Shake, Be Paranoid

Simon, talking to our cat: "Scamps, you amaze me. And by amaze me, I mean you make me want to laugh. "

Simon has a little journal filled with questions he can answer (I suspect that it's intended for older children), like "What's your favorite school subject?", and such whatnot. One of the questions is, "What celebrity are you like?", which is a weird question anyway. Simon asked me if I would help him spell his answer which was, "Paul Cumberbatch. You know, the Sherlock guy."

Simon heard the song "Shake, Rattle, and Roll" at the end of the movie Clue. He said the song should be named "Shake, Be Paranoid" since all the characters in the movie are paranoid.

Simon: "We need to train Tim to be an attack cat."
Me: "Why? What do you want him to attack."
Simon: "Bandits."
Me: "You think there are a lot of bandits around here?"
Simon: "Well, he could protect other people too. Better safe than sorry."

Mario World

Upon learning that Prince John raised taxes, Simon said, "He didn't even sell lemonade or have a bake sale? Come on!"

Simon's prayer tonight: "Dear God, Thank you that I got to play Mario World! Please don't make me eat green beans again. Thanks!"

Simon: "I created a new style of art. It's called "Funky". We better tell the art news people."

Simon: "Mom, I need a locker."
Me: "What would you put in it?"
Simon, smirking: "Wouldn't you like to know?"

Me: "Simon, do you remember who encouraged the crusades to start?"
Simon: "The head honcho?"
The answer I was looking for was "the Pope".

Simon: "I'm not that good with electronics. There. I finally admitted it."

Medieval Fair

Jeff and Simon waiting for the joust to start.

Sir Marcus, the knight our side was cheering for.

How Simon reacted when his favorite knight was unhorsed.

In between the standing people is an orc. I laughed so hard.

Throwing stars!

Simon rode a horse!

He hit the target two out of three times and had a cheering squad.

Certificate of bravery in battle

Simon fenced against a brave opponent. His opponent allowed him to win. It was sweet.

Sir Simon of the Emerald Hills!

Help Me!

Simon decided to have fun writing in fog on the car window. He wrote backwards, so it looked right from the outside. His message: Help me. I'm surprised we weren't pulled over by a cop thinking we'd kidnapped a random child.

Simon: "Dad, that is nacho shirt!"
Jeff: "Well, if it's not my shirt, whose is it?"
Simon: "Do you want to taco 'bout it?"

Simon: "I'm not the sharpest sock in the drawer."

Sitcom Guys

Simon was asking me the same question over and over. Finally, I got sick of his nagging and said, "I heard you the first time. You don't need to keep asking."
Simon paused for a moment, then said, "You're right. That's redundant."

We played the game of Life tonight. Simon kept up a running commentary.

We asked what Simon would name his "kids". He said that he would name the boy Gabriel. We asked about the girl and he said, "I'd name her Checkmate."
Whaaat?

Simon got the travel agent career card. Jeff landed on a travel space. Simon asked where Jeff was going. Once Jeff answered Europe, Simon commented, "Oooh, that's a good place!"

Simon gave me a big, noisy smooch. I told him it was super loud and he said, "Isn't that how sitcom guys kiss?"

Simon: "Did you know that logic is a powerful weapon?"

A Very Crump Christmas- 2014

This was the gift Simon had been hoping for. Can you tell?

 The cats were part of the fun too.

Simon with his plethora of Legos.

Simon was given a chess set for Christmas. He's had a great time learning to play and, last night, asked, "Can I sleep with my lucky pawn? The one that won the game?"
Here is is, shaking hands after a chess match. Simon won his very first game!

          Merry Christmas from The Crumps!

Batman's Downfall

Talking about Batman with Jeff, Simon said, "I have a theory about Alfred: I think he's secretly plotting Batman's downfall."
Jeff queried, "Why do you think that?"
Simon answered, "Because Alfred doesn't do his job with much pep."
Hahaha!

Simon: "I think Christmas already happened and you didn't tell me!"
Me: "Why would you say that?"
Simon: "Look! No one is outside, talking about Christmas!"
Me: "Buddy, it's Monday. Everyone is at work."
Simon: "Exactly!"

Simon: "I'm Dictator and Tyrant ["tyrant" said as two separate words] of the Lazy Club. Do you want to join? It stands for "Lazy, Awesome, ZZZZ, and You". "

Me: "Pretty soon you'll be able to get together with some of your friends and discuss fine literature."
Simon: "And talk about books!"

Simon: "Mom, when we shop for Dad, can I explore the wonders of the mall?"

I took Simon to McDonalds which, naturally, spawned a conversation about quality products. Simon said, "I'm glad I got the head gear spy toy instead of the watch. The watch looked like it was poor quality. It probably wouldn't last two minutes in the jungle."