Love is Weird

Simon: "Were you and Dad boyfriend and girlfriend before you were husband and girlfriend?"
Me: "We were."
Simon: "And you loved each other so much that you just had to get married?"
Me: "Yep. That's what happened."
Simon: "Love is weird."

Simon: "I sure hope my graham cracker doesn't turn mean and attack me."

Simon: "As people get older their attention span gets shorter."
Jeff: "Yeah...I don't think that's true."
Simon: "Yes it is. I read it in my Garfield book."


Me: "Are you excited for school today?"
Simon: "Yeah! Well, maybe. Not the writing part."


Simon: "I made up a new song and I don't remember how it goes, but it's called "Darn". I  made all of it up."

Simon: "Mom, what do you have to say? You can tell me anything."

Simon: "Having hot dogs for breakfast is kinda like having dessert for breakfast because it's sweet."
Me: "Hot dogs?"
Simon: "No, pop tarts ."
That makes much more sense.

Shake-sphere

Simon: "I'm practicing the first step of being a ninja, which is sneaking."
Me: "What's the second step?"
Simon: "Um...I don't know!"
Simon has a playdate with a little boy who actually lives in our apt. complex! He is so excited: "Mom, I will play whatever he recommends! If he has a brother or sister, I'm even okay with that. As long as it's not a baby. Babies freak me out!"

After seeing the Olympic Torch being carried by the astronauts today, Simon grabbed his toothbrush and said, "This is going to be my Olympic Torch. I just need something to light it on fire with."

Simon: "Can you help me draw the Gulf of Mexico with a tornado on it?"
Me: "Why do you want to draw that?!?"
Simon: "So I can make a forecast."

Simon: "Look at this trick! I'm trying to impress the ladies."
Me: "What ladies?"
Simon: "You."

Simon: "Can you save the Pringle container? We can use it for the rest of school about cylinders. Also, it can remind me of the beautiful chips I love."

Simon: "They (his friends) live behind the swimming pool, in our territory."

Simon:  "I think there is a roller coaster where you are in this cage thing and it goes up and down real fast.  I think it is called the "Shakespeare' (shake sphere)."

Dead Man

I went in to tell Simon he could get up from his nap. He put his hand over his chest, took a big breath, and said, "Whew! I thought I was a dead man!"
I guess he thought he was too noisy at nap time?

Simon: "Can you help me draw the Gulf of Mexico with a tornado on it?"
Me: "Why do you want to draw that?!?"
Simon: "So I can make a forecast."

Simon: "Look at this trick! I'm trying to impress the ladies."
Me: "What ladies?"
Simon: "You."

Simon: "Can you save the Pringle container? We can use it for the rest of school about cylinders. Also, it can remind me of the beautiful chips I love."

Chest Hair

Simon: "You know what I want for my birthday? A lightsaber! So I can cut the cake with my lightsaber and it has to be a real one so I can use it to cut my cake."

Simon wandered into the room, pulled his shirt up, and asked, "Do I have chest hair?"
I said, "No. You won't for a long time."
He answered, "Phew! Just checking."

Woosh!

Simon: "Mom, can I have some paper? I'm going to write a comic about Lego Ninjago #3 and so forth, etc."

Simon: "My hair is going woosh! Just like a peacock! Just like one!"

Simon: "Can I not do school right now, 'cause I'm too excited about writing my comic?"
Should I tell him that he's busy practicing handwriting (school!) right now? Nah.

Simon: "The best part of Halloween is trick-or-treating and my glow sword that is REALLY AWESOME!"

Simon: "I prayed to God about Gumpa in my head. I was trying to be subtle about it."

Martial Art

When Simon took his bath yesterday, he leaned back and said, "Ah! This is the life! It only gets better from here!"

I've been trying to get Simon to stop running around the house naked. He loves to yell, "I'm nude!" at the top of his lungs. I told him there's a reason it's called privates- because they're supposed to be private. He gave me a big, cheesy grin, and said, "Otherwise, you have to call it publics." Oh boy.

We too Simon to the Spooktacular at the zoo. There's a section with pirates. One of the pirates said, "Avast! I'll take your candy treasure!" (or something like that). Simon held his candy bag out and said, "You can have some". The pirate looked very taken aback. I guess he wasn't expecting someone to say that.

When Simon was taking his test, the lady testing him was doing a bunch of "what doesn't fit" questions. She said, "Which doesn't fit? "hat", "boots", "fish", or "dress"?"
Simon said "dress" and when she looked at him weird, he said, "Because you can't wear a dress when you go fishing." Ha ha!

Simon: "Sleep is a martial art."
I guess I have a black belt in a martial art, after all.

Guinea Pig

Simon: "Hey, would you like to make a propeller suit that is a few feet away from my body so I don't get hurt and it makes me fly and it looks like the only way I'm flying is because of my mind? It somehow has a propeller on the outside of it and it's automatically controlled by wires that are attached to it, and whenever the wires are working, you fly to your target."

Simon came running in before he was supposed to be up this morning. He yelled, "I can't believe it! I overslept!" He most definitely did not oversleep.

Simon tried to pull me out of bed. When he wasn't able to, he said, "I need a forklift." Ouch.

Simon called me a chinchilla. Jeff told him that I don't like that nickname and to come up with something else, so Simon called me a guinea pig. I just can't win, can I?
Simon is convinced that the Eiffel Tower is in Green Cove, despite me telling him he just saw a church steeple.

Simon: "Can I have all kinds of cheese, except for stinky cheese?"

Simon: "I want an apple because it's just the right temperature and it's stunning."

Simon: "My favorite word is "busted" because it sounds daring!"