Simon: "Dad, what's a varmint?"
After Jeff explained it to him, Simon said, "Mom is a varmint."
Thanks, buddy.

Simon: "Are you done, people?"
He had gotten bored waiting to be excused from the table.

Simon has starting carrying around a (very heavy) toy robot. He takes it everywhere. It has to sit in the bathroom when he goes, he puts it on the table when he eats, he even sets it down in the kitchen so he can show it how to "give Mom a hand" with the dishes. Because it's so heavy (it's not meant to be carried around), it falls over a lot. Every time it does, Simon yells, "Are you okay, Specket?" then he answers himself : "'I'm okay', said the robot."

Simon just told me that he doesn't need to take a nap because he's a robot and robots don't take naps. I told him that they do so that they can re-charge their batteries. He looked at me like I was being ridiculous and said, "Mom, I don't have batteries."