I Can't Believe It's Not Butter

Simon asked, "What is that? "

I told Simon that I'm tired. He went into the kitchen and started rummaging through our refrigerator. I asked what he was doing and he answered, "I'm making you a latte."

Me: "Weird. Oliver likes his green beans tonight. "
Simon: "That's because he's delusional."

Simon tried to say "For Pete's sake" but instead he said, " For Green Peace sake!".

While at the grocery store, Simon saw a tub of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. He incredulously said, "If it's not butter, then what is it? "

Simon: "Technology makes people weak! I mean, what will happen when all technology stops working? People will just lie around all day, then they'll have to stand up to turn the TV on the old fashioned way! "
He said this like it was the worst thing ever.

Simon said, "My rule is, "Speak softly and carry a big Lego" ."

In the grocery section of the store, Simon asked, "What is red velvet? "
Jeff answered, "It's cake."
Simon said, "Oh. I thought it was velvet carpet. "

Yesterday Simon told me, "I love my stretchy shorts. They make my legs articulate. "