Italy

Simon: "Where did T used to live?"
Me: "Italy."
Simon: "Oh! That's why he can speak french!"

Me: "I'm going to close the blinds. It's getting really hot in here."
Simon: "Why don't you take your shirt off?"
Me: "I can't. It's inappropriate for females to take their shirts off in public."
Simon: "I reject that! It isn't fair. Ladies get hot too."

Simon: "What's the name of the story about the person that's blocked from his heart's desire?"
Me: "There are lots of stories about that. I need more to go on, buddy."
Simon: "Like me. I'm blocked off from my heart's desire, which is origami."
He's grounded from origami for the week.

Watching a Capital One credit card commercial, Simon asked, "Why do they always want to know what's in my wallet?"