Snowball Fight

Good morning! Here are some new Simon-isms:

Simon: "I can't believe there's a Boba Fett in Star Wars!"

Simon was playing with his new toy cars. He grabbed my hand and said, 'I'm going to show you how we boys do it."

Simon kept turning the lights on and off. I told him to stop turning them off and he answered, "I turned the light off because I'm evil!"

Simon ran full-tilt into the wall. I asked him if he was okay (I have to be honest: I was not at all worried since he runs into the walls on a pretty regular basis) and he said, "I'm dramatic."

Simon has learned the word "confident." I tried to get him to use it in a sentence in front of Jeff. Here is the result:
Me: "When you are sure that you can do something, you are -what- in yourself?"
Simon: "Dastardly!"
Um, no.

I'm pretty tired this morning (I slept walked last night and ended up on the floor in the living room, which does not add up to a good nights' sleep) so I told Simon that I'm "falling apart at the seams".
Simon said, "But I don't hear a cracking sound."

Simon threw a wet washcloth at me and yelled, "SNOWBALL FIGHT!"
We really need to visit a cold state.
Hahahaha!

Have a great day!

"Let me tell you about my life"

Halloo! I hope you all had a great Christmas! We were ridiculously spoiled and had a fantastic time. Some of these posts are from a few days ago, since I haven't posted in the last couple of days.

Simon started carrying around a stuffed animal and explained to me that "it's my sidekick".

Simon's latest attempt to get me to "camp out" with him at his nap time, which I don't do since he REALLY doesn't sleep then: "No one's lying there" (on his pillow) "so you need to 'cause somebody's got to do it!"

Simon doused his face with water, scraped a spoon across it, then tried to dry off on the wall. When I asked him what he was doing, he said, "I'm trying to shave like a human being like Dad."

The juice cup Simon was drinking out of mysteriously disappeared. Jeff and I were looking everywhere for it. We asked him to help us find it and he went, got out his toy phone, and said, "Hello? Police? I need you to come find my juice. It's an emergency."

While we were driving, Simon suddenly yelled, "There are birds flying-pull over!"

Simon: "There are a million birds. Let's count them." He counted to ten.

When Simon saw all his presents for Christmas, his jaw dropped (he made a "CHUNG" sound because he likes sound effects) and he said excitedly, "Presents! That's amazing!'

Simon: "Mom, was I spoiled on Christmas?"
Me: "Yes! We all were."
Simon: "Oh." He thinks about it for a minute, "I like being spoiled."

Simon, to my grandparents, mom, and sister on Christmas Eve: "Let me tell you about my life."

"Fore! Five, six, seven, eight..."

Christmas anticipation is high at our house. Simon got up five times between the hours of midnight and six ("I had a bad dream"-grinning while he said this, "I need to go to the bathroom", "Tuck me in", "Blow my nose, please", and "The birds are making noise") which I'm pretty sure has something to do with the massive amount of excitement and energy. It's funny, but I'm tired.

Simon, talking about a card he drew for Jeff: "That's the card I designed about a month ago."
He talks like such a little adult!

The other day I used Simon's toy golf club lightly smack Jeff (he deserved it). I said, "fore!". Simon took the club from me, swung at Jeff, and said, "Fore! Five, six, seven, eight..." Jeff got smacked all the way up to fifteen. Hahaha! That'll teach him! Except, I can't remember what lesson he needed to learn.

Simon, talking about brontosauruses vs. T-Rex: "They scared away the bad dinosaurs with their giant speakers that say "ROAR"!

Simon learns the word "aversion"

Good morning! Here are a couple of Simonisms:

Simon: "This toy is for kids my age, right?"
Me: "Yes it is."
Simon: "I'm my age!"

Simon (on the way home from a friend's house last night):"I don't like coffee. It tastes kind of not good to me."
Of course, he has never had coffee. Can you imagine him with a caffeine jolt? The very idea makes me shudder.

Simon learned what the word "aversion" means. His use of it? "I have an aversion to sleeping for my nap."
Boy, do I know it.

Enjoy your day! I hope Simon can overcome his aversion to naps and catch some sleep today to make up for all these late nights.

Eat Augustine

Simon and I went with a friend to the Christmas boat parade last night. There was only one boat decorated, which was kind of a letdown, but we still had fun. I almost walked into a ditch heading over because it turns out my night vision is not the best. We learned that bananas taste better when they're at someone else's house (Simon ate one at my friend's house, but he won't eat them at home) and that motorized Charlie Browns are scary.

While at the parade, the police were driving up and down the bridge, warning people to get out of the road. We were trying to decide if we wanted to leave or if we should stay a little longer. I asked Simon what he wanted to do and he said, "I want to get out of the road so those policemen will stop yapping."

We're going to St. Augustine later to see the lights. Simon told Jeff : "I want to go to Eat Augustine with Mom, Grandma, Aunt Shannon, and all those other guys." I guess Jeff is just an "other guy". Haha!

Simon kept calling Jeff a "turkey bare bottom". I have no idea what that means, but I'm stealing it.

Have a great Sunday!

What's a 'cup of cheer'?

Good morning! It's been a busy couple of weeks, with some fun things coming up. Simon can't wait to go to the Christmas Boat Parade. Apparently, all the boats are decorated with Christmas lights. We're both very excited and happy to be going with a good friend. Here's what Simon has been up to lately:

I told Simon that he gets to go to the "big people church" with us on Christmas Eve. He got very excited and said, "Is it a Disney castle!?!"

Simon has decided that Jeff and I are part of his army, one that he has created to defeat whatever his imagination dreams up. Today he said, "Mom, you have to say 'yes, sir' when I say 'get those pesky turtles!'. Okay?"

Jeff read Simon the story of Esther in his kid Bible. I asked Simon what he had learned about (I do that every day) and he said, "The bad guy and the girl that was wearing a blue thing and was a good guy."
Hahaha! At least he knows his colors.

Simon was playing with some craft sticks (basically, they're colored popsicle sticks). He said, "I made a cross, see?"
Me: "You did."
Simon: "Like Jesus died on."
Me: "What happened three days later?"
Simon: "He came back from dying."
Me: "Do you know why?"
Simon: "Because he loves me!"
I'm so proud.

Simon (singing): "Have a holly, jolly Christmas. It's the best time of the year. I don't know where is the snow but have a cup of- Mom, what's a cup of cheer?"

Simon: "I don't like your nose."
Me: "Simon, that's mean. You hurt my feelings."
Simon: "It's not because of your fault. God made it."

Simon: "I'm Flash Robin so I have to wear Dad's helmet and ride a dirt bike and defeat all the bad guys and eat my candy kissed right now."
Me: "It's too early for candy."
Simon: "But Flash Robin has to have some for energy!"

Simon: "The turtles defeated me! It cannot be!" He whispered to me, "I'm the bad guy so I always get in trouble."

Simon: "My emotion is kind of  excited today."

Enjoy your weekend!

Routine Shenanigans

Add caption

I have no idea how he managed to stick his toy turtle there!

                                           

 You know, I probably shouldn't encourage him. But it's so funny!

                          

Simon signs "I love you"

                                         

Smart Cookie Potpie!

Simon called Jeff a "smart cookie potpie!"
I'm stealing that one.

Simon: "I'm a robot and I live on the planet Ozone."

Jeff worse a tie this morning. It caused a few interesting comments from Simon:
"Dad's all dressed up like a bad guy."

"Is that a belt for your neck?"

Have a great "Windsday"!

Fatman vs. Batman

Me: "Simon, don't touch the Christmas tree."
Simon: "I was just cleaning its' bogeys!"

Simon kept standing in front of our red sofa, while wearing a red shirt , and saying, "I'm blending in. It's called camouflage. You can't see me."

Simon: "Dad needs to come home (from work) so I can tell him I miss him when he works."
Awww!

Simon: "I need to eat all my candy kisses from my candy cane so I can be Fat Man, not Batman!"

Simon has a secret

Hi there! Simon has been helping me bake cookies today. The house is slowly filling up with all kinds of sweet stuff that no kid should ever eat. It's been fun.

Simon, telling me what game we were playing: "I'm Robin and you're a snowman 'cause you're big, and rolly, and cold."
Thanks, buddy.

I complimented Simon on his creativity with his Legos (Thanks, Ryan!) and he said, "Yep. I'm a natural!"

Simon (whispering in my ear): "I've got a secret and it's called I don't have to take a nap."

I asked Simon what he did with his grandma last night. He said, "I showed Grandma the Kronk part in Emperor New Groove and she thought I was cute, and funny, and kind of freaky-outy."

I asked Simon if he wanted to put the baking chocolate into a bowl for me and he (very solemnly) said, "Mom. This stuff looks like poop."  That being the case, who's hungry?

Enjoy your weekend!

Duck Soup

Hullo!

While Simon was playing in the bathtub, he filled a cup full of water and dropped his rubber duck in it. He looked at me, and proudly said, "Look! Duck Soup!"

Me: "High five!"
Simon: "But I didn't do anything!"

Simon has decided that he's a "rickshaw robot". If you've read Animalia recently, this will almost make sense. Almost.

Simon: "I'm pretending to be Jonah, but the guy not the vegetable." (There's a veggietales version of Jonah) "I don't want you to eat me!"

Simon: "Did Superman eat at Thanksgiving holidays?"
Me: "I don't know. What do you think?"
Simon: "No, 'cause he was excited."

I've got a Christmas party to look forward to. Christmas party? Yay! Caroling? Ummm...
Enjoy your Friday!

The mom in Charlie Brow says "blah, blah, blah", just like you

I had a lot of fun with Jeff and Simon today.

Jeff used the word 'hyperbole' in a conversation with me. Simon immediately piped in, "Hyperbole is a robot!"

Simon: "Is Grandma going to cook a cat?"

Simon: "Dad, you have to clean my room just like mom said."
Interesting. I told Simon to clean his room.

On the way to the library, Simon kept on saying, "The joke's on you, Batman!"

Simon: "Are these gears on my toy?"
Me: "No, they're saw blades."
Simon: "What are they?"
Me; "Saw blades."
Simon: "What?"
Me: "SAW BLADES!"
Simon (to Jeff): "Dad, are these gears?"
Jeff: "No, they're saw blades."
Simon: "Oh, I knew that."
Jeesh!

Simon came prancing out of the bathroom with nothing on his bottom half. He proudly said, "This is awkward."
I answered, "No, this is immodest." I foresee many more such conversations in the future.

Simon's been playing with his toy Robin: "Robin and I were arguing . He was saying "I'm Robin" and I was saying "I'm Robin" but there's only one.
Me: "Are you Robin?"
Simon (with a sigh): "No. He is."
Hahaha!

Simon: "He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's naughty and nice. Megatron is coming to town!"

Simon to me: "Hey, the mom on Charlie Brow says 'blah, blah, blah' just like you."

My great uncle passed away today. My thoughts and prayers are with his wife and kids.

Simon learns the word "dastardly"

I took Simon outside to ride his bike yesterday. He decided to be a bad guy. He explained that, "I'm a dastardly bad guy, but it's only temporary."

On the way back from riding his bike, Simon said, "Thanks. I enjoyed that."


Simon wore his goggles from his construction costume all day yesterday.
Simon: "Can I tell ya about my goggles?"
Me: "Sure."
Simon: "Let's get inside and I'll explain."
He talks like such a little adult!

Simon wanted me to play pretend with him. "Let's find a satellite with our super cool special eyeballs!"

Simon: "Are you dancing ballet?"
Me: "Not anymore. I used to, a long time ago."
Simon: "And now you're just tall."
Hahaha!

Simon: "If you get a shock, that's a stain."
Me: "No, a stain would be if you got dirt on your shirt and it didn't come off when we washed it."
Simon: "You're right! It does happen from time to time."
Thanks for the vote of confidence, buddy.

"The First Noel" came on the radio. As soon as he heard the first cord, Simon said, "I don't like this one, it's boring."
Me: "Simon, the singing hasn't even started yet!"
The singers got the word "the" out and Simon immediately said, "I heard it and this is boring!"
Hahaha!

Enjoy your day!

Slow and Steady

Simon is watching Super Why. For those of you who aren't familiar with that show, that's a question that is asked at the beginning that is answered when the character collect all the "super letters" . Simon told me: "Super Why needs to share because he can't use all those letters!"

In regards to the story "The Tortoise and the Hare", Simon said: "Slow and steady is BORING!"

Simon: "Can your hair be purple again?"

Simon (while wearing his knight armor): "Sir Simon the Brave and Chivalrous doesn't go pee in the potty."

Simon signed "I love you". When I signed it back, he said, "Mom, you're unbelievable!" Is that a compliment or an insult?

I'm so grateful for my sweet, silly boy! He can always make me smile!

Simon does a Madlib

Simon did a madlib with me. Here are the results:

Andrew and I have a winter tradition. Every year we put on all the sweaters we can find, pack sandwiches and a thermos of juice , and go hiking in the mountains. All that changed when my family moved to California, where it's always 5 degrees! But we had to follow our tradition. So this year we put on our coats, packed soda soup, and rented a Simon- mobile. We ate up a tall robot until we could see all the way to the Crump house. We played our body swings onto our mouths and, with a honk!, pushed ourselves down. We were moving faster than a lion, and frogs were eating our faces. "Hey!" we yelled. It was a total blast until we realized our ride was right where we left it-way up at the top.

Simon: "My bones are made out of skeletons!"

Syrup Man

Here are a few of the things Simon has said and done in the last couple of days:

Simon: "Dear God, thank you for everything. Amen."

Simon: I'm a knight, and I drink milk, and swallow it, and it goes down into my breastplate."
Ew! I really hope not.

Simon (after eating breakfast for dinner last night): "Dad is Waffle Man, and I'm the sidekick named Syrup Man, and you're the bad guy."

Simon: "I have a funny joke."
Me: "What is it?"
Simon: "Uh...I don't know."

Enjoy your day!

Prayer and play time

Simon has been particularly chatty lately. Here are some of the highlights:

Simon was bouncing around in the bathroom. He suddenly shouted, "I'm getting so wound up!"

Simon (referring to Shredder and his henchmen in the Ninja Turtles show): "Those bad guys are violent!"

Simon had a blast watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas with us last night. He told us all about his favorite parts, whether they actually happened or not.
"I love it when Max goes to the Grinch and says, "Hey, are you happy yet?""

Simon came up to me and said, very seriously, "I want  my two front teeth so I can say "Merry Christmas" more better."

The setup:
Simon: "I'm almost four like Optimus Prime!"
Jeff: "So Optimus Prime is almost four?"
The payoff:
Simon: "No! He's not even real!"

Simon: "Don't mess with my drinks, man."

Simon, talking about Spiderman: "When Spiderman goes bonking his head on the cities, he goes cr-azy!"

Simon (at the table this morning): "Guess what? My breakfast is nutritious! But it's okay because it's tasty."

Simon: "I smell something that smells good and it's the light."

I was fighting the usual morning battle, trying to get Simon to eat. His answer: "If I eat anymore, I'll get ever-so-sick."
Who talks like that? I have no idea where he got that one.

Simon told me he needed to pray. He stopped, folded his hands, and said, "God, can I play with my toys? Amen."
Hahaha!

"Gobble, gobble! Got that?"

Yesterday I helped Simon make a fort. He told me it needed a sign. I said, "Oh, like 'keep out'?" and he answered, "Make it say 'keep in'". Hahaha!

Simon: "Gobble, gobble! Got that?"

Simon: "What's California?"
Jeff: "It's a state."
Simon: "Ohhhhh." (nods knowingly) "What's a state?"

Me: "What do you want for breakfast, Simon?"
Simon: "Tofu."
What?

Simon: "That's the problem when I try to fit in under the table and I swerve through the door. I get stuck!"

Simon: "When I grow up, I want to be a knight with a horse in red armor."
Me: "Red, huh?"
Simon: "So I can spill on it."
Hahaha!

Simon: "My friends at church are always sleeping at bedtime. It's boring!"

Thanksgiving

                                               Simon sneaked into the picture

                                                Simon with his great grandparents and his grandma

                                                     

                                                      Jeff and I - photo op! (haha!)

                                                         Simon with Anna

                                                             Aunt Shannon

We had a great Thanksgiving yesterday. We went over to my mom's house and ate with her, my grandparents, my sister and her friend Anna (who I've known for years). We're not used to a "big Thanksgiving"; that turkey was enormous!
Simon was very well behaved. Okay, so he did ask for Christmas presents after he hugged everyone goodbye (that was embarrassing!), and he did try to take one of my mom's magazines into the bathroom with him ("I'm going to try to poop so I need it!"), and he ate a pb&j sandwich instead of turkey. But, aside from that, he was great. Hahaha! He fell in love with the computer chair (apparently, it's a "superhero chair") and dragged that all over the place. Kids find the funniest things interesting.

Here are some pictures!

From this morning:

Simon: "Dinosaurs would say hi by roaring, then they would think I'm a cute boy and they would EAT me!"

Simon: "Can I stub my winkie like my toe? 'Cause I totally did! It was awkward."

Simon (about Thanksgiving): "I liked eating the turkey" (he never even tried it!) "and the Power Rangers!" There were power rangers in the parade. Silly boy.

"It was a guy thing"

Jeff and Simon were pushing a toy construction vehicle back and forth. Simon asked what it was and Jeff didn't know, so he just said, "It's a utility vehicle."
Simon answered, "You're right! What's a utility?"

Simon said that racing his toy cars is a "Crump Competition." It makes sense to me.

Simon: "Optimus Prime was in my dream."
Me: "What was he doing?"
Simon: "Uh...hanging out."

I let Simon call Jeff at work. After they hung up, I asked what he said. Simon answered, "I said words. Dad said words. It was a guy thing." Hahaha!

Simon: "The garbage truck outside needs to stop because I said something important!"

Simon ran into the kitchen, pointed at me and laughed, then explained that "I made fun of you!"

Simon: "For Thanksgiving, we eat turkey, eat candy, and all that crazy nonsense."
Me: "I don't think we'll be eating any candy."
Simon: "Oh. Why not?"

Simon: "When is Thanksgiving?"
Me: "It's tomorrow."
Simon: "Today is tomorrow!"

Simon very politely thanked his breakfast for "giving all my food some company in my tummy?." Silly boy.

Simon: "I'm a good guy hero and I fight evil with honor!"

Enjoy your day and have a great Thanksgiving tomorrow!

Simon teaches Jeff a lesson

Simon is in fine form today. Here are a few of the things that have made me laugh:

Simon (to Jeff): "I'm your father and I'm teaching you a lesson!"
Jeff: "What's the lesson?"
Simon: "I'm teaching you a lesson!"
Jeff: "Well, what is it?"
Simon: "Uh...how to punch. BAM!"

After running around for a while, Simon wiped his forehead and said, "Hooh! I'm fast!"

This morning at breakfast, Simon was having a difficult time with his waffles and syrup. He looked at Jeff and said, "Is this kinda like a sick joke?" Jeff asked what he was referring to and Simon gestured vaguely all around the room. Hahaha!

Simon: "I'm the only superhero on the world! It's making me tired!"

Simon: "I'm a special knight."
Me: "What kind of special knight?"
Simon: "The shiny kind."

"It wasn't impressing"

Simon: "Guess how long I am. I'm seven feet tall!"

Simon: "Mom, I always win the competition. You lose because you cheat."
I don't cheat, he just never tells me what game he's playing!

Simon: "Dad, do you know your colors yet?"

Simon: "We went to the book sale, but I was sad because it wasn't impressing." Hahaha!

We went to a book sale at the library with my mom today. The entire time, Simon referred Swindle which is apparently a transformer. He has a great imagination.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

"Holy walkamole!"

Good morning!

Simon: "I'm married to you."
Me: "No you're not. You're my son."
Simon: "But who are you married to?"
Me: "Dad."
Simon: "No you're not because he's a grown-up."
I guess I'm not mature enough to be considered a "grown-up". Teehee!

Simon: "Apple + pie = apple pie. I just did math!"

Simon: "What do you do for Thanksgiving?"
Me: "You get to spend time with the people you love, remember all the great things that you have to be thankful for, and eat yummy food."
Simon: "Yummy food is...garlic!"

Jeff is reading a book about the Civil War. Simon saw the solider on the cover and asked, "Is that Dudley Do-Right?" Hahaha!

Simon: "I'm excited for being excited for Thanksgiving!"

Simon: "Holy walkamole!" (I'm pretty sure he was trying to say guacamole).

Have a wonderful day!

Cinnamon and camouflage

I turned the a/c on (yes, it was actually that hot in our house) and Simon said, "Yay! Some nice fresh air."

Simon pronounced "cinnamon" correctly and I said, "I'm impressed, Simon. I had a hard time saying that word for a while when I was younger."
Simon answered, "You learned a new word called "cinnamon". I'm so proud of you!"

Simon gave me a big hug and said, "You ate all your breakfast. I'm so impressed at you!" It seems he's forgotten who the parent is. Haha!

Simon: "I learned a new word: Camouflage. It means to blend in, like this-" (he drops to the floor and rolls into a ball)- "see?" Just like a gecko."

Simon: "Is today Thanksgiving?"
Me: "No. We have another week to wait."
Simon: "But I want Thanksgiving popcorn!"
What?

Enjoy your day!

Simon helped me get an early start on some holiday baking. Here are some pictures:

"Pretend there's a bug on your face and I'll smack it off"

Good morning. Here are some more Simonisms:

Last night, Jeff and I were talking about how fast Simon has grown up. Jeff said, "You're so big!" and Simon answered, "I'm big so I can get out of the car myself and drive it."

Simon asked why I sounded funny and I explained that I have a cold. He said, "Your nose is blowsy! You might want to fix that." Haha!

Simon always waves when Jeff leaves for work. Then he said, "I missed Dad's wave because I burped."

Simon: "Where does milk come from?"
Me: "It comes from cows."
Simon: "No, it comes from the store!"
Me: "It comes from a cow but the store sells it."
Simon: "What's her name?"
Me: "Who?"
Simon: "The cow, silly!"
I really need to be more awake in order to follow Simon's train of thought.

Simon: "I don't feel good. I ate too much." He'd eaten about four bites of his breakfast.

Simon to me: "Pretend there's a bug on your face and I'll smack it off." Uh...no.

This one is from the other day, but I just remembered it for some reason:

"Everybody Hurt" by R.E.M. was playing. Simon was singing along, only his lyrics went: "Everybody burps sometimes..." It cracked me up!

Have a great day!

Simon learns that Tuesdays are a weekly occurence

Simon: "What's today?"
Me: "It's Tuesday."
Simon: "But I thought we already had a Tuesday!"
Jeff (I was laughing too hard to answer): "There's a Tuesday every week, buddy."
Simon: "Oh.."

Simon wanted to play at the park. We told him that we'd have to wait and see if the weather was good enough and Simon said, "The weather is nice now!"

Simon: "Is Thanksgiving soon?"
Jeff: "Yes."
Simon: "Is it tomorrow?"
Jeff: "No, it's not tomorrow, but soon."
Simon: "Is it today?"

Enjoy your evening!

Superman feet pajamas and the fun they cause

There was a kid's clothing swap at church yesterday (yay!). I found Simon the cutest Superman feet pj's. He loves them! I'm going to let him wear them as long as he can today, but once it reaches ten a.m. it'll be too hot. I'm not loving the idea of making Simon change; he's having so much fun.

Simon explains why he wouldn't hug his grandma yesterday: "I wouldn't hug Grandma because she has a shiny shirt and it was scary." The little goober.

Simon went into the bathroom in his new feet pj's last night, looked at the toilet, then at the zipper on his pj's, and said, "This is going to be trick-y!"

I thanked Simon for cleaning up his toys and he said, "Ah, it was nothing." He talks like a little old man sometimes.

Simon: "I'm pretending to be Superman who is Clark Kent sometimes but not right now. I'm awesome!"

I told Simon that he could wear his pj's until it got too hot and then he'd have to change. Simon answered, "But I would get sad! That's depressing."

Simon experiences brain freeze...in his stomach

Last night Simon took a gulp of milk, grabbed his stomach, and said, "Ow! I have brain freeze!

Simon: "I want to go to sleep."
Me (completely surprised): "Really?"
Simon: "No. I was just being sarcastic and joking."

I told Simon to take a bite of his food and he said, "Ladies first."

Simon: "I didn't sleep well and that's why I'm sneezing."

Simon: "I want to watch my movie with Iron Man, and Wolverine, and the Hulk, and Batman, and all those other crazy guys."
Me: "Simon, you don't have a superhero movie."
Simon: "Yes I do. I'll show you." He brought over his Cars dvd.
Me: "That's not a superhero movie!"
Simon: "I know, Mom! I was pretending."

Simon: "What's today?"
Me: "Today is Friday."
Simon: "Happy Wednesday!"

Happy Wednesday, everybody!

"I have allergies so I can't take a bath"

Some of today's Simon-isms:

Simon, while playing with a toy plane and pilot: "My pilot says his plane is his invention, but it's my invention!"

Simon: "I have allergies so I can't take a bath."

Simon: "Are you Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds?"
Me: "No. I'm Mommy on the ground with Simon."
Simon: "That's even better."
Awww!

Simon fell and bumped his side on the table. He burst into tears and said, "I hurt my waist and I'm having a bad day!" And the Oscar for best actor in a drama goes to...

"I want Mom to be henchman # 3!"

Good morning! Some of these are from last night. A brief explanation: Simon has decided that motorcycles are the coolest things ever.

Simon to Jeff: "I want Mom to be henchman number 3!"

Jeff was singing a song and Simon really wanted him to stop. He looked at Jeff and said, "Stop singing. Your song is inappropriate for me." It wasn't.

Simon: "Bbbbbwwwuuuurrrrrpppp! Write that down." Hahaha!

Simon: "When I'm riding my motorcycle, if I fall off and my motorcycle keeps going, that would be awkward."

Simon came running into our room first thing this morning and said, "I'm a bad guy motorcycle guy!"
Me: "Good morning, Simon."
Simon: "Oh. Yeah. Right. Good morning!"
He forgot to say good morning; he just started right in!"

Worst Case Scenarios

Today has been interesting. This morning was about the usual, but Simon threw the mother of all fits on the way back from church today. He finally calmed down and managed to take a nap, but it left me pretty tired.

Simon, explaining why he threw a fit: "I have a fever in my tummy and it's allergies and it's making me cry. I need soup and candy bars." He did have a slight fever (that could have been because he got so worked up), and he was quieter than usual this morning. Tonight he's been running around like usual, so I'm not worried.

Simon: "I'm one of those motorcycle guys who are bad guys who ride motorcycles. We are on the job!"

During his bath, Simon wiggled so much that he got a face full of water. Jeff told him that he just experienced a worst case scenario and Simon answered, "You are the one that destroyed me!"

Here's hoping that there are no more epic fits on the way!

Flashers

Simon: "I'm the Flasher! I go really fast!"
Jeff: "You mean you're the Flash."
Simon: "No, I'm the Flasher!"

This morning, Simon said to me: "You look like a human being. Weird."

I told Simon to eat his breakfast (he has a problem with eating) and he said, "I can't eat. I'm distracted."

Simon: "How do you spell 'super green lantern guy with a power ring that's green and he saves the day'?"
Why can't he ask how to spell 'cat'? It's a lot less complicated.

Enjoy your weekend!
Simon has been listening to toddler music all morning. I've now heard a hip-hop version of "the Itsy Bitsy Spider." I tell you , it's unnatural. If you find me sitting in a corner, rocking back and forth, moaning and tearing my hair out, you know why.

A new noggin

Good morning! Some of these are from last night.

Simon was playing superheroes-I was supposed to be the "bad guy". After I let him knock his toy sword out of my hand he said, "Now I defeated the rest of the bad guys you hang out with." Than he handed me the sword and started over again. We played superhero for a good chunk of the day yesterday.

Simon: "Where's the Batman vehicle in this joint?"

Jeff put his baseball hat on Simon. Simon took it off, handed it back to Jeff, and said, "I don't need to wear your hat because I'm not you."

This morning Simon was looking at one of his books. He pointed to a picture and said, "I'm confused about this, whatever it is."

Last night Simon hit his head pretty hard. He's got a big bump. This morning he said, "I need a new noggin, because this one's broken."

Simon: I'm giving you a hug because it makes you happy and then I defeat you 'cause you're distracted!"

For some reason, Simon is always "defeating" me. Hmmm...that bears some thinking. Have a wonderful day and enjoy your weekend!

"If I lived in the Bible, I'd have to wear a dress"

Good morning. Most of these are from yesterday.

Simon said, out of the blue, "Mom, it's just a disco."
I don't know what he was talking about, but it made me laugh.

I took Simon to the bathroom  yesterday and he said, "Sorry, it's just not happening."

Me: "Simon, we need to change your clothes."
Simon (in a very whiny voice):"Why? I don't want to."
Me: "Because they're dirty."
Simon: "Oh. Why didn't you say so?"

Simon: "I have a very important question for you. In Diary of a Wimpy Kid, why does that kid go in the basement?"
Hahaha!

Simon: "If I lived in the Bible, I'd have to wear a dress."
Hahaha!

Simon: "I'm a him."

Halloween quotes

We had a great time taking Simon trunk-or-treating last night. He dressed up as a knight. It was the first time Simon has done anything for Halloween. He seems bummed that it's over, but it was a blast.

Simon: "I can't see a thing with my helmet down!" The helmet is a little big and the visor goes all the way down to his chin because of it.

He ended up stalking a little boy dressed as Batman. After the little kid left, Simon said, "Batman was too fast for me!"

This morning, Simon came running into the bedroom with his bag of Halloween candy. He said, "I can eat candy for breakfast because it's good."
Jeff: "It's way too early to eat candy, buddy."
Simon: "Then you can eat it for breakfast because it's good."

Simon (talking about the boy dressed as Batman):"There were tons of Batman last night, but I found the best one!"

We're off to the doctor because Simon has been holding his ears and complaining that everything is too loud. I hope it's nothing, but better safe than sorry. I hope you all had a great time yesterday. I know we did!

"Stop those maniacs!"

Simon: "I'm gonna get something at the store."
Jeff: "We'll see."
Simon: "We'll see. I'm saying the same thing because we're communicating."

Simon (pointing his water pistol at me): "You're too cool so you're under arrest!"

Simon was having a lightsaber fight with the air. All of the sudden he shouted, "Stop those maniacs!"
Funny boy.

Simon: "I'm Dark Vader" (he has a hard time saying 'darth' sometimes) "so I have lots of bad guy soldiers. Sneeze them!" He was trying to say 'seize them'.



We're excited to take Simon trunk-or-treating this year. It's at a church, so there won't be any costumes that will scare Simon. It's been rainy, so I really hope the weather clears up.
Happy Halloween!

A Robot Named 9-1-1

Simon: "Am I a human being?"
Me: "Yes, you are."
Simon: "But I thought I was a person."
Me: "Well, a human being is the same thing as a person."
Simon: "What does being a human being have to do with a person?"
Me: "You're a person, but you're also a  human being because both words mean the same thing."
Simon: "Please call me a boy next time."

Simon: "I am a robot named 9-1-1. I'm only for emergencies."

Simon was still hadn't gotten even halfway through his breakfast after forty five minutes of sitting at the table. I told him he needed to pick up the pace a little and he said, "I win the 'slowest eater' prize!"

Simon: "Does Grandma love Robin?"
Me: "She loves you more."
Simon: "She has to love Robin so she can play with me because I'm Robin!"

Simon: "If you write 'garbage' and 'truck', you make a garbage truck!"

Enjoy your weekend!

"Batman's nocturnal"

Simon: "Batman's nocturnal."

I took Simon to the park in our apartment complex yesterday. He saw a maintenance man opening the door to a storage closet and office and said, "The maintenance doctor lives in there."
Me: "No, buddy, that's just his office."
Simon: "He fixes stuff. He's a doctor. Doctors live in offices."

Simon picked up an orange crayon and compared it to the pumpkins, "These are the same! See the difference?" Haha!

Simon was playing spaceman with me. He held up two of his little astronaut toys and asked me what they were doing. I said that they were going to the moon and he answered, "No, they're going to the movie theater."

Simon: "I love you, Mommy, your highness!"

Simon: "The Ninja Turtles always defeat me and it's giving me a headache!"

Simon: "I'm giving you a hug because I don't want to be in big trouble."
...And the manipulation attempts start.

Pumpkin Soldiers

Good morning. Some of these are from yesterday.

Simon was tossing a sofa pillow above his head. He said the pillow was "technology". He dropped it and said, "Oh no! The technology fell on my head!"

Simon: " It's dark and I'm sleepy."
Me: "It's early. You can go back to bed, cutie."
Simon: "No, 'cause my light is green." (The traffic light on his alarm clock turns green when he can get up)

Simon: "Can we paint pumpkins?"
Me: "We already did, remember?"
Simon: "But I need a green one."
Me: "You painted yours green."
Simon: "But I need pumpkin soldiers! So I need more."

Simon: "One day, when I'm big and stronger, I'll tell you what to do and be the boss."
I'm guessing he'll start attempting this pretty soon.

Simon: "Your book doesn't have pictures. It's booorinnng!"Me: "I use my imagination when I read."
Simon: "Oh. Does it hurt?"

Simon: "I'm a cyber-robot. I don't know how to play nice."

Have a good day!

An Aunt Jemima Commercial

Today has started out in a very stressful way. Poor Jeff is facing so much bad treatment and passive-aggressive behavior at work. I feel horrible for him, and helpless to do anything. I really hope that he'll find a great new job a.s.a.p!

Anyway, here are some more "Simonisms":

Simon: "Am I fast?"
Me: "You are so fast!"
Simon: "I'm a fast kid, I know."

Simon: "Mmmm, golden waffles with delicious syrup."
He needs to be in an Aunt Jemima commercial.

Simon: "I got a brilliant idea! I'm going to be a robot."

Simon: "If I put syrup in water, it'll turn into water."
Me: "Please don't try it".
Simon: "But being naughty is so fun!"
Oh boy.

We have two pictures of chefs cooking. In one of them, the chef is holding a giant plate of spaghetti. Simon asked why and (always taking advantage of any chance to tell Simon to eat) I said, "He loves to eat spaghetti. It makes him big and strong."
Simon answered, "Chefs don't get hungry, people do! Chefs are cooks and they don't eat."
Haha!

I hope you all have a great day. Here's hoping our day will improve!

Good morning!

Simon: "I want to paint pumpkins!"
Jeff: "You painted pumpkins yesterday."
Simon: "Show me yesterday."
Jeff: "I can't, it doesn't work that way."
Simon: "Show me on the computer!"

Simon: "Mom, where's my water pistol? I need it to make you feel better!"
For some reason, I doubt his water pistol will heal my cold.

Me: "Simon, eat your breakfast, please."
Simon: "But I already did that yesterday!"

I poured myself some cereal for breakfast. The last time I ate cereal, we lived in Utah. Jeff eats it every day. Simon looked at me, then the cereal and said, "Don't eat Dad's breakfast!"

We all had a great time painting pumpkins last night. Simon decided not to paint his orange, but he did paint the entire thing green. Here are some pictures:

Simon's favorite thing about our car

We told Simon that we're going to get a pumpkin today for him to paint. He got very excited and said, "I'm going to paint it orange!" Uh...

Simon went to wave to Jeff out the window this morning, the way he does every morning when Jeff goes to work. He scrunched his eyes closed and said, "Dad, come back! I can't see a thing!"

Simon: "I love my car! It has a back seat and it is sooo cool!"

Simon asked me a question. I didn't answer right away (I had just taken a big drink) and he said, "Mo-om! You're not listening to me!"
He's very much an instant gratification type of kid.

Simon spilled some yogurt on his shirt. He looked down and yelled, "I can't believe it!"

Every day for the last week and a half, Simon has been asking if it's trunk-or-treat time. I hope it ends up living up to his standards.

Simon came sauntering (there's no other word for it) over and asked, "So...what's up?"
As far as distractions go, it wasn't bad. It took me a minute to realize he was trying to keep me from seeing the milk he had spilled all over. I don't know if it was an accident; I didn't ask.

Have a great weekend!

"I come in peace"

Today was the first day that Simon wore a coat and hat out to play. It's finally starting to feel a little bit like Fall. Or winter for Florida. Either way, if my little guy decides to sleep during his nap time, I'm making hot chocolate. I hope all of you enjoy your fall day too.

Simon (while shaking his butt):"I'm rocking out!"

Simon: "Mom, I don't like this song because it's lame."

Simon decided to wear a beanie while playing outside this morning. He informed me that, "Geniuses wear beanies." Silly boy.

I took Simon outside to play. There was a tiny bit of wind. He looked at me and asked, "Is this a gentle breeze?"

Simon: "I don't like loud noises. They give me headaches. That's why I wake up a lot."
I started to get worried and wonder if I needed to get his ears checked or something. Then he followed it up with this: "That car is giving me a headache."
Me: "Simon, it's off."
Simon: "Oh, right. Never mind, then."

Simon kept making mounds of sand in the park, then poking holes in it. I asked what he was doing and he said, "I'm making anthills! Come on, ants! Live here."

While playing in the park, Simon asked, "What's that boink sound?"
Me: "I don't know. I didn't hear anything."
Simon: "It's a mystery."

Simon (while in the bathtub):"When it comes to water, I come in peace."
Hahaha!

Uncle Ryan's Birthday

This morning Jeff read Simon the Bible story about Mary pouring perfume on Jesus' feet and Judas wanting to use that money to "give to the poor" (he wanted to keep it, selfish dude.) Simon told Jeff that Judas wanted to "put the money in his bank". Right in one, Buddy.

Simon: "Why is the sky getting so bright?"
Me: "Because the sun is coming up. See? It's peeking over the trees, there."
Simon: "Oh! That's in a movie. What movie is it in?"
Me: "I don't know if it's in a movie."
Simon: "It's in Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds."
My son, the Beatles fan.

Tip:
Do not try to hug an excited three-year-old. Simon jumped up in the air while I was hugging him and gave me a fat lip.

Me: "Simon, guess what? Today is Uncle Ryan's birthday."
Simon: "What's with him?"
Me: "What?"
Simon: "Where is he?"
Me: "He's probably celebrating his birthday at his house."
Simon (with his sad face): " But he's supposed to celebrate at our house!"
Happy Birthday, Ryan!

Jeff is officially Simon's favorite right now. I handed Simon the hand towel and he said, "I want Dad to do it."

Simon: "Mom, why do you sound weird."
Me: "I lost my voice."
Simon (with panic in his voice): "Oh no! Where did it go?"
Me: "It just isn't working right now because I'm sick."
Simon: "Oh. Is Dad working right now?"

Have a wonderful day!

Where energy comes from

A couple more:

Simon was jumping up and down on his bed yelling, "I have energy! I have energy!"
Jeff asked, "Where did you get all that energy?"
Simon answered, "From me."

Simon: "I'm catching a frog". (while hopping around the living room)
He smacked into the wall, then told me (while rubbing his head), "I'm done catching frogs now."

Simon spilled water all over the floor. His eyes wide, he said, "Uh oh. I'm in big trouble now!"

After Jeff wrapped Simon's towel around him after his bath, Simon said, "I'm wrapped up like a present!"

Simon had an accident. His reaction: "I'm rusty." Haha!

I went in the bathroom and Simon started pounding on the door yelling, "I have your drops! I have your drops!" He had grabbed the cough drops and he decided he couldn't wait to give them to me.

"I have to extracise"

This morning Simon told me that he didn't need to go to the bathroom because he had to "extracise". Somehow, I don't think the two are related.

Simon told the lady at the grocery store, "When you get done with work on Halloween, you can come trunk-or-treating with me and give me candy!" Oh, boy.

We told Simon that he could have a donut (something we don't usually have in the house) after his nap. He said, "But the donuts are calling my name! They're saying, 'Simon come eat me."

We told Simon that he could use some of his allowance to buy himself a toy at the dollar store. He said, "I can buy Dad a knight shield and sword and we can sword fight!"

While watching Toy Story, Simon said, "Wow! That guy (referring to Buzz Lightyear) can really fly!"


I'm feeling sick, so I'm kind of out of it. While I was changing Simon's pull-up during his nap ( he deliberately went in his pull-up AGAIN!) I said (or thought I said)," Where are you supposed to poop?"
Simon: "In bed."
Me: "No, you're supposed to in the potty."
It was only after his look of confusion that I realized that I had actually said: "Where are you supposed to sleep?" Wow.

Here's hoping I'll feel better tomorrow!

Again, some of these are from yesterday:

Simon (with his sad face): "I was rude to Grandma. I need to go to church and say sorry."
Me: "Do you want to call and apologize."
Simon: "No, 'cause I'm eating lunch."
If you read this, mom, Simon is sorry!

We watch America's Funniest Videos on Sunday nights with Simon. Last night, he kept bogarting Jeff's popcorn as he picked a piece up. It was so funny!

Simon puts on his knight helmet and runs around the house while Jeff makes horse noises, via Monty Python technique (hands, not cocoanuts, sadly). Simon fell over behind the sofa then said, "I fell off the horse. It didn't work out."

Simon puts on the helmet: "Now I'm Sir Simon Knight."  He takes off the helmet: "Now I'm just Simon." Puts on the helmet: "Now I'm Sir Simon Knight." This goes on for quite some time.

Simon apparently needs protection everywhere; he wore his knight helmet while going to the bathroom and brushing his teeth (that one was difficult).

Me: "Simon, don't bang your head on the wall!"
Simon: "But I'm a knight! My helmet protects me!"
Me: "But you shouldn't bang your head on the wall."
Simon: "Where can I bang my head, then?"

Simon: "Are there animals on the computer? 'Cause I love muffins!"
What?