Nipplegate!

How Simon solves the problem of three people and two bread sticks: "You" (pointing to Jeff) "can have one, and I can have one, and Mom can have a little bit of love."Simon thinks his toy is paranoid.

Simon: "Is it our anniversary?"
Me: "Dad and mine?"
Simon: "No, like ours. A party day. You know, like 1999."

Simon said today that his Lego guy is "going to get decembered. You know, like taken apart."
I told Jeff how Simon pronounced dismembered and he said, "It makes sense to me. After all the money I spend around Christmas, I feel decembered."

Simon has been building different aspects of the Olympics out of Legos. This morning he made some Lego figure skaters. He says that one of them is doing "a triple latte".

Jeff had his shirt off because he was getting ready to shower, and Simon needed a band-aid. So, after looking at Jeff for a minute, Simon asked,  "What are those red things?"
Jeff realized after a moment that Simon might be referring to his nipples, so he asked, "You mean this?"
Simon: "Yeah. What is that?"
Jeff: "They're nipples! You have them too!"
Simon: "Yeah, but mine are a lot smaller."
Jeff: "Well, I'm much bigger than you."
Simon: "What are they for?"
Jeff in true Jeff style: "Well, on a man they're for nothing. I guess they might be for esthetic reasons. To be symmetrical. It's ladies that actually use them for something."
Simon: "What do they use them for?"
Jeff: "For milk. That's how babies get milk."
Simon: "Oh. Why does Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes want a grenade launcher?"