A Tall Drink of Water

Simon: "I have a germ in my throat. One germ. And it's the bad kind, not the good kind."

Grandma: "You're a tall drink of water."
Simon: "This isn't water! It's juice!"

Only Simon would feel the need to look at the tag on the back of his shirt every time he puts one on:
"Mom! I've got a jumping bean shirt!"

 Simon didn't want to do his homework (cutting out paper cookies), so I had Simon make up a story: "The bad guy, Mothman, made cookies for Batman, Mom. Batman thought they were good cookies but Mothman played a trick and they tasted gross!"
It worked, he did his homework.

Simon and Jeff watched part of the Chelsea match together (English soccer). Jeff taught Simon to say, "Peter, Cech, Cech, Cech!"
Jeff had a great time training a future fan.

Simon: "Mom, who is asthma?"
Me: "It's not a who, it's a what."
Simon: "Oh. Mom, what's an asthma?"