Spin the Bottle

Simon: "Tim scared the good mood out of Scamps."
Me, laughing: "Really?"
Simon: "I didn't want to say c-r-u-d."

Simon: "I'm really picky."
Me: "Yes, you are. Sometimes it's funny and sometimes it's. .."
Simon: "Remarkable? "
Jeff: "Sure. Let's go with 'remarkable'."

We bought Simon a cookie from Chick-fil-A today. He read the ingredients list, saw that it contained soy and wheat, and refused to eat it, thinking that it would taste like a plant.

Simon: "I just want to be famous!"
Me: "What do you want to be famous for?"
Simon: "For being in a coloring book."
The crayola website has an option to put your picture in a coloring book. I didn't know that could make a person famous.

Simon: "I'm sorry! This episode [of his show] has a lot of flashing lights. Is your apple-epsy okay?"

We were in the car and Simon asked, "Do you smell anything? "
Jeff said, "I think it's just stale air, buddy. "
Simon answered, "I was asking because I farted and I wanted to know if you smelled it. "
Jeff laughed and said, "Whoever smelt it dealt it. "
Simon said, "Ohhh, I SMELT it! "

So, this just happened:
While praying at bedtime tonight, Simon started out: "Dear God, please forgive me-"
Then he stopped and said, "What?"
Jeff replied, "You can ask for forgiveness."
Simon answered,"I just didn't know what I was saying."
Then he started laughing. He eventually stopped and stared at Jeff bemusedly. Then he said, almost in a hushed tone, "My mind's gone blank!"
Needless to say, Jeff wound up praying.

Simon: "Aw, man! I have to stand up. Standing up is a hard task!"

Simon: "I'm scared of heights! I think it's because of when I was little and Dad accidentally threw me too high and I hit the ceiling."
Jeff, indignantly: "Hey! The ceiling was lower in the hall than in the living room. It's not my fault!"
Simon: "Bwahaha!"

Poor Simon! He's on the tail end (I hope!) of a cold and couldn't sleep last night because of the coughing and drainage. It was heartbreaking listening to him sob, "I hate this whole sequence of events!", (even when he's upset, he still talks like a little old man).

This rather disturbing conversation took place last night
Simon: "Can I play Spin the Bottle? "
Me: "You're not old enough for that. "
Simon: "Oh. What is it?"
Jeff: "It's a game where you spin a bottle and you kiss the person it points at. Do you want to smooch a bunch of people? "
Simon, waggling his eyebrows: "Maybe one person. "

Simon: "Judging by how picky he is, and how much he kicks you, I think Little Nugget will throw fits a lot."

Simon: "If I could go to any time, I'd go to the future so I can laugh at myself if I'm wearing argyle socks. "

Simon, sounding panicked: "My shirt doesn't fit at all! I could barely get my arm in. I think I need a size fourteen! "

Mosey

We headed home pretty late last night. I told Simon that he would have to get ready for bed quickly, so he could get some sleep. He said, "I'll try, but I'm really tired. If I mosey, is it my fault? "

We took Simon to a movie with some friends. He discovered that we were planning on sneaking in some candy. He was very worried that he'd get caught and get in trouble. As we were handing our tickets to the employee and heading to our seats, Simon yelled, "I hope we don't get in trouble for sneaking in candy!"
Either the employee was deaf, or he didn't get paid enough to care.

The movie we saw was Pixar's Inside Out. Simon didn't like it, saying it was "too emotional". I told him that the movie was trying to say that it's okay to be sad and he said, "I don't like movies that tell me how to live my life."

We went to my mom and step-dad's house for the Fourth of July. We ate dinner on their enclosed porch. Simon really loved the chips. He went inside for a minute, then came back and confessed, "I took a chip when I was walking by. I ate under the counter so I was below your line of sight and you wouldn't catch me."
Then he went back inside. We figured he was going to try to sneak another chip, so we made a point to looking at him through the window. Simon walked over to the window and shut all the blinds. Then he locked the door. Rich had his key with him and unlocked the door, and Jeff disciplined Simon for locking us out. I couldn't help: I stayed outside, laughing.

Top Notch

Simon: "Keep God number one on your Life List."

Simon: "I built a haunted castle! Actually, it's not really haunted because I don't want anything too ghastly. I don't want to scare myself, or you."

Simon was playing at a friend's house. I reminded him that he was supposed to be helping to clean up (there was obviously no cleaning going on), and I heard a little voice in the next room say, "Uh oh. She can tell we aren't cleaning. "
I'm not one hundred percent sure whose son it was that said it, but it was pretty funny.

Simon: "Knock, knock."
Me: "Who's there? "
Simon: "Police. "
Me: "Police who? "
Simon: "Policed to meet you. " Pauses for a minute: "I don't get it. "

Simon, looking at my stomach: "I think Oliver is getting pretty bored in there."

Simon, on the subject of whale crackers: "These are top notch."

Simon: "I have about a million Legos, figuratively."
I love that he felt the urge to add that word!

Simon, looking up from the book he was reading in the car: "Wow, Dad! I thought we were still in the apartment! Either you're a great driver, or you really put the metal to the pedal!"

While eating dinner with friends: "Sometimes Mom says snakes are poisonous, instead of saying "venomous". It's really annoying. No offense. "