do your chore, please." (His chore is to make his bed)
Simon: "Okay, but no allowance please 'cause money has germs!"

"I transform into a PT Cruiser"

Simon: "I transform into a PT Cruiser."
Don't ask; I have no idea.

Simon: "Do you know how to whistle? I can't. I just spit."

Jeff had sore muscles. He said, "I'm an old man", to which Simon answered, "I'm a new man".


Simon: "Dad's pricklies are from his moosetache".
Me (laughing): "Dad has a moosetache?"
Simon: "I was trying to say a word with "stache"."
Jeff doesn't have a mustache.

Simon: "When I don't have clothes on I look like a hippie."

Simon: "Are teenagers good, or are they maniacs?"
Jeff: "Yes."

Simon has a huge crush on a little girl from church. His latest compliment: "She has a beautiful voice."
Simon has started saying, "I think I'll move to Australia" whenever he falls or bumps into something. He really likes "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Day." If you haven't read it to your kid, you should. I love that he likes books that much!

I hope your week is a good one!

Simon Plays "Simon Says"

Simon played "Simon Says" for the first time a while back. I asked him what he said when he was "Simon" and he said, "Simon says, stop playing the game."
He seemed disappointed that it didn't work. Ha ha ha!

Me: "Simon, it's time to come eat."
Simon: "But I'm in the middle of pretending!"

Simon: "Mom, guess what? I think I just said something brilliant."

Simon decided to tell Jeff a story: "There was a Transformer named Dead Wire and he's High Wire's brother and he never existed before, and I think I made him up." He said all of this in one breath.

I asked Simon if he remembered what some of God's rules (the Ten Commandments) are. He looked panicked and said, "But I didn't steal anything!"
I actually had to explain that I wasn't asking because he was in trouble.

"Miners, keepers"

Simon: "Will you fix my Lego ship?"
Me:" I'll try. Why don't you hand it to me?"
Simon: "Very well."
Wow, he sounded haughty. I'll have to work on that one.

Simon found (yet another) one of his toys in my room. He said, "How silly of me to leave a toy in your bedroom!"

Simon: "If I crack my hands, then I won't have any hands."
Me:" Why do you think you're going to get cracked hands?"
Simon: "Because I'm getting old like you."
Ouch! So, I'm old and I have leathery skin?

Simon: "Miners, keepers."
I'm pretty sure he meant "finders, keepers!"

Simon: "I need a drink."
Me: "You can have some water."
Simon: "Dad needs a drink too. He drinks coffee or caffeine. Coffee, my old friend!"

Simon got a drink of water in the bathroom and toasted himself in the bathroom mirror.

Simon: "Oh no! I've got variety on my hands!"|

Enjoy your Sunday!

"My Legos are delicate!"

Simon (while hiccuping): "I need some hiccup medicine!"
Me: "There's no such thing, buddy."
Simon: "I know. I made it up!"

Simon: "Be careful. My Legos are delicate."

Simon: "I worked on my robot so hard! It took a looong time! For three minutes, maybe it was even five minutes!"

Simon (very seriously): "Are there Transformers in Florida?"

Me: "Simon, do you need to go to the bathroom?"
Simon: "I don't comprehend your question."
He sounds like such a little old man!

Simon: "You should be enthusiastic about playing robots with me."

Simon: "When I don't go in the potty, you get quite put out."
Ha ha ha ha!

Sorta Naked

Yesterday, Simon kept yawning. A friend asked if he was tired and Simon said, "It's not a tired yawn. It's a good morning yawn."

After his bath, Simon said, "I don't look good 'cause I'm sorta naked."
Maybe Adam thought this after he and Eve sinned?

In the middle of playing with his toys, Simon stopped and, using his best "announcer" voice, "had a commercial": "Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Sentinel Prime, Prowl and more for the first time."

I had taken a toy away from Simon a day ago for bad behavior. When I gave it back, he shouted, "Joker! I'm so glad! I thought I lost you!"
Always the dramatist.

Simon crashed two of his toys together and pretended that one of them said "Now I've got a headache. I think I'll go to jail."

On our way home last night, a car in front of us in our apt. complex was reversing its' way down the road. Simon asked Jeff what the car was doing and Jeff said "something weird". Simon shrugged and said, "I guess we'll just have to crash into it."

Intelligent

Simon: "What are termites?"
Me: "They're bugs."
Simon:"Mom, did you know that termites are bugs?"
No, I had no idea. Ha ha!

Simon has been up for about an hour and has already asked me at least a hundred questions. I finally told him I don't know. He asked why and I said, "Because I don't know everything", to which he answered, "Ah, sure you do!"

Simon (sadly): "It doesn't snow out here. It only snows in Canada."

Simon was pretending he was a Transformer yesterday. Something I said made him giggle and he said, "I can't believe you made a Transformer laugh!"

Simon: "Mom, I'm intelligent. But you're intelligenter!"

"Candy Store Tuesday"

Simon, while watching Lego Star Wars: "Who is that Lego guy with the white hair?"
Me: "It's supposed to be George Lucas. He ruined the Star Wars movies."
Simon:"How'd he do that?"
Me:"He created Jar Jar Binks."
Simon:"Ohhhh. Yoda can defeat him."
I'm not sure if he meant Jar Jar Binks or George Lucas.

Simon:"What are you drinking?"
Me:"Water."
Simon:" Can I try some?"
He took a sip and said, "You're right! It is water!"
Uh...surprise?

Simon: "I'm the Reddler" (Riddler) "and I'm going to zap the good guys after I watch Lego Star Wars and build a fighting robot!"

Simon: "Can I have a donut?"
Me: "Donuts are only once in a while treats."
Simon:"But today is once in a while!"

Yesterday Simon informed me that it was "candy store Tuesday."
Where does he get these things?

Simon: "Mom, you're weird. But it's okay. I still love you."

Numbers

We passed the bowling alley yesterday (we pass it almost every day, but Simon really felt the urge to talk about bowling for the rest of the day). As we were driving by, he said, "I don't roll gutter balls. I roll sidewalk balls."

As part of a long conversation that started with the Battle of Jericho, I told Simon that God does things a certain way for reasons that we might not always understand. He said, "Raisins? I love raisins! They're little and round. Can I eat some?"

Simon: "Look! A bowling ball! I don't know how it works, but I used one at the bowling place."

There were two groups of ducks yesterday. Jeff told Simon that they could add the two groups together and Simon said, "What are we going to add? Numbers? That's cool."

Impressed

After building a Lego "ice gun", Simon decided to use it to fight the pretend bad guys. He then threw it on the floor and yelled, "Oh no! The bad guys destroyed my ice gun!"
I asked what he was going to do about it. He assumed his superhero pose and said (in as deep a voice as he can manage): "Now it's time to get creative!"

We went to an appointment this morning. Simon kept telling me that he needed to use the restroom. When I took him, he looked around in the bathroom and said, "I'm not impressed."

Simon: "Mom, I ate too much! It ruined me!"
He is so dramatic!

Simon had a pimple on the end of his nose yesterday. He kept calling it a "blimple".

Simon: "When I fall over and whack myself, it's hilarious!"

This morning, I told Jeff that I needed to go put makeup on so I didn't scare anybody. Then I saw Simon huddled in a ball on the sofa. I asked him if he was cold and he said, "No, Mom. You're scaring me."

Simon: "Mom, I'm really sorry for being greedy."
Me: "How were you being greedy?"
Simon: "I wanted more toys in my head. But it was a secret."

"I'm hysterical!"

Simon has a Cars tattoo on his arm. He said to my husband, "Dad, tell me who this is. You get three guesses."

Simon: "The yawns mean I'm starting to get tired and busy-tailed."

Simon: "I don't want to be Batman. He eats bat food. I'm Robin. He's eats mac and cheese."

Simon came running up to me yesterday (he was supposed to be taking a nap) and said, "I had a bright idea!"
I told him his idea had better be going back to bed.

Simon: "I am in dire need of macaroni and cheese."

Simon got frustrated with the Lego car he was trying to make. He told me, "I'm hysterical! I need to take a break!"

Simon: "Dad, are your bones still put together?"

Mr. Terry: "Hey, Simon, have you eaten a play-doh cake before?"
Simon:"No, Mr. Terry."
Mr. Terry: "Then how do you know it tastes bad?"
Simon: "I might have had a little..."

"Am I a kid, or am I a Muppet?"

Simon and his multiple band-aids

It's been awhile since I've written a post, so some of these are a few days old.

My husband got Simon up at 6:30 the other day, so that I could take Simon to our small group  breakfast. Usually, Simon is alert and ready to go long before the alarm goes off, but this time he rolled over and said, "Dad, you need to fix the clock." I guess he didn't like the time.

Simon had been walking around with his mouth hanging open, every few seconds asking, "Is my tooth loose yet?"
I told him that he won't start losing his baby teeth until he's five or six and he started asking, "Am I five yet?"

Simon (singing): "Sleepy eyes are not so good, not so good, not so good..."

My little man fell the other day. I started the long, arduous process of cleaning and and putting on band-aids. Simon only cried a little when he fell, but once the band-aids started going on, he burst into tears and sniffled, "I have a bad life!"

Simon to Jeff: "Mom knows everything about stuff."

After getting his bath, Simon threw the towel (which had been wrapped around him) on the floor and loudly announced, "I'm unwrapped!"

Simon's new favorite thing to say: "Oh, my sweet potatoes!"
He is creative, I'll give him that.

This one will only make sense if you've seen the new Muppets movie. Simon has been singing, "Am I a kid, or am I a Muppet?" while bopping around the living room.

Scooterbaker

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Giving a Rough House

Simon pulled on my fingers when I tried to leave after putting him down for his nap yesterday. My knuckled popped. Simon said, "Sorry for cracking you!"

Simon: "After dinner, I'll fight Dad. I'll punch him. Then he'll punch me and I'll go flying!"
Just a reassurance; no one in our family is being abused.

Simon: "When I pee in the potty and flush the potty at the same time, that's called multitasking." (In a singsong voice) "Mul-ti-tas-king!"


Jeff was heading down the stairs to go to work today. Simon said, "Dad, come back! I have to give you something."
Once Jeff got to the top of the stairs, Simon lightly punched him in the stomach. Then he told me, "I gave Dad a roughhouse."

Dirty Bird

Simon: "God follows me everywhere. He's in my shadow."

After Simon woke up from his nap yesterday (he actually took one) I asked if he would give me a hug. He answered, "Sure! I just need to stretch first."

Simon: "Mom, you burped. You should be embarrassed. "
The funny thing? I hadn't burped.

Simon came running into my room this morning. Instead of yelling his usual "The light is green!", he was shouting, "What's the plan for today? What's the plan for today?"

Simon: "We're skipping my bath. It's okay if I'm a dirty bird 'cause Legos can't smell."
He obviously wanted to play Legos instead of bathing.

Yesterday Simon decided his stuffed Big Bird was a parrot. Of course I went along with his little game. This morning I asked if he could put his parrot back on his bed. Simon patted my arm  (rather condescendingly) and said, "Mom, don't you know? Big Bird's not a parrot. It's okay, though. You can say he is if you want."

"Can you make me taller?"

Good morning! I've got a bit more than usual today:

Simon said to me, "When you get to be my age, you're going to be a space master."

Simon: "I'm lousy with eating food."

Simon asked Jeff, "Can I go through a growth spurt and check how tall I am?"

Jeff was turning on the computer. Simon said, "No, you need to click on the picture!"
Jeff: "Thanks!"
Simon: "No problem. I'm really good at computer stuff now."

Simon: "Can you make me taller so I can reach my balloon?"

Simon: "How old am I?"
Jeff: "You're four, Buddy."
Simon: "Aw, man! I thought I was five now!"

Simon has started saying he has a "brother". I think he's teaming up with Jeff to convince me he needs a sibling.
Simon: "My brother is smaller than me."
Me: "How old is he?"
Simon: "He's five teen."
Me: "Simon, if you had a brother who was fifteen, he'd be older than you."
Simon: "Nuts! I thought I was older!"

Tricky

On Wednesday, Simon had help making a paper airplane. He proudly showed it to me and said, "This plane flies to Australia!"

Jeff: "What do you want to thank God for?"
Simon: "The whole universe!"
Jeff: "Is there anything more specific you want to pray about?"
Simon: "Robots."

I caught Simon talking to his Lego guys: "Hello, you two! What are you up to?"

Thanks to the game Apples to Apples, Simon has decided that his new favorite term is "roadkilling". I would explain that it's "roadkill" but I don't really want him running around saying that, either. Ha ha!

Last night we had some friends over and Simon had an epic sword battle with one of them. This morning, he said: "I fought Hobie and I defeated him because I was tricky! I think I cheated."
Simon had so much fun with both Hobie and his sister that he's already annoyed at me because they aren't coming back over today. I am losing popularity points here.

Simon: "I like you hair. 'Cause it's really funny when you put it behind your ears!"

I Lost My Appetite

Simon: "I lost my appetite. It's gone forever. I have to go find it. I expect to find it later."

Simon: "I'm weak from the sickness."
I'm pretty sure he just said that because he didn't want to do something I had asked him to do.

Simon spent some time conversing with a friend's cat. Needless to say, it was a pretty one-sided talk.

Simon has a teenager friend named Hobie. He saw another teenage boy today and he said, "It's another Hobie."
That really made me laugh.

Simon's been giving me extra hugs today to "cheer me up". I love my little guy!

Enjoy your week!

Biblical Blunders

Simon: "David was annoyed by oil."
Jeff: "I think you meant "anointed"."
Later on, Simon changed it to, "David was anointed by ale."

Jeff was talking about ways to share Jesus' love. He said to Simon, "Can you give me an example,please?"
Simon looked solemnly at Jeff and said, "Example."

We asked Simon what songs he's learning in kid's choir on Wednesdays. He said his favorite is the "H-I-P-P-I-E song". What are they teaching him on Wednesdays?

Me: "Simon, what did you learn about in your quiet time with Dad?"
Simon: "That man who got naked."
Simon was talking about Noah (Genesis 9:21).

Twinkle Toes

We were at the store and I had a frog in my throat. I started coughing and Simon, looking concerned, said, "Mom has bad breath."
In between chuckles, Jeff said, "No, Mom has to catch her breath."

Today Simon handed me a balloon and said, "Here you go, Twinkle Toes."

Jeff yawned and Simon said, "I'm with you there, buddy."

Simon whispered to me, "I think Dad has a crush on you."
I said, "I have a crush on Dad too."
Simon answered, "That's awkward."

Are You Impressed?

I was at a ladies' retreat all of this past weekend so all of these are from last night or this morning:

Jeff: "If you could have any one thing, what would you want?"
Simon: "God in my heart."
Awwww!

Simon built a Lego boat. He showed it to Jeff and said, "I really wanted to impress you."

I was in the bathroom getting ready for the day. Simon lay down on the bedroom floor and yelled, "I am trying to keep you company!" I think he missed me.

Simon: "God is with me. Every time I do something, God is with me. Also-I can stick to stuff."

Acknowledge my shirts!

Simon: "Acknowledge my shirts!'
I think he was referring to the clothes he got for his birthday.

Simon: "I'm not powerful. God is powerful."

Jeff was tickling Simon. Simon ended up lying on the floor, giggling. Then he said, "Okay, you win!"

Simon: "Let's play baseball."
Me: "Buddy, we don't have a baseball or a bat."
Simon: "Okay. Let's play Connect Four."
Can you think of two activities that have less in common?

Simon, playing with Legos: "I'm building a police tractor. It's a lot of work."

Simon: "Let's build an eggloo!"
Me: "Do you mean 'igloo'?"
Simon: "Yup."
Me: "Well, there's no snow, but we can try to make one out of blankets."
Simon: "No, thanks. That's fake."
Ha ha ha!

Have a great day!

Simon turns four!

This was dropped on my lap at seven this morning.

My little boy just turned four! I have no idea where the time went! We had a Lego-themed party for him on Sunday, so today he's just been playing with his presents:

My sister called to wish Simon a happy birthday. I think he didn't recognize her voice because he said, "Nice to meet you, I love you, bye!"

I took Simon to the park in our apartment complex. Once we got there, Simon said, "Next time, let's catch a cab."

Usually Simon wakes me up by running into the room yelling "The light is green!" (he has a traffic light clock and he's not allowed to get up until the light turns green at seven). Today he also dumped his new Transformer toy on my lap. That thing is heavy!

His Lego birthday cake.

Babysitting Fun

A few of these are from this morning, but most of them happened while my mom was babysitting.

Simon was riding in the back of a friend's truck next to a little girl. She started crying and Simon said, "She needs to be distracted." He knows how to calm down an infant!

I moved a bag out of reach of the little girl and she started to cry. I said, "I know, I'm mean." and Simon said, "You're not mean! You're lovely and nice! You're a sweetheart!"
I told him thank you and that he was a sweetheart and he said, "I am a sweetheart, but I have a temper problem."

Simon's grandma was coming over to babysit. Simon said, "I love your mom. I love everybody."

While my mom was here, she wanted to watch the Muppets with Simon (she hadn't seen it yet). Simon wanted to watch Cars (of course) for the millionth time. My mom said, "Pleeeeaaassse can we watch the Muppets?" Apparently Simon answered, "Very well."

Simon and my mom were putting away Simon's toys and he told her that they were "being effective".

My mom was cutting Simon's hair and he was getting really antsy. She told him to look in the mirror and see how silly he'd look with only half his hair cut. Simon went and looked and said, "I look like Walter." (From the Muppets).

War Hug!

Simon has started singing, "Shave and a haircut, dirtbike."

Simon slipped a piece of paper under the bathroom door (he does that all the time) then yelled, "It says, "I love you so much!" and it says it's from Simon. That's me."

Simon was putting away his toys and I wanted to give him his vitamin before I forgot. I told him he could stop cleaning up for a minute and he said, "I can't. Rules are rules, buddy."
Of course, he didn't actually finish putting his toys away. He hid under the sofa and played with his Legos.

I was hugging Simon this morning. Jeff came over and started hugging us both. Simon said, "It's a war hug!"

Simon: "Is it my birthday?"
Me: "Not yet."
Simon: "Is it my birthday now?"
Me: "No, Simon."
Simon: "Is it my birthday now?"
Me: "Simon, you birthday isn't until Tuesday."
Simon: "Oh. Pretend today is Tuesday."

Optimus Prime vs. Megatron

Simon: "My superpower is love."
I like that superpower.

Simon: "This hand" (holds up left hand) "is Optimus Prime. My right hand is violent because it's Megatron."
Simon then proceeded to start smacking himself in the head with his right hand while pulling at his right hand with his left. What does that remind you of?

Simon has a disk shooter (one of those junky ones from a kid meal or something; I honestly have no idea where he got it) which he was playing with, "I found a disk! I'm rich!"

A little girl was coughing while drinking a water yesterday. Simon started coughing too. I said, "Are you  mimicking her?" and Simon answered, "No. I'm mocking her."
Later one, we had a talk about being nice.

Simon decided to rename one of his stuffed animals "Elijah" after one of his favorite Bible characters.

Simon: "I can't eat 'cause I'm distracted."

I've been able to tell when Simon is about to misbehave lately because he's started saying, "Don't look at me" when he's about to do something he's not supposed to do.

Simon has been laying on the floor singing, "Shave and a haircut, two bits." It's cracking me up!

Electric Swords

Simon: "Where's Dad?"
Me: "He had to go to work early."
Simon: "That's a bummer."

Simon has informed me that today he is...wait for it...AWKWARD BOY!

After I read Dr. Seuss' book Wacky Wednesday to Simon, he's decided that pretty much everything is wacky. He's including me in that assessment.

I told Simon that he got invited to a birthday party and he said, "I'm invited to my birthday party too!"
He's invited to his party? Gee, I hope he plans on making an appearance. Ha ha!

Simon: "I fight fire with a sword!"
Me: "Really?"
Simon: "Well, an electric one?"
Me: "Does Uncle Mike fight fire with a sword?" (Simon's uncle is a firefighter)
Simon: "No! Uncle Mike has a lightsabre instead of a sword."

Simon was playing with Legos. He told me that he built "A Dirtbike 3000. It clutches up bad guys!"

Enjoy your day!

The Fair

                                                Simon flirting with a fairgoer

Jeff and Simon were sharing some gummy worms the other day.  Simon said, "Thanks for sharing with me.I really enjoy these!"

After Jeff gave Simon a gummy worm, Simon looked at me and said, "What did Dad give this to me for?"
Me: "Because he was sharing."
Simon: "Oh, I do love sharing!"

We were all watching 'Wheel of Fortune' and trying to solve the puzzle, Simon said, "I guess it was Owen because of the O's but I was wrong, so I don't get the prizes." Owen is a little friend of his.

Simon to me: "You're very huggable."

There's a little girl in Simon's Sunday School class named Ansley. Simon has a little crush on her.
Simon: "When Ansley comes, I think she's pretty! Pretty and Beautiful."

Jeff and I were listing all the people in our small group so that I'd make enough for breakfast for everyone on Sunday. Simon came over and joined the fun:
"Joke, the Mad Hatter, Megatron...There's my list of enemies." Ha ha ha! I think he misunderstood what we were doing.

We went to the fair yesterday. Simon is very skittish around loud noises and he had a tough time around the games. I mentioned to the friend we went with that I thought it was just sensory overload. Simon remembered.
Me: "What did you like at the fair?"
Simon: "The animals. Like the horses, and the cow, and the fat pig."
Me: "Is there anything you didn't like?"
Simon (very solemnly): "The rides.I have sensry load. It makes me nauseous."

There was a little girl that was with us yesterday. Simon said, "When she was screeching, I was very concerned." She wasn't screeching, she was just a little upset at one point.

Making Music

Yesterday, Simon stared down at his skinny little legs poking out of his shorts. He said, "My legs look awkward."
Me: "Why do you think that? Is it because you're wearing shorts?"
Simon: "Because I don't have those knee pads that make me go fast."

Simon: "It's fun to make music! Burping is music."

Simon: "I'm a transformer named Spitstream!"
Ew!!!

Simon: "I just agreed with you."
(I hadn't said anything to him, so I was a little confused)Me: "What did agree with me about?"
Simon: "Nothing. I disagree with you all the time!"

Simon (smiling the whole time): "I'm having a grumpy day."
Me: "Why? Is it because you went to bed late last night but you didn't sleep late this morning?"
Simon: "Yup, that's about it!"
He wasn't remotely grumpy.

A Ninja Warrior for God

Simon: "I'm so cool, I can't even think of myself!"

After his bath, Simon told me, "I'm cold like a ninja in the desert!"

Simon: "I'm a ninja warrior for God."

Simon got frustrated over his Green Lantern mask this morning.
Simon: "Stupid mask!"
Me: "Simon, we don't use that word, remember?"
Simon:"Oh, yeah. It's a very strong word."

"That's all you need to know"

As Jeff was walking out the door Simon said, "Don't forget to give Matt a hug!"
Matt is Jeff's co-worker.

Simon: "I dreamed Dad and you were in a jeep. And it was rus-ty!"

Simon had a piece of paper that he'd "written a note on".
"My note says, "Come to Simon's birthday on PBSkids.org"."

Simon: "He is so helicoptory I can't think!"
He was talking about one of his toys, I think. I'm honestly not sure.

After going puddle jumping with me (we had so much fun!) Simon said, "I'm getting puddle sick."

Simon: "Do you want to play transformers and a disk?"
Me: "I don't know how to play that."
Simon: "You have a transformer and a disk to throw. That's all you need to know."

Simon: "I'm a cool toy! I'm fast, and I glow in the dark, and my hands turn like this" (demonstration here), "I am a cool human!"

I hope you're having a great weekend!

"A smaller version of me"

I had to write two posts today because Simon is being so funny!

Simon made a robot out of megablocks. Then he shocked me by saying, "Let's see how this baby works. Start 'er up!"

I helped Simon with his megablock creation. I said, "I think we make a good team.", to which he answered, "Almost, but not quite. We need to build a bigger robot."

Simon won't wear band-aids, but I've discovered that if I call them "wraps" his reaction is very different: "Amazing wraps! I'm so excited to wear one!"

Simon: "I'm a smaller version of me".

Brilliant and famous

Simon was "creating a volmegatron" (his words). He told me it was going to be "brilliant and famous".

We played Telephone with Simon. "Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers" became "Rubber buggy poopers." Gotta love my silly boy!

Simon has a shoe string that he's been pretending is attached to a grappling hook. He tried to swing on it. Needless to say, it didn't support his weight. He reenacted what happened and said, "See? That's the situation of swinging."

Simon wanted to take his paper roll "gauntlets" into the bath with him.
Me: "We're going to leave them out because if they get wet, they'll be ruined."
Simon: "They won't get wet. Believe me!"
Me: "We're going to leave them out to be on the safe side."
Simon: "Be on my safe side!" (he put every ounce of betrayal he was feeling into that statement.)

Feline Friends

Simon saw a truck about to pass under some traffic lights, prompting this comment: "Look, a semi truck! It's huge! I hope it doesn't hit those lights!"

Simon (yelling at the plane flying overhead), "Wait, jet plane! I want to play with you!"

There was a cat at the playground today. It fell in love with Simon. It followed him up the stairs to the slide, through the tunnel, and would jump down and wait for Simon at the bottom of the slide.It did this for about forty minutes, then it rubbed up against Simon one last time and sauntered away. It was pretty much the cutest thing ever! And, of course, I left the camera inside.

Simon picked a dandelion and blew the top off (he inhaled so deeply, I thought he was going to suck the whole thing into his mouth). Then he politely tried to stick the weed back into the ground! He couldn't understand why I was laughing.

Simon said wistfully, "I always wanted headlights."

Simon said, "I got a coupon for you!"
It turns out he had ripped a picture of a brownie out of the paper.

Enjoy your day!

Gotta Dance!

Simon (to a Publix employee): " 'S' is for Simon. That's my name! Just so you know."

Simon: "Sometimes you just gotta dance!"

Last night Simon asked, "Can I have something that has sugar?"

Simon: "We need to go to the craft store to get you a pirate sword."
Jeff: "Oh yeah?"
Simon: "Yeah, we need to get you a pirate sword 'cause I need two."
Sneaky,sneaky!

Onomatopoeia!

What's the rush?

I opened the sliding glass door. Simon asked why and I said, "So we can get some fresh air."
Simon: "I already have air."
Me: "Okay. I can leave the door shut if you want."
Simon: "Wait. I'll have more air, if you please."

Simon: "Bad guys don't need hats."
Oh-kay?

Simon: "If someone says something foolish, you say 'that's okay'."

Simon solemnly said, "I have a lot to say."
Just on the off chance I didn't already know that.

While he was supposed to be taking a nap, Simon slid a piece of paper (with scribbles on it) under his door and into the hallway. He explained that it was a not that said, "I can't come say the day with Batman 'cause I have to take a nap."
Look at me, getting in the way of his superhero endeavors.

Simon has a pretend batarang. He says it's his "personality weapon".

Simon was running around the house making weird faces. He explained, "I was pretending my bum was on fire."

Simon: "Stop calling me Sir! I'm a kid!"

Simon: "What's the rush?"
Me: "There's no rush?"
Simon: "Oh. What's the hurry?"

Rusty sandwiches

Simon: "I cracked acorns with Eli at church." (Eli is a little friend of his)
Me: "How did you do that?"
Simon: "Easily. It's kind of a long story."

On the way back from the playground yesterday, Simon's feet were dragging. Once we got to our front door he said, "Phew! That took longer than I thought!"

Simon (taking a big drink): "Wow! This cup actually works!"

Simon's newest excuse for not eating: "This sandwich is rusty."

While playing in the sand, Simon told me he was "making burrows for the meerkats." Well, he definitely does not lack in imagination.

I always ask Simon if he had any good dreams the night before. Usually he says no, but today his answer was a little different: "I was a bat transformer that looked like a giant batglider and I was in the batcave and Batman was helping me defeat the bad guys!" He said this all in one breath.

Enjoy your day!

"Maniacal laugh"

Simon: "Dad, you need to talk about God."
Jeff: "Of course, buddy! I'll talk about God with you anytime you want. What do you want to talk about?"
Simon: "About God creating things like tigers, and jaguars and zoo animals."

Simon: "I got a sunburn."
Me: "You do not."
Simon: "Yes, I do."
Me: "Where?"
Simon: "Right where the sun is going to hit me."
Me: "Where's that?"
Simon: "On my toe. So can you shut the blinds?"

Simon watched The Muppets last night. Now he's saying "maniacal laugh" every few minutes. I have a feeling this is going to get old pretty quickly.

Simon has been holding out on me; it turns out he can say "Deuteronomy" just fine. I wonder how long he's been pretending to mispronounce it. Silly  boy!

Simon: "Big Bird keeps getting frustrated at me and jumping up my nose!"
I looked over, and Simon was throwing his stuffed Big Bird at his face repeatedly.

Twinkle little stars

Simon was watching America's Funniest Videos. A man was about to crash his bike, which usually happens at least once in every episode. Simon yelled, "That's not safe driving! Watch out how you drive!"

Simon looked up at the sky last night and said, "Look. Twinkle little stars!"

I told Simon that's he has a dentist appointment and he yelled, "Hurray!"
How often does that happen when someone hears the word 'dentist'?

Right after Jeff got out of the shower, Simon told him that he smells stinky (he doesn't of course). Jeff asked where he'd gotten that idea and Simon said, "It's a thought that I'm thinking." Poor Jeff.

Have a great day!

Good Morning! I hope you all enjoyed your Saturday.

Simon: "You're not gown up yet, you're still a mom."
Peter Pan isn't the only one who will never grow up.

Simon was Robin yesterday. He informed me that I was Batman (he switched to Jeff being Batman later and I got demoted to Batwing). He wanted to teach me a "Robin dance" dance because "It might come in handy!"

We watched Hairspray yesterday, so I took the opportunity to explain the word 'equality' to Simon. I told him the God loves us whether our skin is black or white. He examined his arm for a minute, then said, "Actually, my skin is a little pink."

Simon: "I'm the expert all about everything."

Simon invented a new villain: Sludge Man, who makes sludge!
I love how creative he is!

I took him out to blow bubbles yesterday. He stuck a couple of his bubble wands together and blew into one to make a bubble come out the other. I was really surprised that it worked. He looked a little bit like the caterpillar blowing smoke rings in the animated Alice in Wonderland movie. Here are some pictures:

"Do you like my head?"

We were running an errand yesterday. Simon looked out his car window and said, "If you look out my left window you'll see a semi-truck!" He sounded just like a tour guide.

I was trying to make sure Simon stayed hydrated yesterday (too much time running around in the sun, not enough liquid can cause a big problem) so I made a "glowing" drink (a pink glowstick in the bottom of a mug, a clear cup with water or any pale liquid nestled in the mug so that the glowstick shines through the clear glass and makes the drink "glow"). Simon was guzzling it down and I was congratulating myself until he said, "I love my poison!"

Simon: "I'm Super Grappling Hook Mascot Boy!"

Simon came running into the room and said angrily, "My mean strong bones!"
Me: "Why are your bones mean?"
Simon: "'Cause they made me bonk my knee!"

Simon: "Do you like my head?:
Me: (What?) "Sure. It's a nice shape." What do I say to that question?
Simon: "No! I mean do you like the thoughts in my head?"
Me: "Oh! Yes, I do. You're very smart and creative."


Have a great day!

Jumping on the neighbors

Simon saw a bug this morning. Having seen me "take care" of a bug before, he grabbed my shoe and slammed it down on the bug. Then he picked the shoe up, looked, and said, "Oh no! I smushed my buggy friend! Please forgive me!"

Jeff: "I wonder if mixing coffee and ovaltine would taste good?"
Simon: "It's worse a try!"
I think he meant "it's worth a try".

Every morning we wave to Jeff as he leaves for work. Simon always yells something (that Jeff can't hear, since we're waving out the window), usually a thank-you for whatever toy he's playing with at the moment. Yesterday, he shook things up a bit: "I hope you drive safe! Thanks for having Uncle Ryan come over!"

Simon decided to try jump roping in the house. When I told him not to, he said, "I won't jump on the neighbors. Promise!"
Guess who hears the phrase "We've got neighbors" at least one a week?

Simon: "I have a germ on my stomach?"
Me: "Just one germ? On your stomach?"
Simon: "Yes."
Me: "Well, you're getting a bath. That germ will come right off."
Simon: "Thank goodness! I was getting worried."

Simon practices writing his letters

                                                 Simon practices tracing letters for the first time

                                     Simon's first attempt. He's going to need some practice, of course.

                                  This is what happens when Jeff "helps" Simon "write his letters". Uh, Jeff?

Spacey Chicken

Good Morning! Some of these are from yesterday.

Simon: "My show was on and you were psycho."
Me: "I was psycho?" I would have raised my eyebrow if I could do that.
Simon: "It was just a joke."

Simon: "Good morning!"
Me: "Did you have a good nap?"
Simon: "I did. I actually slept! Did you hear me sleeping?"

Jeff was helping Simon practice writing yesterday. He's still in the letter-tracing stage. Jeff asked Simon what he wanted to write and Simon answered, "Let's write 'Optimus Prime'!" He is such a boy.

Simon: "Thanks for making chicken that's fresh and not spacey."
Me: "Do you mean spicy?"
Simon: "Yup".

Me: "How are you doing?"
Simon: "I'm doing yes and no."
Hehehe.

Simon: "I didn't get enough sleep last night, so I might be kind of grumpy."
Thanks for the warning!

Technically...

We've had a family in town for the past six days. It's been a fun, busy week.
We all went to the zoo on Wednesday. Here are some zoo-related Simon-isms:

Me: "Did you have fun at the zoo yesterday?"
Simon: "Yesterday was kind of rough, then good."
Me: "Oh. What was rough about it?"
Simon: "When that bird wouldn't hold still so Dad could take a picture of it."
Me: "What was good?"
Simon: "When it held still."

Me: "What did you see at the zoo?"
Simon: "A diplodocus."

Simon had a bird relieve itself on his hat while we were at the zoo. It didn't mar the day at all, but Simon did tell me today that the bird that pooped on his hat was a hawk.

I took Simon in a bathroom that had an automatic towel dispenser. Simon's reaction to that was, "That's just wrong!"

The rearview mirror in our car has a little display on it that shows which direction we're driving (i.e. "e" for east). Jeff explained that to Simon. As we were driving to the store today, Simon said, "E is for east. S is for south."
Jeff: "Do you know what 'n' is for?"
Simon: "North Carolina!"

Simon: "Technically, I don't actually need a nap."

Those kind of girls

Good morning! These are from Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

We were playing Go Fish with Simon (he was cheating). Jeff was trying to explain the rules and Simon said, "I don't know about this."

We were helping Simon put together a puzzle. He was about to put the last piece in and he said, "I have a bad feeling about this."

Simon asked me a question about penguins. I answered him and he said, "Tell me more." He had a look of intense concentration on his face.

Simon: "Our windchime is dinging! It's making beautiful music!"

The other night I stopped into Panda. I don't think I've been to one of those since Simon was born. It was definitely foreign to him. He waited in the car with Jeff while I ran in and out. Jeff told me about this conversation that the two of them had:
Simon: "Is Mom on of those kinds of girls?"
Jeff: "What kind?"
Simon: "Those kind."
Jeff: 'The kind that likes Panda food?"
Simon: "Yes."
Jeff: "Unfortunately she is."
Simon: "It's okay. Maybe she wanted to try something new."

I was in the bathroom yesterday and suddenly I saw some fingers inch their way under the door. Then I heard Simon yell into the small gap between the door and the floor, "Mom, I'm giving you privacy!"

There's a little wooden bridge on the way to the church parking lot that Simon loves to run across. Usually, he stays on the path, but yesterday he was all over the place. Jeff took Simon aside and said to him: "See the pretty bushes and the grass that's nicely trimmed? That's called landscaping. We want to be respectful of that okay?"
Ha ha ha! I can't even think about that without laughing!

Simon: "Mom, I'm defeating the crack heads!"
Me: "What!?!"
Simon: "Those bad guys that like crackers!"
I still have no idea where that came from, but at least it wasn't what it sounded like.

"I have good earsight!"

Simon tried to run up his wall. Obviously, that didn't work the way he planned. While I was making sure all his parts still worked, he calmly looked up at me and said, "I forgot to think before I act."
No kidding. He's fine, by the way. He fell on his bed and not on the floor.

Simon's new word is 'ecstatic'. Today he said, "I'm so ecstatic over Dr. Seuss' party!"
We're going to have some Seuss related fun tomorrow.

When we were outside yesterday, Simon said, "I can hear the plane because I have good earsight!"

In a recent development, Simon has an imaginary brother who seems to be responsible for everything that could be considered misbehavior.

A ton of love!

Simon to Jeff: "I'm making a new game and it's going to be cool. We will need your help."

Simon: "I'm going to try to make the same sound as a penguin. Here goes nothing!"

Simon: "When I defeat the bad guys I fall over a lot because I'm clumsy. It's ridiclious." He can't quite pronounce "ridiculous" yet.

Simon (all in one breath without any pause): "IloveDadandyouandUncleRyanandGrandmaandMsGracieandEliandmostlyGod. Phew! That's a ton of love!"

Simon ate cereal with milk on it for the first time today. Hurray for trying new things! He loved it, of course.
 He looked at me with milk dripping down his chin and said, "This is delicious! Thanks for not making me eat those nasty mashed potatoes!"
The last time we had him try mashed potatoes was weeks ago. Apparently, that made quite the negative impression.

"I'm a mammal"

Simon: "I'm a superhero named "That Boy"!"

As we were walking Simon to his Sunday school class yesterday,he looked at us and said, "I'm a mammal."

Simon (in his best robot voice): "I. Must. Find. Food. I must find. More. Food."

Simon was dancing around, singing, "Who can it be knocking at my door?" I love it when he makes up songs.

This morning, Simon was hanging off my hand. Jeff gave him a funny look, and Simon said to me, "I think Dad doesn't want me to hold your hand inappropriately." Then he stopped hanging off my hand. He's so funny!

Simon: "I sleep with my eyes closed."

Simon: "I have a brilliant idea! It's called 'we build a race car track."

Simon has learned the word 'mortify'. This is the way he used it this  morning:
"I'm mortified when I poop in my pants. It's kind of awkward."
Me: "I don't like it either when you do that. It's gross."
Simon: "Yeah. That too."

"You're mysterious. Tell me stuff about you."

Happy Saturday!

Simon: "Mom, you rock!"

Simon has a play date with a little friend yesterday. He had a great time! When he got home he said, "I love Eli. He's unique!"

At the park, the two kids were pretending they were sailing a boat. Simon's friend asked which way they should go and Simon answered, "To North Carolina."

Simon: "You're mysterious. Tell me stuff about you."

Simon (last night): "I'm a bit fatigued."

We all watched Newsies last night. Simon is bopping around on the sofa, saying, "Strike. Strike. Strike."
I don't think he has the slightest idea what that word means.

Better than diamonds

Good morning!

I was getting Simon dressed. I told him to pick a shirt. He grabbed a shirt and said, "I shall wear this!"
He shall?

Simon: "It's hot in here. I can feel it in my gut."

Last night, Jeff was making dinner. Simon walked into the kitchen, inhaled deeply, and said, "I smell something I'm not going to eat."

Simon: "I got a surprise for you! It's a ball and it's better than diamonds!"

"I'm fancy people!"

Simon: "How do we get outside?"
Me: "We'll walk down the stairs like usual."
Simon: "We can use parachutes and jump off the balcony!"

Simon was asking if either of us went to school. I told him that Jeff goes to college "like the fancy people" (I know that doesn't make any sense; I was tired) and Simon answered, "I'm fancy people! I can go to college right now."

Simon played with sidewalk chalk for the first time yesterday. I asked where he wanted to color and he yelled, "Your face!"

As Jeff was walking out the door, Simon grabbed him and said, "Come and see my toys!"
Jeff answered, "I can't, buddy. I have to go to work."
Simon tried to drag him into his room and said, "Don't worry. It's a shortcut!"

Simon and I were tossing a ball back and forth. I threw it while he wasn't paying attention and he didn't catch it. He said, "Oh no! I missed completely!"

Simon and I were having a pillow fight. He threw a pillow at me and said, "Take that, buddy who I've never me before!"

Once again, getting Simon to eat has proven difficult:
Simon: "I'm too nervous to eat."
Me: "What are you nervous about?"
Simon: "Eating."

Have a great day!

Your bad is saying "my bad"

I got my hair cut today. Jeff says that they were only twenty feet away from the stylists' (after dropping me off) when Simon said, "I miss Mom." What a sweetheart!

Jeff: "What's your favorite color?"
Simon: "My first favorite is red and my second favorite is green."
Jeff: "What's your third favorite?"
Simon: "White-tan!"

Simon decided that his "word of the day" (we have a different word every day. It improves his vocabulary) is "my bad". I think tomorrow's word will be "phrase".

Have a good night!