A Very Crump Christmas- 2014

This was the gift Simon had been hoping for. Can you tell?

 The cats were part of the fun too.

Simon with his plethora of Legos.

Simon was given a chess set for Christmas. He's had a great time learning to play and, last night, asked, "Can I sleep with my lucky pawn? The one that won the game?"
Here is is, shaking hands after a chess match. Simon won his very first game!

          Merry Christmas from The Crumps!

Batman's Downfall

Talking about Batman with Jeff, Simon said, "I have a theory about Alfred: I think he's secretly plotting Batman's downfall."
Jeff queried, "Why do you think that?"
Simon answered, "Because Alfred doesn't do his job with much pep."
Hahaha!

Simon: "I think Christmas already happened and you didn't tell me!"
Me: "Why would you say that?"
Simon: "Look! No one is outside, talking about Christmas!"
Me: "Buddy, it's Monday. Everyone is at work."
Simon: "Exactly!"

Simon: "I'm Dictator and Tyrant ["tyrant" said as two separate words] of the Lazy Club. Do you want to join? It stands for "Lazy, Awesome, ZZZZ, and You". "

Me: "Pretty soon you'll be able to get together with some of your friends and discuss fine literature."
Simon: "And talk about books!"

Simon: "Mom, when we shop for Dad, can I explore the wonders of the mall?"

I took Simon to McDonalds which, naturally, spawned a conversation about quality products. Simon said, "I'm glad I got the head gear spy toy instead of the watch. The watch looked like it was poor quality. It probably wouldn't last two minutes in the jungle."

Castor Oil

Simon: "I'm not afraid of little kids anymore. Some of them are actually pretty cute."

Simon: "How come there aren't any presents under the tree?" (He knows he got some from Grandma).
Me: "Because we don't want the cats to eat them. They'll be under the tree on Christmas morning."
Simon: "We can just give the cats castor oil to get the presents back."
Me: "Ew! They'll be all pukey!"
Simon: "I don't care."

Simon: "Did you just hiccup?"
Me: "Yes."
Simon: "I'm very perceptive."

Simon: "People can give me five cents, and I'll give them a compliment, and when I have enough money I can buy something to give to someone."

Simon: "Can we send some of Tim's sal-via to a scientist so we can figure out what kind of breed he is?"

Smoothies

Simon went on a play date and to look at a parade of trees with some friends.

Simon, wearing a Darth Vader mask, asked, "How does Vader brush his teeth?"
Me: "Either he takes his helmet off, or he has really bad breath."
Simon: "Wait- how does he eat?"
Me: "Smoothies."
Vader: "That's probably why he doesn't look so healthy."

Scamps was sneezing over and over. I jokingly said, "I think Scamps is allergic to life," to which Simon answered, "I think she's allergic to her own self consciousness!"

Simon was on the swing the other day. He told someone that he was "aerodynamic".

Brazil

Simon has a chance to decorate a Christmas or Hanukkah scene with sticker at the library today. He chose the Hanukkah because he thinks the Star of David stickers resemble ninja throwing stars.

Simon, introducing himself today: "Hi! My name is Simon and I'm Christian."
His new buddy only heard half of that and called Simon "Christian" the whole time.

Simon: "Tim is so irresistible!"
Me: "I think you're pretty irresistible."
Simon: "Not as irresistible as Scamps. She's the most irresistible!"

Simon found out that his friend will be going to North Carolina during his birthday. Simon looked at him and said earnestly, "I think you should go to Brazil. I've heard it's really fun! They even have this rain forest called The Amazon."

Simon, to his friend: "I was born in Utah: I don't even know how I learned English!", then to me, "Mom? What language do they speak in Utah?"

Creepy Musicals

Watching a commercial for the TV Peter Pan production I said, "If they wanted a girl to play Peter Pan, they might have looked for someone less pretty."
Simon answered, "It's a musical. It's supposed to look creepy."
Hahaha!

Simon: "I was talking with Dad in the car the other day, a serious man to man talk. He said that to make a girl feel special you should listen to hear what she likes and try some of those things. It's lifelong training. It helps me to select the right girlfriend."

Simon has requested chips and salsa for dessert. He's just like Dad.

Simon: "The Grinch just needs some coffee."

The Invention of Pockets

Simon, talking to Jeff about me: "Let's get something for your mom."
Jeff: "She's your mom, buddy. She's my wife."
Simon: "Well, you don't have to hog her!"

Simon: "Did you invent pockets?"
Jeff: "No, they've been around for a long time. They're really useful."
Simon: "Well, who did invent them? Einstein?"

Simon: "You're really good at multi-tasking."
Me: "Thanks."
Simon: "So is Dad. But I'm not. I can't write and build Legos at the same time."

Simon came trotting into the room this morning, gave us hugs, and said, "So, who's my favorite parents?...Can I play video games today?"

We were eating leftover Thanksgiving food for dinner. Jeff asked Simon what he wanted and Simon said just corn and turkey. Jeff jokingly grabbed a huge piece of turkey and said, "Here you go!", to which Simon responded, "Ugh! Forget it! I'm a vegetarian! Wait, wait, no a vegetarian. What's the type of atarian that only eats junk food? I'm a junkaterian!"

Simon: "I know some wise sayings: "A bird in the hand us worth two in the bush", "It's better to give than to receive", "Do or do not. There is no try", "To ride a helicopter, first you must train." "