Christmas Morning, 2013

Just the three of us.

Jeff thanks Simon for his Christmas gift: hockey stick pencils and some journals.

Simon gave me a book about dragons.

Simon with all of his new Lego and Megablock sets.

I taught Simon how to yo-yo.

Building Lego sets

Green Lantern ring.

I'm ruined!

A conversation that I was told about this morning:
Sunday School Leader:"When the angels appeared to the shepherds, how did the shepherds react?"
Simon: "They FREAKED OUT!"
Teacher: "What's another way of saying that?"
Simon: "Panicked?"
Simon: "What is it with me and physical philosophies?"

It's hard not to laugh when you're disciplining your kid and he starts sobbing and repeating over and over, "I'm ruined!"

Simon: "I want to go on vacation. Where can we go?"
Me: "Where would you like to go on vacation?"
Simon: "Can you give me some options?"

Simon was given a little Nativity Scene snowglobe at church. He went running to show Jeff, yelling, "Look! BabyJesusinasnowglobe!" all in one breath.


Simon: "What is is with me and dad and violence?"
Me: "What are you talking about?"

Simon: "Well, we both like sword fights and stuff."

Buoys!

Me: "The book you wrote is great, Simon."
Simon: "Yes! It is!"
Jeff (sarcastically): "Wow, way to be humble."
Me: "Simon, when someone gives you a compliment, you say 'thank you'. People need stay humble."
Simon: "What's "humble" mean?"
The more Jeff tried to explain, the more confused Simon got. Eventually, Jeff just yelled, "When someone says something nice, just say 'thank you'. You don't need to yell, "I'm awesome, sucka! Eat it!"
I laughed so hard!

Simon: "What are those?"
Me: "Buoys."
Simon: "What?"
Me (slightly louder): "Buoys."
Simon: "WHAT???"
Me: "BUOYS!"
Simon: "What's "boobies"?"

Simon: "You're cool, Mom!"
Me: "You're cool!"
Simon: "You're awesome, Mom!"
Me: "You're awesome!"
Simon: "Wow! I can't believe you said that to me! Thanks!"

Love is Weird

Simon: "Were you and Dad boyfriend and girlfriend before you were husband and girlfriend?"
Me: "We were."
Simon: "And you loved each other so much that you just had to get married?"
Me: "Yep. That's what happened."
Simon: "Love is weird."

Simon: "I sure hope my graham cracker doesn't turn mean and attack me."

Simon: "As people get older their attention span gets shorter."
Jeff: "Yeah...I don't think that's true."
Simon: "Yes it is. I read it in my Garfield book."


Me: "Are you excited for school today?"
Simon: "Yeah! Well, maybe. Not the writing part."


Simon: "I made up a new song and I don't remember how it goes, but it's called "Darn". I  made all of it up."

Simon: "Mom, what do you have to say? You can tell me anything."

Simon: "Having hot dogs for breakfast is kinda like having dessert for breakfast because it's sweet."
Me: "Hot dogs?"
Simon: "No, pop tarts ."
That makes much more sense.

Shake-sphere

Simon: "I'm practicing the first step of being a ninja, which is sneaking."
Me: "What's the second step?"
Simon: "Um...I don't know!"
Simon has a playdate with a little boy who actually lives in our apt. complex! He is so excited: "Mom, I will play whatever he recommends! If he has a brother or sister, I'm even okay with that. As long as it's not a baby. Babies freak me out!"

After seeing the Olympic Torch being carried by the astronauts today, Simon grabbed his toothbrush and said, "This is going to be my Olympic Torch. I just need something to light it on fire with."

Simon: "Can you help me draw the Gulf of Mexico with a tornado on it?"
Me: "Why do you want to draw that?!?"
Simon: "So I can make a forecast."

Simon: "Look at this trick! I'm trying to impress the ladies."
Me: "What ladies?"
Simon: "You."

Simon: "Can you save the Pringle container? We can use it for the rest of school about cylinders. Also, it can remind me of the beautiful chips I love."

Simon: "They (his friends) live behind the swimming pool, in our territory."

Simon:  "I think there is a roller coaster where you are in this cage thing and it goes up and down real fast.  I think it is called the "Shakespeare' (shake sphere)."

Dead Man

I went in to tell Simon he could get up from his nap. He put his hand over his chest, took a big breath, and said, "Whew! I thought I was a dead man!"
I guess he thought he was too noisy at nap time?

Simon: "Can you help me draw the Gulf of Mexico with a tornado on it?"
Me: "Why do you want to draw that?!?"
Simon: "So I can make a forecast."

Simon: "Look at this trick! I'm trying to impress the ladies."
Me: "What ladies?"
Simon: "You."

Simon: "Can you save the Pringle container? We can use it for the rest of school about cylinders. Also, it can remind me of the beautiful chips I love."

Chest Hair

Simon: "You know what I want for my birthday? A lightsaber! So I can cut the cake with my lightsaber and it has to be a real one so I can use it to cut my cake."

Simon wandered into the room, pulled his shirt up, and asked, "Do I have chest hair?"
I said, "No. You won't for a long time."
He answered, "Phew! Just checking."

Woosh!

Simon: "Mom, can I have some paper? I'm going to write a comic about Lego Ninjago #3 and so forth, etc."

Simon: "My hair is going woosh! Just like a peacock! Just like one!"

Simon: "Can I not do school right now, 'cause I'm too excited about writing my comic?"
Should I tell him that he's busy practicing handwriting (school!) right now? Nah.

Simon: "The best part of Halloween is trick-or-treating and my glow sword that is REALLY AWESOME!"

Simon: "I prayed to God about Gumpa in my head. I was trying to be subtle about it."

Martial Art

When Simon took his bath yesterday, he leaned back and said, "Ah! This is the life! It only gets better from here!"

I've been trying to get Simon to stop running around the house naked. He loves to yell, "I'm nude!" at the top of his lungs. I told him there's a reason it's called privates- because they're supposed to be private. He gave me a big, cheesy grin, and said, "Otherwise, you have to call it publics." Oh boy.

We too Simon to the Spooktacular at the zoo. There's a section with pirates. One of the pirates said, "Avast! I'll take your candy treasure!" (or something like that). Simon held his candy bag out and said, "You can have some". The pirate looked very taken aback. I guess he wasn't expecting someone to say that.

When Simon was taking his test, the lady testing him was doing a bunch of "what doesn't fit" questions. She said, "Which doesn't fit? "hat", "boots", "fish", or "dress"?"
Simon said "dress" and when she looked at him weird, he said, "Because you can't wear a dress when you go fishing." Ha ha!

Simon: "Sleep is a martial art."
I guess I have a black belt in a martial art, after all.

Guinea Pig

Simon: "Hey, would you like to make a propeller suit that is a few feet away from my body so I don't get hurt and it makes me fly and it looks like the only way I'm flying is because of my mind? It somehow has a propeller on the outside of it and it's automatically controlled by wires that are attached to it, and whenever the wires are working, you fly to your target."

Simon came running in before he was supposed to be up this morning. He yelled, "I can't believe it! I overslept!" He most definitely did not oversleep.

Simon tried to pull me out of bed. When he wasn't able to, he said, "I need a forklift." Ouch.

Simon called me a chinchilla. Jeff told him that I don't like that nickname and to come up with something else, so Simon called me a guinea pig. I just can't win, can I?
Simon is convinced that the Eiffel Tower is in Green Cove, despite me telling him he just saw a church steeple.

Simon: "Can I have all kinds of cheese, except for stinky cheese?"

Simon: "I want an apple because it's just the right temperature and it's stunning."

Simon: "My favorite word is "busted" because it sounds daring!"

Super Crazy

Simon: "Why is Dad so smart? I think it's because he asked God for wisdom and-boom- he got it."

Simon was dressing up in his superhero costumes. He said, "I'm disguising myself as someone who doesn't have allergies."

Simon: "I want an apple because it's just the right temperature and it's stunning."

Simon: "I just made up a book and it's called Super Crazy. It's about this child who wants to be a superhero. He tries to run really fast like the Flash, but he fails, and he tries to save the city, but sometimes he fails. Sometimes he doesn't,though."
Me: "What does your character look like?"
Simon: "Me. Because it is me! That's why it's super crazy!"

Simon: "My favorite word is "busted" because it sounds daring!"

Simon used pieces from some of his Lego guys to build a Lego Green Lantern. He explained to me that, "My Green Lantern doesn't have a logo because he's old school Green Lantern. You know, from back in the day."

Simon: "How do cats clean themselves without gagging?"

Leprosy

Simon has some bug bites on his hand. He showed me and asked, "Am I getting leprosy?"
Simon: "Do you have girl power?"
Me: "What do you think?"
Simon: "Well, you are pretty awesome, so I think you have girl power. I can't believe it!"

Simon just kissed my wedding ring. I asked him why and he said, "I don't know. It's kind of like you're a queen,or something, since you're the boss of me. You're my queen forever! At least, until you die."

Simon is working on a puzzle of the U.S. He said, "Texas? That's where Aunt Amber ,and Uncle Mike ,and Aunt Ashlea ,and Cousin Nathean are! We should go there! It's only one state away, after all."
I said, "There's a lot more than one state between us,buddy."
Simon answered, "Not right now. I didn't put those pieces in yet."

Simon: "When I grow up, if you're still alive, we can all watch grown up movies together."
How old does he think I am?!?

1st Day of Kindergarten

1st Day of Kindergarten:

Experience

Simon: "What do you think?"
Me: "That...you're awesome-sauce."
Simon: "I wasn't expecting that, but okay."

Simon: "Can I do a science experience?"
I reminded him of the difference between "experience" and "experiment", then he said, "Oh. Right, right. Can I experience a science experiment?"

Simon: "I'm going to build a mop that's wetter and faster and it's going to mop whenever you want it to."
Me: "Wow! How are you going to do that?"
Simon (shrugging): "Just make it."

I gave Simon his vitamin gummy and he said, "Did you know this has nutritions in it?"

Color Blind

Simon: "In Brazil, they speak pork-you-deese."
Simon woke me up entirely too early this morning. He asked if it was time to get up yet and I mumbled sleepily, "I don't know. Is the light green?" (Simon's alarm clock is a traffic light and he's only allowed to get up when it's green). Simon said no, but then added hopefully, "But I could be color blind!".
Simon: "When I grow up, I want to be an astronaut. But can you control that centrifuge thingy? That way I don't spin too fast."

Some tidbits I heard while Simon was playing with his Legos:
"Wait. We have to pause our battle. I'm out of gas."
"Meanwhile, years later, "Finally! My training us complete!""
"Mom, I lost my Lego robot. I'm ashamed."

Chattering

Simon: "Can you sew me socks?"
Me: "I don't know how to do that, buddy."
Simon: "First you measure my foot, then you sew the sock as big as my foot is. Like, nine feet,or something. Do you know how to measure?"
Me: "I know how to measure. I don't know if that would work, though."
Simon: "Well, you can just ask Miss Gracie."

Simon saw an add for Chick-Fil-A. He looked amazed and said, "Wow! That cow can write the alphabet?"

Simon is smacking himself in the face. I told him to stop hitting himself and he said, "I'm not. I'm fixing my hair." He grooms himself very violently.

I went to get Simon up this morning and he was lying there with his tongue hanging out. It turns out, he was playing dead like a grass snake does so that animals won't eat it.


Simon finished praying this morning. Then he looked at Jeff (who hadn't known he was praying) and asked, "Did you hear my chattering?"

Simon: "I thought only kids had birthdays!"

After reading about a "whopper" of a snake, Simon said, "A whopper is a sandwich, not a snake."

A Thief and a Glutton

Simon was spoiled by Uncle Ryan

Ryan just came out for a visit. We spent the weekend eating out at Moon River Pizza, wandering through Chamblin Bookmine, getting tasty coffee from Spring Park Coffee, and taking Ryan to see Despicable Me 2. We all had a great time!

Grandma: "Simon, you're a turkey."
Simon: "Well, you're a thief and a glutton."

Simon: "One day I'm going to be an archaeotologist."
Jeff: "You mean archaeologist?"
Simon: "Whatever. Whatever it's called, I'm going to be it."
Simon: "Oh no! Pain in the neck has struck me again!"

Simon: "Can we go on a walkabout until Uncle Ryan gets here?"
Me: "He's not coming until Dad gets off work. That'd be a really looonnng walkabout."
Simon: "That's okay, 'cause it's extracise. You said you need it, after all."

Simon: "Let's take a stroll to the store. Shall we?"

The Dark and Hot Sinister

Simon went to a friends' birthday party, where he- gasp!- went down and inflatable water slide! He loved it! Huzzah for trying new things!

Simon asked if his name is written in the Lambs' Book of Life. My prayer is that it will be one day.

This morning Simon came bounding into my room, turned on the (very bright) light, and shouted, "Mom, guess what? You're science fiction!"
Simon is not allowed to leave his room and wake us up in the morning until the light on his traffic light clock turns green. This morning we knew he was about to come get us up because he started humming the Imperial March from Star Wars as he opened his bedroom door. I love starting the day with a laugh.


Simon drew a kite. He then wrote his name and phone number on it, "in case it gets in the neighbor's house".
Simon: "How do you say"spaghetti" in Japanese? I think it's "pastaroni"."


Simon says vanilla extract smells like chocolate.
Simon: "Are babies born bald?"
Me: "Sometimes. "
Simon: "Do they grow hair when they're ready to become human?"
Simon has the worst opinions about babies!
Simon: "My theme is: I'm the Dark and Hot Sinister because I brushed my hair in the dark with hot water."

Onion

Walking Simon to his Lego class this morning, we passed the school spirit store. Simon read the sign, then said, "We need to go to the spirit store! We need to buy the Spirit of God!"
So many things to explain to my little guy...Simon: "Mom, your skin is as pale as an onion."
Me: "Is that good or bad?"
Simon: "It's good."
Uh...thanks?

Simon asked me a question. When I answered him, he said, "And you know, because you're older than me and you have a brain in there."Simon: "If I grow up and have kids, can you help when they poop? It's too disgusting! I don't want kids or a brother or sister because they might drool on my stuff."

Video Game Tidbits

Simon, while playing his Lego Batman video game: "I'm invisible! Look!"
This made me giggle since, by definition, you can't see something that's invisible.

Simon: "Who will dare challenge me!?!"

Simon: "A citizen is just a normal person, so he can't help."

The Fourth of July

The Fourth of July is always celebrated a little differently at our house, since Simon is afraid of fireworks, loud noises, bouncy houses, and crowds. This year we took him to see Despicable Me 2 (great movie!),and  out to Moe's for lunch. Later on, we had drumstick ice cream (his first time), followed by watching fireworks out our window and on TV. By the end of the night, Simon was jumping up and down, banging on the sliding glass door. I think next year he'll actually be fine going to see the fireworks. Yay!
Simon also tied his own shoes for the first time yesterday. I'm so proud!

Simon walked up to me when "New York, New York" started to play, stuck his hand out, and asked, "May I have this dance?". It was so sweet!

Simon: "These fireworks are so beautiful! They're the most awesomeist things I've ever seen! But they're not as good as God."

Simon: "I feel bad for the birds, 'cause they're going to get hit by a firework and explode."
Simon is working on a puzzle of the U.S. He said, "Texas? That's where Aunt Amber ,and Uncle Mike ,and Aunt Ashlea ,and Cousin Nathean are! We should go there! It's only one state away, after all."
I said, "There's a lot more than one state between us,buddy."
Simon answered, "Not right now. I didn't put those pieces in yet."

Simon: "I want to be a prophet when I grow up."
Jeff: "You'll have to talk to God about that."

Pencil Mania

Simon to me: "When you become sick and ill, I'll come visit you whenever you want, when I'm a grownup."
Uh...thanks?

Simon came into the room. He gestured to the cup of water he was holding, offering it to me. Then he said, "Now THAT was cute."

Simon learned about the Liberty Bell today. He was convinced that it's in "Pencil Mania".

Simon to Jeff: "We have to read the next part of my Bible and it's going to be very educational."

Jeff used Star Wars (the Rebel Alliance vs. the Republic) to explain the revolutionaries and the Boston Tea Party. The funny thing is, Simon won't forget the information now.

Simonwas  working on a puzzle of the U.S. He said, "Texas? That's where Aunt Amber ,and Uncle Mike ,and Aunt Ashlea ,and Cousin Nathean are! We should go there! It's only one state away, after all."
I said, "There's a lot more than one state between us,buddy."
Simon answered, "Not right now. I didn't put those pieces in yet."

Road Trip to Tampa

Simon and I rode down to Tampa to see my brother and his wife. It was Simon's first "road trip". He had a blast! Pictures:

On the way home, Simon and I had this conversation:
Simon: "Will you cuddle with me?"
Me: "Of course!"
Simon: "We're cuddling like we're married!"
Me: "We're cuddling like mom and son. One day, when you grow up, you can get married and cuddle your wife like married people."
Simon: "And have kids?"
Me: "You can have kids. You can even tell them to eat their dinner."
Simon: "What!?!? What happens if they say no and pick a fit?"
Me: "Well, what happens when you throw a fit?"
Simon: "I don't know."
Me: "You get disciplined."
Simon: "But they might get sad and cry if they're toddlers. Will you help me with that? You might have to do it because I can't get pregnant, but you can. You already got pregnant with me, so maybe my wife can get pregnant. If you do, though, don't get stressed out. I can help you."

Simon: "I love you to Pluto and back, because Pluto is the farthest away from the sun!"

Simon has a new phrase: "Do you understand my suffering?"

Simon: "I have a millipede named centipede."

Vigorous Kicking

Me: "Good kick! It went really far!"
Simon: "Thanks! It's because I kick vigorously."

Simon: "Wanna see me do a montage?"
He spun in a circle. Hmmm...I don't think he knows the definition of that word yet.

I misplaced my phone earlier. Simon, turning the tables on me, said, "You need to keep track of your stuff. It's not my job to remember where you put everything."
Simon: "That's life. But it's okay;you'll figure it all out sooner or later."
I was having a hard time transforming his robot toy.