Alkaseltzer

Simon: "What's Al-Qaida?"
Me: "It's a terrorist group."
Simon: "Oh. I thought it was that stuff you put in soda. Oh, wait- that's alkaseltzer."


Me: "Look at the flowers. Aren't they pretty?"
Simon: "And possibly deadly."
Only Simon.

Simon: "Why did they put classifieds in the paper? It's not classified if everyone knows about it!"

Simon informed me that he had testicular cancer in his stomach.

Me: "I wonder if I have a shortage of the vitamin that helps with memory. I think it might be B12. I was tested for that once, but it was quite a while ago."
Simon: "I bet you don't remember when. Ha!"