VCR=Old

Simon keeps unzipping his Superman pj's (they have feet attached) and ripping the top half partially off his body while sticking his chest out. Why? Because he's "turning into Clark Kent the way Clark Kent changes into Superman."

I asked Simon if he wanted some medicine to help with his cough. He shrugged and said, "Sure, why not? It could work."
Simon: "I wish I had a stingray."
Jeff: "Well, you can't really have a stingray for a pet."
Simon: "Yeah, 'cause all it'll do is sting you. I can't have a fish, because fish are boring!"
Me: "What pet would you want?"
Simon: "A rocket ship!"


Simon: "I'm a lean, mean, dancing machine!"

Simon:"Mom, I'm dead. I'm honestly dead."
Me: "Really? Are you sure about that?"
Simon (lifting his head off my shoulder to look me right in the eye): "I honestly am."


Simon: "The sounds squirrels and chipmunks make are hilarious!"


Simon wanted to show me his color-by-number. He held it up and said, "It's gonna blow your socks off!"


Simon: "What's a VCR?"
Me: "It's how people used to watch videos before DVD players. I think Grandma has one."
Simon: "But she's not old!"

Simon: "Babies love chocolate."
Me: "Really?"
Simon: "Yup. I love chocolate too, but I'm not a baby. I guess babies are smart after all."
He has a low opinion of anything that can't talk.

Grandma: "I'm excited to see you for Thanksgiving, Simon. We'll have turkey."
Simon: "And I'll eat the candy corn!"
Me: "I don't think there'll be candy corn."
Simon (looking disappointed): "But I like candy corn."

Kookamunga!

Simon said, "Mom, this is what Jesus always does!" Then, he made the sign language sign for love.

We stopped at McDonalds before heading to Trunk-or-Treat. It spawned some very interesting observations:

Simon (while eating chicken nuggets): "Chicken makes you strong! But not this stuff!"

There was a man sitting by himself at a table, facing some Halloween decorations. He was talking into his cell phone, but Simon was convinced he was talking to the scarecrow.

A teen put on a V for Vendetta mask. Simon said, "Look, it's Kookamunga!"
I have no idea.

I told Simon that tomorrow is picture day at  his school. He said, "We take pictures on Christmas! Tomorrow is Christmas!"
I answered, "No, tomorrow isn't Christmas, it's just picture day."
Simon: "But you need to put up the tree, because I've been waiting and waiting! You want a good picture, right?"

Today, while playing soccer, Simon told me they were playing "dog park". Somehow, I doubt it.

Jeff: "Don't act up, please."
Simon: "I won't. I'll act down."

Mulch

Simon gave me a big hug and said, "This is how you turn an enemy into a friend."

Jeff was poking me. Simon shouted, "Stop picking on my mother!"
Ha ha, he took my side!

Simon: "Today at school, a lot of kids were running. They accidentally knocked me over."
Jeff: "Are you okay?"
Simon: "Yeah. I just fell in the mulch."

Simon: "Do I have hair on my chest yet?"

Simon was humming to himself in the car this morning. All of a sudden he got really upset.
Simon: "Jesus doesn't love me!"
Me: "Of course He does!"
Simon: "But the song says, "red or yellow, black or white" and my shirt is orange!"
I had to explain to him that the song was talking about skin color. It took a minute to get him to calm down; he was very sure that Jesus had a clothing preference.

Jeff got cut off twice yesterday. After the second time, Jeff asked, "Am I invisible?"
Without missing a beat, Simon answered, "Yes. Yes, you are."

Like a Boss

On our way to the car today (after picking Simon up from school), Simon said, "Look at me, walking like a boss!"

Simon: "I'm in the background. You're in the frontground."

Simon kicked a really good pass at soccer practice today. I told him what a good job he did and he said, "I did a killer kick! It almost killed me!"

Simon picked out some pants at the store the other day. He's very proud of them and wore them for the first time today. I said, "I like your pants, Simon."
He smiled and said, "Thanks! They're my best feature!"


Simon: "I want to watch Spiderman!"
Jeff: "You're not old enough, buddy. But when you're older, you can watch Spiderman, and Iron Man, and Avengers. You'll have a superhero time!"
Simon: "And you'll  have a naptime!"

Jedi Knights Don't Bake

I took Simon to get his hair cut. He chattered non-stop the entire time. When the lady finished, he interrupted himself mid-sentence (he was describing the plotline to Lego Star Wars) and said, "That's about the size of things. Thank you." Then he got up and walked away!
Simon: " Here's a joke: a stormtrooper said, "I am your father", and Darth Vader said, "Hey, that's my line!". Is that funny?"

Simon: "What Star Wars movies did I see?"
Me: "Four and five. We're going to get six from the library soon."
Simon: "Is that the one where they crack the Han Solo ice cube?"
Simon: "I'm a great superhero, 'cause I have a personal trainer."

Simon: "I want to highlight that part in my Bible when Paul talks about talking in lungs."

Simon, while playing in the bath, decided to made me a frappucino with no whipped cream.

"Look, it's Dad! He has a huge smile on his face!"

"I can't wait for the firetruck! It's going to be epic! EPIC!" [the firetruck is coming to his school on Thursday].

Simon just squealed from his bedroom. When I went to tuck him back in, I asked why he'd done that. He answered, "To be cute. Was I cute?"
Simon is watching "What's in the Bible with Buck Denver". This video is talking about sin. Simon said, "Everybody sins. Except Buck Denver. He's a puppet. Puppets don't sin."
Simon was playing with a little girl at church last night. She asked Simon to help her bake a cake, to which Simon replied (very seriously), "I'm a Jedi Knight. Jedi Knights don't bake."

When I picked Simon up from school he said, "I have a good attitude. Are you having a good day now, Mom?"
His teacher couldn't stop laughing.
Simon is such a little gentleman: every time he ran in front of another kid while playing soccer, he'd say "excuse me!". That kid cracks me up.

Swap Meet

We got an ad from a Halloween costume store in the mail and it's all Simon can talk about.

Simon: "For Halloween, I want to be Darth Vader. But everyone'll know it's me because my eyes will be popping out."

Simon: "I'm going to be Bobba Fett for Halloween."
Jeff: "If you're going to be Bobba Fett, you have to practice saying, "Put Captain Solo in the cargo hold". Can you do that?"
Simon: "Put Captain Solo in the cargo hold. But what does that mean?"

Simon was watching Clifford on tv yesterday. He looked at me and said, "Mom, this show is really immature."

We let Simon watch Star Wars for the first time last night. Jeff showed him the jawas, but Simon heard him wrong and called them "yahwehs". We had to explain the difference between Jawa and Yahweh.

Simon: "Do you know what a swap meet is? It's "one person's junk is another person's treasure". There's a swap meet in my room. My toys are your junk and my treasure."

Simon is still sick. He is currently curled up on the sofa with his toy lightsaber. Poor little man!

French Fries

Simon: "French fries, french."
Me: "What?"
Simon: "Pretend you don't understand me."
Me: "I really don't understand you."
Simon: "I'm speaking a different language, like in the Tower of Babel."

Simon was watching "Underdog". In the episode, they had just called in the Air Force. Simon looked at me and asked, "Why are they calling the airport?"

Simon (in his most pathetic voice): "I need to go to the hospital."
Me: "Why?"
Simon: "I scraped my finger."
Oi.

Me: "That cat is so cute! I want to take it home with me."
Simon: "Welcome to my world."I tucked Simon into bed. He immediately got out of bed and walked to the door. I asked what he was doing (it was more of a "what do you think you're doing, young man?") and he said, "I'm opening the door for you like a gentleman. When I grow up, I want to be a gentleman, like Dad."

Simon was throwing himself around the living room. After a couple minutes of this, he looked at me and said, "I just love to dance around!"

Simon said "Welcome to my world" again. Then he looked at me with confusion and said, "You didn't laugh?!?". That made me laugh and he said, "There it is." Silly boy.

Simon accused me of not telling the truth about something. I got annoyed about it (I'm not always as patient with him as I should be, I admit it) and said, "So, you think I'm a big, fat, liar?". Simon answered, "No. I think you're a big, fat, not a liar."
Ouch.