Myths

Simon, while reading a book about myths at the bookstore, yelled, "Mom! I don't have to poop everyday to be healthy! That's a myth! I can just hold it in! Ha!"
There were two people nearby who were cracking up.

We went on a mother and son date. We went to the mall, rode the escalators, danced to store Musak, and ate in the food court. Simon insisted on giving me half of his cookie because "That's what you do on dates."

Simon: "I know my job in taking care of Skippy: I'm the tattletale."

Yesterday, Simon said, "I know a lot about stuff, but I don't know everything. Like really complicated math. I don't know what x is. If you turn it sideways, it kind of looks like a plus sign. So, maybe x is plus."

Catcher in the Rye

Simon: "Is Catcher in the Rye about baseball?"
Jeff: "No. It's kind of about a guy discovering who he is."
Simon: "Oh. Who is he?"

Simon: "Mom, I have bad news: gatorade is expensive now. It's 88 cents at CVS."

Simon (doing pushups): "401, 402...I skipped some numbers."
Me: "Yeah, why did you do that?"
Simon: "It's more gratifying that way."

After our circus trip tonight, Simon said, "Dad, I'm too tired to walk up the stairs. Will you carry me?"
When Jeff told him he would, Simon happily said, "You've always got my back."

Logic

First lost tooth. We didn't even know it was loose! It just fell out while Simon was eating breakfast.

Simon: "Did you know that I'm always right?"
Me: "Oh, really.No one told me that."
Simon: "That because it's my little secret."
Simon: "Do you know what I don't like? Logic."

Simon has been less than pleasant today. As I was supervising a cleanup of epic proportions, Simon said, "I want to be doing fun stuff with Dad, not having this tie-ran-ee. Or is it tyranny? Well, whatever, it's bad."

Simon: "Do you know what I'm scared of? High up roller coasters. I like my roller coasters down on the ground."
Me: "Dad doesn't like roller coasters either."
Simon: "Ha! It's like we're twins!"

Simon: "Can I eat in the living room and watch something?"
Me: "No. You can eat at the table."
Simon: "But I eat too fast at the table and I want to savor the moment!"

Simon: "Mom, did you know Dramamine makes me sleepy? It's like sleeping gas for me."

Simon made a Lego creation that moves using gears. This is what he said about it: "Both the gears move at the same time. I thought the smaller gear would move the fastest. I don't understand why, but that's the way friction works. Well, I think that's how friction does it!"

Consonant

 We added a new family member: A cat that has been dubbed Tim "Skippyjon" Jones. Here are a few pictures:

Jeff: "Simon, do you know what a consonant is?"
Simon: "Oh, I know! It's a huge chunk of land!"
Ha ha ha! I believe the word he was looking for is "continent".
I jokingly told Simon that he would make a great minion. He smiled, looking flattered, and said, "Aw, you're just saying that."

Simon informed me that he doesn't like to read. He had a book open on his lap when he said that. My sides hurt from laughing.

Simon: "I found a new way of breathing. It's like spitting in reverse."
Me: "Do you mean breathing through your mouth?"
Simon: "I don't know. I can't find an adjective to describe it."

A Sprinkling of Terror

Simon, at the Jump Zone: "Mom, come look at my fumble! It was a sprinkling of terror!"

Me: Did you make some new friends last night?"
Simon: "Yes. I want to play with A and B, and I want to have several of the employees [who are all female] over. When are they not at work?"

Simon: "Look! I made a Lego guy on a horse, ready to...what's it when they try to get poles at each other?"
Me: "Jousting."
Simon: "Yeah. That."

Simon is making a Lego board game. He says there will be a space that, "Says turn around. There are all kinds of crazy demands!"

Theory

Me: "I'm going to run and take the world's fastest shower while you eat breakfast."
Simon: "I might need a camera for after."
Me: "Why?"
Simon: "For when you break the word record for World's Fastest Shower."
Me: "I'm not really going to. That's just my way of saying I'll be quick."
Simon: Maybe I'll break the world record, since I hate showers."

This morning Simon decided he was sticky. He kept running into the bathroom and slathering soapy water all over himself. I told him that soap is sticky and he said, "Well, that's one theory."

Simon: "I'm really interested in birds. I like marshall eagles, and harpy eagles. I also like Millenium falcons."