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zoo

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Stress Eater

Simon: "Oli- Dad, I almost called you Oliver!"
Jeff, pretending to be offended: "Hey, I made Oliver!"
Simon, pointing to his stomach: "Actually, Mom did."
Jeff: "I helped! Oliver is part Mom and part me."
Simon: "Just like me! So, technically , I helped too."

Simon : "Mom, I saw a book in your room that would be great since we're learning about Germany! "
Me: "What book? "
Simon : "Irish Fairy and Folk Tales."

Jeff had been singing "The Wheels On The Bus" for quite a while, in an attempt to keep Oliver calm. After fifteen or so verses, he ran out of things on the bus, so he asked Simon to sing a verse. Simon promptly sang, "The Stan Lee on the bus says "Excelsior" all through the town"." He's definitely a nerd.

Simon, sounding exasperated : "It's hard to be the man of the hour if you have to go to bed at eight o'clock at night. "

Simon: "I want to squoosh Oliver's baby chub so badly!"

Simon just said, "To quote myself ". Ha ha ha!

Simon is Mr. Questions today. These are just a few: "Who was the first scientist", "Why do saltines have little holes in them?", "Will Oliver forget if I'm a bad example since he's so little? ", "Who invented the maze?", and my personal favorite, "Can Oliver fart so hard that he'll blow a hole in his pants? ".

Simon, looking at a book I have, asked, "Did you get this in 2014?"
When I answered that I possibly got it then ( I am not sure exactly since books tend to follow me home. At least, that's my excuse ), he excitedly said, "It's two years old! It's a relic!"

Simon : "Oliver is a stress eater. It's not healthy. "

Simon : "I can't believe you're playing peek-a-boo with Oliver! "
Me: "Why not? "
Simon : "Because it's so undignified! "


Simon : "I'm going to build a time machine, and go back in time to find the person that invented cleaning and let them have it."


Simon : "If I ever get a pet fish, the name "Sushi" comes to mind. "

Me: "Simon, stop hanging out on my bed in your underwear. You look like you're trying to be a Calvin Klein model."
Simon : "Is that a person who takes too many before and after selfies?"

Today Simon asked if there is a disease that makes your eyelashes grow too long. When I told him no, he paused, then said, "Good to know. "