Awesome Sauce

Simon: "I'm a clone of Awesome Sauce."
Me: "Really? I thought you were Simon."
Simon: "I'm a clone of Simon, and he's awesome sauce. So I'm a clone of Awesome Sauce. Also, I'm a superhero."
Simon: "I want to give you a hug but it might jeopardize my mission."
He gave me a hug anyway. That's love.

Simon has been staring at me and pretending to sneeze. It's really disconcerting. I asked why he was doing that and he said, "See? People can sneeze with their eyes open! The Cat in the Hat show lied!"

Simon, smiling impishly: "I have a great sense of humor, but I assume you already knew that."


Simon: "You have a weird sense of humor, so you're fired!"
Me: "I'm fired!?!"
Simon: "I was just joking, but that was kind of not nice, so; I'm sorry."

Rid the Fat!

It's been a great few weeks. Simon and his Pre-K class just put together a Mother's Day Tea. It was so adorable! Prior to that, Simon had a birthday party at O2bkids. Here are a few pictures from those two events:


Simon: "Dad is your husband, but sometimes you call him Jeff. That's how you remember you're married to him."

Simon decided he didn't want to be like Dad when he grows up. The reason? He doesn't "want to grow a scratchety beard."
Once I told him he didn't have to, he decided he wants to be just like Dad once he grows up.

Simon to me: "I love you so much, I'm going to give you a turkey leg!"

There's a billboard down the street that cycles between three different ads. One of them is for a weight loss program. Every time Simon sees it, he just reads the website very excitedly: "RID THE FAT!"

It's been a great few weeks. Simon and his Pre-K class just put together a Mother's Day Tea. It was so adorable! Prior to that, Simon had a birthday party at O2bkids. Here are a few pictures from those two events:

In the Past

Simon: "Do you remember that I've built stuff with Legos in the past? I like to do that from time to time."
That is all he does.

Simon: "Mom, can you help me clean up? I'm messy and I can't possibly do it myself!"

Simon: "I had a guys' weekend. You couldn't come 'cause you're kind of a girl."

Simon: "My birthday is going to be all about Christ! Just like Easter and Christmas and, like, every minute."

Simon asked if he could have some Easter candy. We told him he could pick one thing. He ate the whole thing, then said, "I don't like it. Can I have something else?"
When we said no because he'd eaten the candy he said, "I just tried it. I tried it all!"

Action not available

Me: "Did you play with your buddies at recess today?"
Simon: "No, I was just a one-man-show."

We were watching Brave. Simon's assessment of the main character: "She's quite the fighter."

Driving with Jeff to work this morning, I mentioned that the plate on the car in front of us said "Camelle". Simon looked up and said, "No, the back of the car says Lexus."

Simon (watching me try to skip through all the previews on a dvd): "What does "action not available" mean?" I can't believe he can read that!

On the way home from school, Simon started crying. I asked what was wrong and he said, "I miss you when I'm at school! My heart is black because it breaks!"

Fruit to the Loom!

Simon shouted excitedly from the other room, "My underwear says "Fruit to the loom"!"
Simon is a natural at the familial banter:
"Mom, Dad's giving me a tough time again! Will you handle it, please?"

Simon: "I have a loose tooth."
Me: "That's cool! Which one is it?"
Simon: "That one."
Me: "Which one? Can you wiggle it?"
Simon started moving his jaw back and forth. I guess I should have explained what I meant.

Simon: "I accidentally used my imagination."

Simon: "Can I watch How to Train Your Dragon?"
Me: "You just watched that yesterday. How about something else? Maybe the Goofy movie or Emperor's New Groove?"
Simon: "I can't. I'm too old for animated movies."

Simon came with us to the "big people church" this morning, but asked to leave early. The reason? "Dad sings weird".


Me: "How was school?"
Simon: "Oh, you know. It was just a day."

That's the rumor

Simon: "Anekah was at school today, so I made my move."
Me: "What was your move?"
Simon: "To say hi."

Simon: "Luke is in the Bible and in Star Wars!"
I had to explain that it wasn't the same Luke.

Simon: "Last night I had a dream that was kind of not pleasant."


During bath time:
Me: "Are you going to clean your arms?"
Simon: "That's the rumor."

Simon: " I can't take a nap today."
Me: "Really. Why not?"
Simon: "It's complicated. I'll explain later."

Simon: "I'm going to give you two hugs and two kisses. One is an "I love you" hug and kiss and the other is to say "I'm sorry for being naughty yesterday"."

Superbowl Antics

Simon: "Mom, why are you whispering?"
Me: "I'm not whispering, buddy. I'm losing my voice."
Simon: "You're going to be deaf!?!"
Me: "No. I'm just having a hard time talking because my throat is sore."
Simon: "You'll just have to use sign language then."

Simon: "Disciples can't be in cars. That's just silly."
Jeff: "Why is that silly?"
Simon: "There are no cars in the Bible!"
Jeff: "Buddy, the mode of transportation you use doesn't decide if you're a disciple or not. It's if you choose to follow God."
Simon: "But there were no cars!!! They just walked everywhere."
The conversation continued in this vein for about five more minutes.


Simon watched some of the Superbowl last night. He ended up dressing in his knight helmet and running around with a big blue ball, "hiking the ball".


Simon: "I didn't like Beyonce's booty-shaking move."

Me neither.

Simon: "I love you so much there are little hearts around my head."

Simon informed us that if he ever gets a little brother (he doesn't want one) he wants us to name him Flash Funworks Crump.