Simon Reacts to Learning He's Going to Be a Big Brother

Me: "So, there's a very important thing we want to talk to you about."
Simon: "Okay."
Me: "Today I took a test, and it says I'm going to have a baby. You're going to be a big brother."
Simon: "Really?"
Me:"Yeah. What do you think? Do you think that's good?"
Simon: "Uh...as long as it grows up in about one or two days."
Me: "Well, it'll be a baby for a while."
Simon: "Okay. I can handle that. Just, can you put the baby gate near my Lego table so he can't get through?"
Me: "We will figure all that out. But you're going to be a big brother!"
Simon, weakly: "Yay. Then I can teach him all about Star Wars and the best dueling moves in Star Wars, like the backwards lightsaber move. Do you know about Osoka from Star Wars? Well, she always holds her lightsaber backwards. And she always does the first move like this [swings arm]. Yeah. I'm going to teach him that move. It's an awesome move."
Me: "Okay. We don't know if it's a boy or a girl yet."
Simon: " If I have a sister, I hope that when she grows up, she'll look pretty good."
Me: "What about if you have a brother?"
Simon: "I'm guessing he'll be a big Star Wars fan when I- I mean he- grows up. Because I'll teach him everything about Star Wars and Legos. First time I go to the library, I'll get all the books about Legos, so he can learn all about it.  If it's a girl, we need to get her her own separate room of Lego Friends stuff because Lego Friends is like the new Lego stuff for girls. "
Me: "So, it's important that your new brother or sister likes Legos?"
Simon: "Yeah. Excuse me, I hate the company Lego Friends. But regular Legos: love it. I just don't like Lego Friends because it isn't Legos, man. Right? It just doesn't look like it. "
Me: "Do you have anything else you want to ask us or tell us?"
Simon: "Yup. Uh, can you make sure some of the Star Wars movies aren't too scary before I tell him all about Star Wars?"
Me: "Yes."
Simon: "Thanks. Now back to building Legos."
Jeff, laughing: "I guess that's that."

Later on:
Simon: "I need a baby-to-English translator."