You can't stop the meat!

Simon was singing along with "You Can't Stop The Beat" from the movie Hairspray. He kept singing, "You can't stop the meat!" I like his version better.

Me: "Why are you hitting your hand?"
Simon: "It just seemed like the thing to do."

Simon was playing with his Indiana Jones Lego set and I just heard him say, "No time for love, Dr. Jones."

Simon said to me this morning: "Mom, I need help with my chore" (his chore is making his bed) "because I was defeating the squid and blah, blah, blah, I lost and now it's a messy mess!"

Me: "Simon, do you want to practice writing?"
Simon: "I certainly do!"

Simon: "Mom, you're brave. Dad is brave. I'm brave, but sometimes I'm a coward."
Aren't we all?

"Am I daft?"

Me: "You're creative, Simon."
Simon: "Oh, shocks."
Me: "Shocks?"
Simon: "I said "oh, shocks" 'cause I'm embarrassed."
Me: "Do you mean 'oh, shucks'?"
Simon: "No. That's silly."

Simon: "I'm not quite sure what color I need to wear. Can you go take a look-see in my room? I want to look spiffy, like a superhero."

Simon: "Am I daft? Or just dazed?"
He knows the meaning of the word "dazed", but I have no idea where he heard "daft".

Simon said, "I'm confused about why you're old. You're even eight!"
Me: "Actually, I'm twenty nine."
Simon (whispering to his toy Batman car): "She's twenty nine! Can you believe it?!?"

Jealous

While we were in Chick-Filet the other day, we walked by an army soldier. Simon looked at him, then turned to me and whispered (very audibly), "Why is that man wearing pajamas?"

A while ago Simon about Solomon having many wives. He told me very seriously, "If I marry you when I grow up and you're married to Dad, that'd be bad."
Oh kid, you have no idea. Ha ha!

My friend was telling a story about he husband: "Bruce was-"
Simon: "Jealous?"
She was about to say "meticulous".

Simon: "Mom, you're a good driver, but you need to learn how to park more better."
To be fair, I did almost crash into the downstairs neighbors' front window.

Me: "Simon, will you please eat your breakfast?"
Simon: "Sure! Wait-what?"
...And it starts.

Simon to me: "You look pretty today, honey."
He's been imitating Jeff a lot lately.

Simon: "I know what cowboys do, but I don't have a saddle!" Thinks for a minute, "Or a horse!"

Moses Overreacted

We read Simon the story of Moses. When we got to the part about Moses killing the Egyptian, Simon said, "Moses overreacted."
I love my silly boy!

Simon: "You should buy my toy robot from me. It's buy one, get one."
Me: "How expensive is it?"
Simon: "Pretty darn expensive."

Simon couldn't find a toy he was looking for. He did his best superhero pose and said, "A great superhero never gives up!"
He did eventually find his toy.

I was coughing yesterday because I swallowed the wrong way. Simon, looking concerned, said, "Maybe a brain is stuck in your lungs."

Looking in the mirror this morning, Simon shouted, "Oh no! I have a cowlick circus on my head!"

Discovery

Simon dropped his head into his hands and yelled, "Oh no! A cowlick!"

Simon: "I hurt my neck. Please get rid of it."
Me: "Oh, buddy, it will go away on its' own. I can't really do much to get rid of that hurt."
Simon: "No, I meant get rid of my neck."
Oh.

Simon: "Let's play Discovery."
Me: "How do you play that?"
Simon: "You discover bad guys, then you defeat them and realize they're your best friends."

Simon kept craning his neck in weird ways. I finally asked what he was doing and he said: "I can't see my bum!"
Me: "Why are you trying to see your bum?"
Simon: "To see if I'm a giraffe."
Me: "Why would a giraffe look at its' bum?"
Simon (as if it's the most obvious thing in the world): "To see if it has a tail."

Simon: "I want to go birdwatching."
Me: "Do you know how to do that?"
Simon: "By using, b-noculors, of course! And a camera, and paint to paint on the birds. Will they even come close to me?"
Me: "Probably not. Birds are skittish. Do you remember what that means?"
Simon: "They get startled easy. But there's more to it: bird balloons. It's something that a balloon with no strings. You just do a show with it by playing with it any way you want to and make the birds happy."

I did take him outside. I forgot to put batteries in the camera, which is too bad. It was so funny to see him stopping to stare at every tree, bird, and bug with his binoculars. He did get to see an eagle, which was pretty cool.

Me: "Simon, I need you to do your chore, please." (His chore is to make his bed)
Simon: "Okay, but no allowance please 'cause money has germs!"

"I transform into a PT Cruiser"

Simon: "I transform into a PT Cruiser."
Don't ask; I have no idea.

Simon: "Do you know how to whistle? I can't. I just spit."

Jeff had sore muscles. He said, "I'm an old man", to which Simon answered, "I'm a new man".


Simon: "Dad's pricklies are from his moosetache".
Me (laughing): "Dad has a moosetache?"
Simon: "I was trying to say a word with "stache"."
Jeff doesn't have a mustache.

Simon: "When I don't have clothes on I look like a hippie."

Simon: "Are teenagers good, or are they maniacs?"
Jeff: "Yes."

Simon has a huge crush on a little girl from church. His latest compliment: "She has a beautiful voice."
Simon has started saying, "I think I'll move to Australia" whenever he falls or bumps into something. He really likes "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Day." If you haven't read it to your kid, you should. I love that he likes books that much!

I hope your week is a good one!

Simon Plays "Simon Says"

Simon played "Simon Says" for the first time a while back. I asked him what he said when he was "Simon" and he said, "Simon says, stop playing the game."
He seemed disappointed that it didn't work. Ha ha ha!

Me: "Simon, it's time to come eat."
Simon: "But I'm in the middle of pretending!"

Simon: "Mom, guess what? I think I just said something brilliant."

Simon decided to tell Jeff a story: "There was a Transformer named Dead Wire and he's High Wire's brother and he never existed before, and I think I made him up." He said all of this in one breath.

I asked Simon if he remembered what some of God's rules (the Ten Commandments) are. He looked panicked and said, "But I didn't steal anything!"
I actually had to explain that I wasn't asking because he was in trouble.

"Miners, keepers"

Simon: "Will you fix my Lego ship?"
Me:" I'll try. Why don't you hand it to me?"
Simon: "Very well."
Wow, he sounded haughty. I'll have to work on that one.

Simon found (yet another) one of his toys in my room. He said, "How silly of me to leave a toy in your bedroom!"

Simon: "If I crack my hands, then I won't have any hands."
Me:" Why do you think you're going to get cracked hands?"
Simon: "Because I'm getting old like you."
Ouch! So, I'm old and I have leathery skin?

Simon: "Miners, keepers."
I'm pretty sure he meant "finders, keepers!"

Simon: "I need a drink."
Me: "You can have some water."
Simon: "Dad needs a drink too. He drinks coffee or caffeine. Coffee, my old friend!"

Simon got a drink of water in the bathroom and toasted himself in the bathroom mirror.

Simon: "Oh no! I've got variety on my hands!"|

Enjoy your Sunday!

"My Legos are delicate!"

Simon (while hiccuping): "I need some hiccup medicine!"
Me: "There's no such thing, buddy."
Simon: "I know. I made it up!"

Simon: "Be careful. My Legos are delicate."

Simon: "I worked on my robot so hard! It took a looong time! For three minutes, maybe it was even five minutes!"

Simon (very seriously): "Are there Transformers in Florida?"

Me: "Simon, do you need to go to the bathroom?"
Simon: "I don't comprehend your question."
He sounds like such a little old man!

Simon: "You should be enthusiastic about playing robots with me."

Simon: "When I don't go in the potty, you get quite put out."
Ha ha ha ha!