Dreamy

Simon: "Mom? Am I dreamy?"
Me: "One day you'll meet a girl and she'll think you're dreamy."
Simon: "But do you think I'm dreamy?"
Of course I said yes.

Simon: "What do you do on April Fool's?"
Me: "People play pranks. A bunch of people will say they're pregnant when they're not."
Simon, pointing at me, : "You're pregnant."


Simon went on the carousel at the zoo for the first time.He chose to ride on an animal that didn't go up and down.  He loved it! He asked to go on it again the second he got off. Waiting in line the second time, he turned to the people behind us and said, "I went on the tiger. I love the tiger. It's a stationary one. The stationary ones are cool."

Simon: "Do you know what I would look for at a swap meet? Victory! Or a toy."

Island of Mysteries

Simon to Jeff: "Come on, we're going to go to the Island of Mysteries."
Jeff: "What's the mystery?"
Simon: "I don't know. That's the mystery!"

Simon: "I need someone who's good at technical stuff to fix my cardboard spaceship."
Jeff: "You're really good at technical things."
Simon: "No I'm not. I've never run a wire through something."

Simon threw cushions on the floor to play "lava" for the first time. He rescues the fair maiden (me) by taking me by the hand and leading me across the cushions to the other sofa. Then he led me back. When he tried to lead me a third time, I said that I was done for right then. He informed me that the sofa I was on was about to blow and I'd explode if I stayed there.

Regular Pants

Simon doing his school work today: "I can't help but do a slipshod work today."

Simon tends to go to the  bathroom with the door open. Last night I saw him "mediating" (meditating) on the toilet.

Simon: "I can't do my work today because I'm not feeling like a smarty pants. I'm feeling like a regular pants."

Yesterday at Great Clips, Simon asked if I would be the Fair Maiden that he could rescue. Of course I said yes.

Simon has decided that he has a crush on the older sister of a friend of his. He moved to a different spot in the van we were riding in so he could sit by his buddy, but then said, "Now I can't reach my girlfriend!"

Simon: "When Dad gets home, is he going to give you a big smooch?"
Me: "I hope so!"
Simon (disgustedly) : "I knew it!"

Simon: "I don't like reading Mr. Popper's Penguins. Well, I liked the penguin part."
Uh...the whole thing is about penguins. Silly boy!

Steak

Simon came up and asked me why his "winky" (penis) "looked like steak". I had no answers.

Simon: "I like you. But I like God more."

I told Simon he will need to try on some clothes today and he came up with this gem:
"Why don't we make a double of me that has the same appearance and you can try clothes on it. We can use ballistics gel and just make my rumpus and legs."

I thought it smelled like cigarette smoke in our apartment, which is weird since we don't smoke. I asked Jeff if he smelled anything and Simon piped up, "I don't smell anything, Mom. You're probably just going crazy. Or maybe ballistics."

Simon made a new homeschool friend today (actually, a few new friends). When it was time to leave, Simon's new buddy held out his hand for Simon to shake. They shook hands like little gentlemen. I think it's safe to say they really hit it off. Two little old gentlemen.

Simon: "I think my superhero name should be Mr. Question because I ask a lot of questions. You wanna know my super power? I distract the bad guys by asking so many questions, then, when they're distracted, I attack them! Also, I like asking questions."


Simon is talking about "first case scenarios" and "worse case scenarios". It's pretty entertaining.

Beat Boxing!

Simon woke me up at four this morning to ask me what "smothers" means. At four, buddy!?!?

I patted Simon on the back and he said, "Good beat boxing!"

Simon: "Mom, I swung my sword so fast I couldn't see it. Nor could the bad guys!"

Simon: "Mom, I'm bored. Isn't that pathetic?"

Nipplegate!

How Simon solves the problem of three people and two bread sticks: "You" (pointing to Jeff) "can have one, and I can have one, and Mom can have a little bit of love."Simon thinks his toy is paranoid.

Simon: "Is it our anniversary?"
Me: "Dad and mine?"
Simon: "No, like ours. A party day. You know, like 1999."

Simon said today that his Lego guy is "going to get decembered. You know, like taken apart."
I told Jeff how Simon pronounced dismembered and he said, "It makes sense to me. After all the money I spend around Christmas, I feel decembered."

Simon has been building different aspects of the Olympics out of Legos. This morning he made some Lego figure skaters. He says that one of them is doing "a triple latte".

Jeff had his shirt off because he was getting ready to shower, and Simon needed a band-aid. So, after looking at Jeff for a minute, Simon asked,  "What are those red things?"
Jeff realized after a moment that Simon might be referring to his nipples, so he asked, "You mean this?"
Simon: "Yeah. What is that?"
Jeff: "They're nipples! You have them too!"
Simon: "Yeah, but mine are a lot smaller."
Jeff: "Well, I'm much bigger than you."
Simon: "What are they for?"
Jeff in true Jeff style: "Well, on a man they're for nothing. I guess they might be for esthetic reasons. To be symmetrical. It's ladies that actually use them for something."
Simon: "What do they use them for?"
Jeff: "For milk. That's how babies get milk."
Simon: "Oh. Why does Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes want a grenade launcher?"