Runaway Girls' Night

Simon: "Are you going to have a runaway girls' night? "
Me: "What's that? "
Simon: "It's where you run away so me and Dad can have a guys' night. "

Simon: "When you're done being pregnant, I'm going to teach you some Karate Kwan Do moves. "
Apparently, Simon has come up with his own martial art. Ha ha!

Simon: "I tried to teach Scamps some basic Spanish, but she didn't care. "
He tried to teach her the words "Hola" and "Azul". How would a cat react to those words anyway?

Simon: "Mom, I have a question: how long do you have to stick your tongue out before it dries out? "

Simon got out of bed after he was supposed to be in for the night, and said to me, "I require more hugs and kisses from the mommage."

Rocking Chair

Simon: "I'm the king of mastering the rocking chair! Look, no hands! "
Guess what piece of furniture we got today?

Simon: "We should move to a state that has a lot of snow. Like California. "

Batting Cages

Jeff: "I really want to visit the batting cages."
Simon: "Is that the cage where the bats live?"

Simon: "I never want to wear a tuxedo again. "
Me: "Why not? You looked handsome. "
Simon: "Yeah. Too handsome. Do you know what I'm getting at? I don't want to wear a tuxedo and look too fancy. "
Me, jokingly: "Girls like it when a man looks fancy. "
Simon: "Okay, I want to look fancy. "

Simon shares some viewpoints on the new baby:
Simon: "Are you sure you're pregnant and you didn't just eat too much food and that's why you're sick?"
Me: "No, buddy. I'm pregnant. Remember the pictures we showed you?"
Simon: "But it just looked like a watermelon. I don't want to have a baby."
Me: "Why not?"
Simon: "I don't want to change poopy diapers."
Me: "Dad and I will take care of the poopy diapers. You can play with the baby, and hold it."
Simon: "But what if it poopy diapers me while I'm holding it? You know, like a house getting egged, except I'm the house?"

Legoland and Crypress Gardens

The Definition of Clean

Simon: "My definition of 'clean' and yours are different. It gets me in trouble sometimes. "

Simon: "Man, I'm a silly kid!"
Me: "I like silly kids. "
Simon: "Don't we all? Do you know what I don't like? Discomfort. "

Me: "I can't believe you're almost seven! "
Simon: "I know. "
Me: "When did that happen? "
Simon: "I don't know. That's the problem. "

Simon: "I'm making a comic, but there is a lot of dialogue and I don't think I can write that small. Will you write the words? I can pay you a quarter."

How to Discipline a Baby

We were talking with Simon today about learning to change diapers and help with the baby. I told him that if he learned how to take really good care of babies, he could babysit when he was older to earn a little money. He said, "I'll just let the baby crawl on the floor, and squirt it with a water bottle if it misbehaves."
Um...you don't discipline a baby the way you discipline a cat, buddy.

Simon: "I think the reason we can't see God is so we don't wake up in the middle of the night, see Him sitting there, and get startled. "

Simon: "Mom, guess what? When I walk toward Scamps, she doesn't recoil in horror anymore! "
Me: "Did she ever do that? "
Simon, laughing: "Oh, yes. "

Simon: "Is lunch making you sick?"
Me: "Not so far."
Simon: "The baby found some food he likes? Yay!"

Simon: "Did you know that God contacts prophets using dreams? He doesn't text them! Ha ha ha!"

Big Trouble

Simon: " I have to admit, Dad is the best dad. "
Simon: "I think Tim is sending me a mental message."
Me: "Really? What is he saying?"
Simon, looking at me like I've just asked the most ridiculous question imaginable: "Mom, I'm human. I don't speak Cat."

Simon is already coming up with April Fools Day pranks to play on Jeff. As of right now, he wants to put sugar in Jeff's coffee, instead of salt, and put a lid on his coffee so it's harder to drink. I don't think Jeff was aware that he usually puts salt in his coffee.

Simon: "The next time Tim gets on the counter, he's in trouble. Big trouble. And I'm bringing it to him. "

Walking into Babies R Us with us today, Simon said, "This place is irking me. See how my eye is twitching? "
Then he quickly blinked his eye a bunch of times.

I was talking with Jeff about his school, and how he's close to graduating with his Bachelor's degree. Simon heard and said, "Wow! It sounds like Dad is, like, in fifth grade!"

Simon, talking about going on Kid Jeopardy: "I hope the prize is something good, like a Lego set, not just something useless, like money."