DNA

Simon: "Do you want to hear two words that don't change when you reverse them? Dad backwards is still dad and mom backwards is still mom. Funny, huh?"

There was an AFV clip of a baby in a bathtub, drinking soapy water. The baby opened its mouth and bubbles came out. Simon sighed and said, "I miss those days."

Simon, watching a documentary: "Does this guy [the narrator] speak German?"
Me: "He has a British accent."
Simon: "British? I knew he spoke German!"

Simon asked me to take a bite of his apple to "get it started". After I handed it back to him he said sarcastically, "Great. I can't wait for a big taste of mom DNA."

Me: "Simon, can I have a goodnight hug and kiss?"
Simon: "I'm too hyper for romance."

Simon: "Can I have a mohawk?"
Me: "I can try to give you one in a bit."
Simon: "First we need cornstarch."

Intelligent

Simon: "I feel more intelligent this morning,for some reason."

Simon just went and dumped his water into the sink, then said, "Well, that was a grim spectacle."

Simon, chewing gum: "Dad, can you teach me how to blow a bubble?"
After watching Simon trying and failing in a very spit-plastering way, Jeff said, "I think you need front teeth for it to work."

Simon had a great time trick-or-treating. This is the first year he's gone.

Italy

Simon: "Where did T used to live?"
Me: "Italy."
Simon: "Oh! That's why he can speak french!"

Me: "I'm going to close the blinds. It's getting really hot in here."
Simon: "Why don't you take your shirt off?"
Me: "I can't. It's inappropriate for females to take their shirts off in public."
Simon: "I reject that! It isn't fair. Ladies get hot too."

Simon: "What's the name of the story about the person that's blocked from his heart's desire?"
Me: "There are lots of stories about that. I need more to go on, buddy."
Simon: "Like me. I'm blocked off from my heart's desire, which is origami."
He's grounded from origami for the week.

Watching a Capital One credit card commercial, Simon asked, "Why do they always want to know what's in my wallet?"

Texas Hold-em

Jeff and Simon were playing Uno. I heard Simon ask Jeff if he knew any card games. Jeff said he would teach Simon fifty-two card pickup. Simon asked, "Can you teach me Texas Hold-'em?"
Jeff answered, "Maybe."
Simon queried, "Do we play for our lunch money?"

Simon when we told him to get ready for bed: "Hey, hey, ho, ho! This here kid just won't go!"


Simon is going as Captain America for Halloween. I must say, he's pretty darn cute.

I told Simon a joke.He immediately said, "Ha ha ha! That's a crude joke!"
I answered, "That joke wasn't crude!"
Simon asked, "Oh. What does "crude" mean?"
I told him that a crude joke is usually one involving toilet humor. He laughed and said, "Those are only for little kids!"

Simon: "Does it hurt to pull a  muscle in your foot?"
Me: "Yup. Why do you ask?"
Simon: "I'm going to walk with cloven hooves so that I pull a muscle."
Huh?

Star Wars Origami Enterprises

Simon, playing Lego Batman with his friend: "Come on! Eat my thunder!"

Simon: "Maybe when I grow up I'm going to use lots of money to go to college. Then I'm going to buy a jet pack so I can go work with Dad."

I gave Simon a worksheet to practice writing numbers in Spanish. He worked quietly for a minute, then he said, "Wait a minute! This is a kindergarten worksheet! I'm a first grader! This is insulting to me!"

Simon: "Did you see me going in reverse around the table [with the string]? Tim was going crazy! That's reverse psychology for ya."

Simon has a new favorite phrase: "Au contrair, Mom-air."

Simon: "I'm CEO of Star Wars Origami Enterprises. Incorporated."

Pep in Your Step

Simon: "I like sky-fi books now."
Me: "I like those too, but it's actually pronounced sci-fi."
Simon: "I bet I know what it's short for: sai fight. You know, like those weapons in Japan?"

Simon: "Are you okay? You seem a little out of it."
Me: "I'm okay, just tired."
Simon: "You should get some coffee. It puts pep in your step."

Simon: "I am more of a cat person than a dog person. Cats are more mature. It's the truth."

Simon: "Can I make my own breakfast?"
Me: "Sure!"
Simon: "Do you have any prunes?"
Simon wanted to make a prune, cheese, and mayonnaise sandwich.

Simon was finally brave enough to touch the sting rays at the zoo today. He gasped excitedly when the first one flapped over his hand and said, "It made contact!"
The way he said it made me think of alien movies.

Ominous

Simon: "Rollos are little caramel presents from planet Yum."

The way Simon throws a football is to strike what he assumes is a sports pose, then say, "Go long. I'm going to belt it!"

Simon is doodling all over a piece of paper. He just held it up and asked, "What do you think of my new ominous logo?"

Simon: "You went silly. That's kind of like going crazy. It's another way of saying you went bad, like a banana. I'm joking!"
Simon tripped over the sleeping cat. He got up and said, "Mo-om, Tim tripped me!"
I answered that I didn't think he meant to, and Simon said, "Yes, he did. He's trying to look all innocent [pronounced inn-o-kent], but I have him figured out. Well? Are you going to put him on timeout?"

Simon has started saying "unconstance" when he means "unconscious". He uses that word a lot.