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Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Catch-phrase!

I was playing Legos with Simon. I noticed that one of his Legos had an old man face. I told Simon he was old, and Simon said, "He's not old. He's experienced!"

Jeff and I were joking around. This was the result:
Jeff: "Woman!"
Me:  "Fella!"
Simon: "Spidey!"
Ha ha ha!

Simon: "I have a catch-phrase. Do you know what it is?"
Me: "What?"
Simon: "That's it! It's "what"! It should have a theme song that plays every time I say it."

Simon, grinning like a maniac: "Do I look devious or something?"

Simon: "When can I have a stuffed dragon [from How to Train Your Dragon]?"
Me: "You'll have to save up your allowance."
Simon: "Why can't you just buy it?" pauses, "Oh, you want me to not be spoiled and build character. I hate building character."

Simon: "Why are you mocking me?!?"
Me: "I'm not. I'm agreeing with you!"
Simon: "So, THAT'S your story, eh?"

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Ahem!

Simon on sunsets: "I like sunsets because they're romantic. Like when you're on a playdate with someone and you fall in love..."

Simon, holding up a donut: "Would you like a croissant? "
He dragged that last word out forever.

Simon: "It's a Crump family first. A new world record: a memory breakup! It's like when you're dating somebody and you break up, but with memories."

Simon: "You're quite funny."
Me: "I think you're quite funny."
Simon: "Thanks! I'm going to resume making my Lego star fighter now."
Having his first sleepover:
Me: "Simon,go get dressed for bed."
A couple minutes later...
Simon: "Ryland, come and see the scenario!"
Me: "Simon, are you naked? Because Ryland doesn't need to see that scenario."


Simon has started saying, "Ahem" when he is about to read out loud. It cracks me up!

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Lottering Vs. Loitering

Simon: "Mom, there needs to be a sign where you stepped in dog poo that says "No littering and no lottering". What does lottering mean?"
Me: "Do you mean loitering?"
Simon: "Whatever."
Me: "It means hanging out for no good reason."

Simon: "I'm Super Dude. One of my powers is to catch balls. I can only do it one or two times, though."

Simon ran into the hall with his pants around his ankles, yelling, "This is so human-li-lating!"
I'm pretty sure he meant humiliating.

Simon has decided that he has super speed. He has started rubbing his feet along the ground like he's gearing up to charge- even when he's just planning on walking. It's hilarious.

Me: "Simon, do you want to try a strawberry smoothie later?"
Simon: "Maybe we can just share one. You know, one cup with two straws, like if we were in love."
Me: "Are you practicing for something?"
Simon: "No. I just like unique experiences."

This one is from yesterday:
Simon: "I can't be a spaceman when I grow up because you have to be in the Navy. If you're in the Navy, you die. Plus, you have to have a fortune to pay for college."

Simon: "Mom, you inspire me".
Awww!

While I was getting my hair done, Simon ran into the bathroom. He came bounding back into the room, and yelled, "Confidence is sexy!"
We all started cracking up. That's when he explained that he read that on the bathroom mirror. Silly boy!

Simon: "My fingerprints look like little Death Stars. Probably because I love Star Wars."

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Confidence Is Sexy

Simon: "When I see the carousel, I get dizzy. But when I'm on it, I'm not dizzy. That's Newton's Law of Physics."

Simon went to the bathroom at my hair stylists' place. He ran back into the room and announced, "Confidence is sexy!"
He then explained that that's what it says on the bathroom mirror.

Simon: "Which ninja turtle likes technical stuff?"
Me: "Donatello."
Simon: "You answered that question! Can you answer other questions?"
Me: "Maybe."
Simon: "That's the spirit!"

Simon: "Today looks like a good drowsy day."
I've started teaching Simon about epilepsy. He pronounces it "apple-epsy". Already I've had to clear up some misconceptions: Simon thought epilepsy was the fear of light, since I can't do things like laser tag. He also wanted to know if it's contagious. I've decided not to tell him that it can be genetic.Simon, after getting undressed (in the hall) for his bath: "I'm buck naked, you know. What does "buck naked" mean?"

Legoland Fun! Simon turns six!




Thursday, April 10, 2014

Almost Six

Last night Simon said, "Call me Little Boss!"
Me: "But I'm the boss!"
Simon: "Look at you, sulking over there."
Ha ha ha!

I like to tease Jeff and tell him that I'm taller than he is (I'm not). This morning Simon joined in by stating, "Dad's taller. Sorry, Mom, but the truth hurts sometimes."

Me: "How are you almost six!?!"
Simon: "I guess that's just how God made me."

Simon: "Is it time to dine?"

Simon: "What's Luke Skywalker's last name?"
Me: "Skywalker."
Simon: "What?!? Then what's his first name?"
Me: "Luke."
Simon: "Why is he named Luke? Oh, I know! It's because he was supposed to be named Duke but his dad thought it was too many 'd' names, 'cause his dad is Darth Vader. Kind of like how you guys didn't name me that'" 'j' name because it would be too many j's."
Ha ha ha! We did consider naming him Josiah.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Hazmat Suits

Simon: "When I grow up, I'm going to be a private investigator or a ninja."
Jeff, jokingly: "Maybe you can do both."
Simon: "Yeah! I'll be Private Ninja!"

Simon has started "taking pulses". He grabbed my arm, looked at my vein, and said, "It's really long. You have a high pulse!"

There is a sweet little girl who likes to give hugs. I asked Simon why he wouldn't hug her today and he said he was afraid of germs. Once I explained that she's not germy, Simon said, "Well, next time I'm still going to wear a hazmat suit. You never know what booby traps she has planned!"

We just got back from spending the morning with friends. I asked Simon what he and his buddy did and Simon answered, "Well, we played Legos. Then we talked for a bit. Then we did other various fun things. You know, just life."

We were playing a game (the Pelopinnesian War Game) and  Simon said, "I roll high numbers and you keep rolling low numbers! That's probably just the way the cookie crumbles."