Spin the Bottle

Simon: "Tim scared the good mood out of Scamps."
Me, laughing: "Really?"
Simon: "I didn't want to say c-r-u-d."

Simon: "I'm really picky."
Me: "Yes, you are. Sometimes it's funny and sometimes it's. .."
Simon: "Remarkable? "
Jeff: "Sure. Let's go with 'remarkable'."

We bought Simon a cookie from Chick-fil-A today. He read the ingredients list, saw that it contained soy and wheat, and refused to eat it, thinking that it would taste like a plant.

Simon: "I just want to be famous!"
Me: "What do you want to be famous for?"
Simon: "For being in a coloring book."
The crayola website has an option to put your picture in a coloring book. I didn't know that could make a person famous.

Simon: "I'm sorry! This episode [of his show] has a lot of flashing lights. Is your apple-epsy okay?"

We were in the car and Simon asked, "Do you smell anything? "
Jeff said, "I think it's just stale air, buddy. "
Simon answered, "I was asking because I farted and I wanted to know if you smelled it. "
Jeff laughed and said, "Whoever smelt it dealt it. "
Simon said, "Ohhh, I SMELT it! "

So, this just happened:
While praying at bedtime tonight, Simon started out: "Dear God, please forgive me-"
Then he stopped and said, "What?"
Jeff replied, "You can ask for forgiveness."
Simon answered,"I just didn't know what I was saying."
Then he started laughing. He eventually stopped and stared at Jeff bemusedly. Then he said, almost in a hushed tone, "My mind's gone blank!"
Needless to say, Jeff wound up praying.

Simon: "Aw, man! I have to stand up. Standing up is a hard task!"

Simon: "I'm scared of heights! I think it's because of when I was little and Dad accidentally threw me too high and I hit the ceiling."
Jeff, indignantly: "Hey! The ceiling was lower in the hall than in the living room. It's not my fault!"
Simon: "Bwahaha!"

Poor Simon! He's on the tail end (I hope!) of a cold and couldn't sleep last night because of the coughing and drainage. It was heartbreaking listening to him sob, "I hate this whole sequence of events!", (even when he's upset, he still talks like a little old man).

This rather disturbing conversation took place last night
Simon: "Can I play Spin the Bottle? "
Me: "You're not old enough for that. "
Simon: "Oh. What is it?"
Jeff: "It's a game where you spin a bottle and you kiss the person it points at. Do you want to smooch a bunch of people? "
Simon, waggling his eyebrows: "Maybe one person. "

Simon: "Judging by how picky he is, and how much he kicks you, I think Little Nugget will throw fits a lot."

Simon: "If I could go to any time, I'd go to the future so I can laugh at myself if I'm wearing argyle socks. "

Simon, sounding panicked: "My shirt doesn't fit at all! I could barely get my arm in. I think I need a size fourteen! "

Mosey

We headed home pretty late last night. I told Simon that he would have to get ready for bed quickly, so he could get some sleep. He said, "I'll try, but I'm really tired. If I mosey, is it my fault? "

We took Simon to a movie with some friends. He discovered that we were planning on sneaking in some candy. He was very worried that he'd get caught and get in trouble. As we were handing our tickets to the employee and heading to our seats, Simon yelled, "I hope we don't get in trouble for sneaking in candy!"
Either the employee was deaf, or he didn't get paid enough to care.

The movie we saw was Pixar's Inside Out. Simon didn't like it, saying it was "too emotional". I told him that the movie was trying to say that it's okay to be sad and he said, "I don't like movies that tell me how to live my life."

We went to my mom and step-dad's house for the Fourth of July. We ate dinner on their enclosed porch. Simon really loved the chips. He went inside for a minute, then came back and confessed, "I took a chip when I was walking by. I ate under the counter so I was below your line of sight and you wouldn't catch me."
Then he went back inside. We figured he was going to try to sneak another chip, so we made a point to looking at him through the window. Simon walked over to the window and shut all the blinds. Then he locked the door. Rich had his key with him and unlocked the door, and Jeff disciplined Simon for locking us out. I couldn't help: I stayed outside, laughing.

Top Notch

Simon: "Keep God number one on your Life List."

Simon: "I built a haunted castle! Actually, it's not really haunted because I don't want anything too ghastly. I don't want to scare myself, or you."

Simon was playing at a friend's house. I reminded him that he was supposed to be helping to clean up (there was obviously no cleaning going on), and I heard a little voice in the next room say, "Uh oh. She can tell we aren't cleaning. "
I'm not one hundred percent sure whose son it was that said it, but it was pretty funny.

Simon: "Knock, knock."
Me: "Who's there? "
Simon: "Police. "
Me: "Police who? "
Simon: "Policed to meet you. " Pauses for a minute: "I don't get it. "

Simon, looking at my stomach: "I think Oliver is getting pretty bored in there."

Simon, on the subject of whale crackers: "These are top notch."

Simon: "I have about a million Legos, figuratively."
I love that he felt the urge to add that word!

Simon, looking up from the book he was reading in the car: "Wow, Dad! I thought we were still in the apartment! Either you're a great driver, or you really put the metal to the pedal!"

While eating dinner with friends: "Sometimes Mom says snakes are poisonous, instead of saying "venomous". It's really annoying. No offense. "

Mind of a Tiger

Simon: "I have the mind of a tiger and the stealth of a panther. Why else would I go crazy at night sometimes and mess up my bed? Mind of a tiger, man. "

Simon, trying to figure out why he hasn't had an answer to the fan letter he wrote to his favorite author: "Maybe he's gone and he's not coming back. As in d-e-a-d."
Me: "I really doubt he's dead. Usually when a famous author passes away, you hear about it on the news. "
Simon: "Maybe he lost his pencil! "

Simon: "I just invented a new food. Ready? It's a waffle with syrup and vanilla ice cream on it, all rolled up."

Simon: "Hey, Mom?"
Me: "Yeah, buddy?"
Simon: "I'm glad you're my mom."
Me: "Well, I'm glad you're my son."
Simon: "I'm glad Dad is my dad."
Me: "I'm glad he is too."
Simon: "Can I have another kiss goodnight? The last one didn't take."

Simon was coloring a conquistador mask for history. He said that "nothing says "bold" like periwinkle." I bet he's the first ever periwinkle conquistador.

Flying Blind

Simon: "I don't want to eat this piece of French Toast. It's crippled."
Jeff, looking scandalized: "You can't say that!"
Simon: "Why not?"
Jeff tried to explain why, while I laughed uproariously at his discomfiture. It turns out Simon meant to say "crinkled".

Simon just read Cyrus the Unsinkable Sea Serpent by Bill Peet. He excitedly told me that he thinks the ship in the book belongs to Magellan.

Simon, looking for a specific Lego piece: "Excuse me, Mom? I'm flying blind here. "

I told Simon it was time for him to get up and get ready for VBS. He rolled over and sleepily said, "No can do, bro."

Simon: "There are some kids who can't afford toys or food. I want to sell some of my Legos for five or ten cents, and give the money to charity."

Simon: "Do you know what's great? Young love. "
He said this with a goofy look on his face, after sighing.

What Simon Thinks of Jeff and I

WITHOUT ANY prompting, ask your child these questions and write down EXACTLY what they say. It is a great way to find out what they really think. When you re-post put your Child's age.
Simon, Age 7
1. What is something mom always says to you?
"Come on!"
2. What makes mom happy?
"Seeing me happy"
3. What makes mom sad?
"Seeing me sad. "
4. How does your mom make you laugh?
"Making funny faces"
5. What was your mom like as a child?
"Like me."
6. How old is your mom?
"I'd say thirteen or fourteen. "
7. How tall is your mom?
"I'd say fourteen inches".
8. What is her favorite thing to do?
"Make me smile."
9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
"Play video games with Dad"
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
"Personality"
11. What is your mom really good at?
"Making me laugh. "
12. What is your mom not very good at?
"Making Dad laugh. "
13. What does your mom do for a job?
"Take care of me. "
14.What is your mom's favorite food?
"Mac & Cheese"
15.What makes you proud of your mom?
"Your good parenting".
16. If your mom were a character, who would she be?
"You would be...I actually kind of see you as...what's the leader of the Penguin's of Madagascar Team? I think it's Rico. Yeah. "
17. What do you and your mom do together?
"Play around. "
18. How are you and your mom the same?
"We both like the same things".
19. How are you and your mom different?
"We also don't like the same things. "
20. How do you know your mom loves you?
"You tell me so".
21. What does your mom like most about your dad?
"Um...you just like him. "
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go?
"Home."
23. How old was your Mom when you were born?
"Thirteen"


1. What is something Dad always says to you?
"Hey!"
2. What makes Dad happy?
"Me"
3. What makes Dad sad?
"Me being sad."
4. How does your dad make you laugh?
"He is funny. "
5. What was your dad like as a child?
"Geeky like me."
6. How old is your dad?
"Forty, to be on the safe side."
7. How tall is your dad?
"Same as you"
8. What is his favorite thing to do?
"Make me laugh"
9. What does your dad do when you're not around?
"Play video games with you."
10. If your dad becomes famous, what will it be for?
"His looks, 'cause he's so handsome"
11. What is your dad really good at?
"Okay, I've got it: making me laugh"
12. What is your dad not very good at?
"I don't know."
13. What does your dad do for a job?
"Money stuff."
14.What is your dad's favorite food?
"Mac & Cheese"
15.What makes you proud of your dad?
"His funnyness"
16. If your dad were a character, who would she be?
"He would be Batman or Superman. And I would definitely be Robin"
17. What do you and your dad do together?
"Play video games."
18. How are you and your dad the same?
"We both like video games, and comics, and other geeky stuff. "
19. How are you and your dad different?
"We both like two different things."
20. How do you know your dad loves you?
"He says he does."
21. What does your dad like most about your mom?
"I'm not sure."
22. Where is your dad's favorite place to go?
"Home".
23. How old was your dad when you were born?
"Forty"

Runaway Girls' Night

Simon: "Are you going to have a runaway girls' night? "
Me: "What's that? "
Simon: "It's where you run away so me and Dad can have a guys' night. "

Simon: "When you're done being pregnant, I'm going to teach you some Karate Kwan Do moves. "
Apparently, Simon has come up with his own martial art. Ha ha!

Simon: "I tried to teach Scamps some basic Spanish, but she didn't care. "
He tried to teach her the words "Hola" and "Azul". How would a cat react to those words anyway?

Simon: "Mom, I have a question: how long do you have to stick your tongue out before it dries out? "

Simon got out of bed after he was supposed to be in for the night, and said to me, "I require more hugs and kisses from the mommage."