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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The Most Intersting Man in the World

Today Simon asked when Christmas is. I told him that it's after Thanksgiving, and then clarified that it's a month after Thanksgiving. After that, I told him that when I was young I asked when Thanksgiving was and my parents said it was after Thanksgiving. The day after Thanksgiving I woke up sobbing because Christmas hadn't happened. I told Simon that Grandma should have clarified. Simon said, sounding scandalized, "I can't believe she did that! Grandma should apologize!"
Ha ha ha!

Simon: "Mom, you're Princess Leia. You need to change into a white dress."
Me: "I don't have a white dress."
Simon: "That's okay, you can be Slave Leia. Just take your shirt off and wear that thing you wash. A bro?"

Simon saw a picture of Tchaikovsky and said, "He looks like that one guy in those commercials. The most interesting man in the world."

Simon: "I'm dragging. I need some coffee. Or an iced chai."

Simon: "When you color, do you try not to scribble scrabble?"
Me: "Yup."
Simon, laughing: "Me too! We are so much alike!"

Simon, while eating dinner: "Well, I'm full. Can I have dessert?"


Saturday, November 22, 2014

What Are You?

Simon, earlier this morning, said, "I'm going to go see if the cats did anything bad."
He came running back in and reported, "They did something bad. In their litter box!"

Simon: "Some people have one friend. God gave me so many friends, it's like I'm famous or something!"

Simon: "When you're not being a mom, what are you?"
Me: "Well, I'm always a mom."
Simon: "I know, but what ARE you?"
Me: "I'm a lady."
Simon: "I know that, but what are you?"
Me: "Simon, I have no idea what you're asking."
Simon: "I think you're an alien/superhero hybrid."

Simon is so excited about the hat party/guys day he's going on with Jeff. He's told me he wants a samurai hat. He was pointing at a chief's headdress when he said that, though.

Simon, while eating dinner: "Well, I'm full. Can I have dessert?"

Thursday, November 13, 2014

An 80's Cat

Simon: "Scamps is so black and white! She's like an 80's cat. You know, in the 80's, when they first started making black and white movies."

Simon: "Oh no! Scamps jumped on my Lego creation and broke it! I bet that hurt. She's hurt on the outside and I'm hurt on the inside."

Simon: "Ah, I am gettin' up there."
Me: "What do you mean?"
Simon: "I'm so old. I mean, you're in your thirties, right?"
Me: "Yes."
Simon: "Well, I'm six. That means I'm in my sixties. I'm getting old."

Simon: "My hair looks new wave or punk rock. If I go to a punk rock concert, all the ladies are going to go wild for my cool style."

Me: "Simon, can I have a goodnight hug and kiss?"
Simon: "I'm too hyper for romance."

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

DNA

Simon: "Do you want to hear two words that don't change when you reverse them? Dad backwards is still dad and mom backwards is still mom. Funny, huh?"

There was an AFV clip of a baby in a bathtub, drinking soapy water. The baby opened its mouth and bubbles came out. Simon sighed and said, "I miss those days."

Simon, watching a documentary: "Does this guy [the narrator] speak German?"
Me: "He has a British accent."
Simon: "British? I knew he spoke German!"

Simon asked me to take a bite of his apple to "get it started". After I handed it back to him he said sarcastically, "Great. I can't wait for a big taste of mom DNA."

Me: "Simon, can I have a goodnight hug and kiss?"
Simon: "I'm too hyper for romance."

Simon: "Can I have a mohawk?"
Me: "I can try to give you one in a bit."
Simon: "First we need cornstarch."

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Intelligent

Simon: "I feel more intelligent this morning,for some reason."

Simon just went and dumped his water into the sink, then said, "Well, that was a grim spectacle."

Simon, chewing gum: "Dad, can you teach me how to blow a bubble?"
After watching Simon trying and failing in a very spit-plastering way, Jeff said, "I think you need front teeth for it to work."

Simon had a great time trick-or-treating. This is the first year he's gone.